My Best Friend
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 10
When I awoke the next morning, I felt like a different boy. It was as if the person I was all these years was gone and replaced by another. I walked across the room and looked in the mirror. I looked the same, but I knew I wasn't. Everything had changed.
"I'm gay," I said to myself, trying it on for size. It made me uncomfortable. I stared into my own eyes, seeing the bottomless pit of sadness and despair. "I'm gay," I said out loud, "and no one else is ever going to know about it."
Before, I'd told myself it was just bullshit. I'd told myself I wasn't gay, but now I knew I was exactly what I'd tried to deny for so long. I was gay! I was a fag!
It was Sunday, so I showered and ate breakfast like I did every morning, except now I did it as a gay boy. I knew that I'd been gay all my life, but for a long time I didn't realize it, and after that I lied to myself about it, so it really was like I was a whole new person. It was like someone found out one day that he was a prince. He'd been one all along, but he didn't know it, so suddenly he was something quite different from what he was before. The analogy was a pretty bad one, I couldn't think of anything similar between being gay and being a prince, but it helped me clarify my thoughts.
New thoughts kept coming into my head unbidden. My whole world felt like it had been shaken up, and all the pieces fell somewhere they weren't before. My mind shifted from one thought to another. It was all so confusing and disorienting. Nothing was as it had been before.
I felt as if I couldn't go on, but I knew I had to. I either had to go on with my life, or just lay down in the dirt and die. It wouldn't be easy to go on. Nothing would ever be easy again.
That afternoon I drove down to the river. I needed to get my mind off things and I couldn't do that moping around the house. It was a warm day and I was sure some of the guys would be at the swimming spot that was in Elmore Park, north of town. I could lose myself in a few hours of fun. It was hot in the car and I rolled down the windows. The rush of air felt cool on my sweat dampened shirt. I thought about pulling it off, but that wasn't a bright thing to do while driving. I'd be up to my ass in trouble if I wrecked my car.
I parked near the river and got out. I pulled off my shirt and tossed it on the seat. The sun felt warm and soothing on my bare chest; kind of like a massage. The riverbank was crowded with several fishermen and a lot of kids from school who probably knew we didn't have many warm days left. It was September after all, and fall would be here before you realized it and it would be too cool to swim. We'd had a recent heat wave, however, that made it feel like July or August.
I was relieved when I looked around and didn't spot Todd. I'd almost not come for fear he'd be here. I just wasn't ready to see him yet. I spread my towel out on the hot sand and sat down to pull off my shoes and socks. The sand burned my bare feet a little as I made my way to the water's edge. The water was surprisingly warm, but still created a cooling sensation as I waded in deeper and deeper. When I was up to my navel, I dove under the water. Right as I began my dive, I saw something that grabbed my attention so completely that I actually gasped as I was going under, which was a bad idea indeed. I came up sputtering and choking, hoping no one noticed me make a fool of myself.
I jerked my head this way and that until I spotted him, the boy that had caught my eye and nearly caused me to drown myself in three feet of water. He wasn't wearing a shirt. I spotted him, snapped a mental picture, and looked away. All I could think of was, wow!
He was incredibly cute. In fact, he was without a doubt the best-looking boy I'd ever seen in my entire life. He had blond hair, greenish-blue eyes, and a face so handsome it was downright angelic. He was slim and graceful, in a word, beautiful. If I hadn't been so head over heels in love with Todd, I'd have fallen for this boy in a flash. I felt like I was falling for him anyway. I tried to turn my mind from such thoughts; I had enough problems already without getting all starry eyed over another boy. Dealing with my obsession for Todd was task enough.
I couldn't keep from looking at the hot blond kid now and then. He was so beautiful he was like a work of art or something. I wished I had a picture of him just to tack up on my wall or something. If Michelangelo or Leonardo or one of those artist dudes were alive, I'm sure they would have fallen all over themselves to paint him or sculpt him or something.
I had to keep my waist under water because looking at him was getting to me. My swimsuit was tented to the breaking point. I felt like my dick was going to rip right through it. I intentionally ignored the hottie for a while and swam around to cool my passion. It took a good long time to get myself under control.
A bit later, I saw the blond angel talking with one of my friends so I joined them, just to get a closer look at him and hear his voice.
"Scott, this is my cousin Brian," said Mark. "He lives down in Welch, but is here for the weekend. Brian, this is my friend Scott."
My eyes met his. He smiled at me and I just about melted. Damn, he was cute! We continued to talk. I loved the sound of his voice. It had a certain softness to it, but it was still manly.
"Brendan! Dude!" I said as he appeared and joined our little circle.
"What's up, Scott?"
"Just messing around."
"You seen Todd?"
"No."
The mere mention of Todd's name was enough to make me excited.
"Hey, we still on for Thursday evening?" asked Brendan.
"Sure," I said. "Mark will be there, and so will Todd."
A part of me hoped that Mark would bring his cousin as well. I was in love with Todd, but I think I'm falling for Brian as well. God, the boy is so hot!
"Cool."
In just a couple of minutes, Robert joined us as well. The sight of his and Brendan's bare chests drew my attention away from Brian a bit. That was probably a good thing, because I was likely paying too much attention to him. I really had to watch it.
I became aware of something as I stood there. Something was up between Robert and Brendan. I had thought the same before, but now I was more certain than ever. I could just tell. It wasn't anything they said, but there was something about the way they looked at each other. Their eyes kept meeting and I felt they were communicating something without talking. They seemed too always be together here lately. It was weird.
After a bit, Robert just kind of drifted away. There was definitely something on his mind. A minute or two later, Brendan left too, heading in the same direction that Robert had taken. I watched him as I chatted with Mark and the guys. He disappeared into some trees, just as Robert had done not long before.
It wasn't long at all before Brendan strolled back in my direction. He didn't rejoin our little group, but stood there looking out over the river. I didn't know what had gone on back behind the trees, but he was positively glowing. He'd smiled a lot when we were talking, but he was grinning from ear to ear now. He looked like he almost couldn't contain himself; as if he were about to float right up into the air.
When he turned, he caught me watching him. He smiled and even blushed a little. He ran to me laughing, and joined our little group once again. As we were all talking, Robert returned. He didn't join us immediately, but rather swam in the river for a while, then came back and started talking while rivulets of water streamed down his muscular chest. I didn't fail to notice that his eyes met Brendan's time and again. His face had it's own glow and he looked happier at that moment than I'd ever seen him in my entire life.
I wondered what had passed between those two. I didn't exactly think they'd hooked up behind the trees for a quickie, but something had gone on. I almost laughed out loud when I thought about those two going at it. it was just too funny. Brendan was so straight he could've been the straight jock poster boy. I let my imagination wander for a few moments, fantasizing about what could've gone on if they were doing it. I had to knock that off real fast because it was getting me excited. It was ridiculous. Brendan gay? There was just no way. Robert sure wasn't a likely candidate either. His parents were really religious and he went to this crazy church here in town. I'm surprised that he's even here today. Still, there was something going on.
I took another swim to cool myself off; I needed it in more ways than one. Robert had disappeared by the time I came back so I hung out with Mark, Brian, and Brendan. Brendan kind of looked like he was off in la la land. His mind was clearly elsewhere. He had this big dopey grin on his face that made him look particularly cute. I was dying to ask him what it was all about, but I knew better and kept my curiosity to myself.
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