The Circle
by Smokr
Epilogue
Toby's Final Letter
Alex
I know you will find this and nobody else. I won't tell you about it so when you find it you will know there are more things then we know about. How did you know this was going to be here? Think about it for me.
Alex I love you as much as a person can love someone. I always will. I wish that we could spend our time together. I truly do but I know that will not be. There is something I have to do and we will be apart the rest of our lives. We are not meant to be and by now you know. I'm sorry. We will have this summer and I want to have a good time with you. We are being given this time as a gift together before I do what He has planed for me to do soon. I do wish we could be together but it is not time yet. We will have our time later I promise you!
This is our proof to you of that. You will know about it and you will find it and you must believe. In me and you and Him. If this sits and rots and turns to dust in the ground than it means we do to.
If you find this than know what it means!
We got different roads to travel soon. Mine is short and near the end. Yours is longer and harder I think. I'm sorry I won't be there like I wish I could be but I will be watching over you and you will know it. I have to leave here but I will be where I will be with and watching over you even if I have to wrestle Gabriel Himself. You found this so know I mean what I say and I know what I am talking about. Don't miss me. God wants me to know this so it is easier. I can see what he has planed for me but it is foggy like in a fog. I only know some of it is for you. So I want to do what he wants done and has for me to do. For you especally. Some things I can see and know I have to do through you. One thing you must do that I know is that you must call Carson on his 17 birthday November 5. You have to! This is very important. Don't forget. Call him and just talk is all. Say you thought of me and and thought of him. I know I don't have to write his phone number because you will have it. I'm doing that shrug you said was cute. I'll do it so you can see some day again I know. Did I say I love you yet? I so do. I know when you read this you all ready met Carson and Terry and my other friends. I know they will like you and you will them. Terry was my friend here like Tom is yours. I know. I was told. Shown. I know. And I know who's in the road ahead of you to. I am so glad for you to. Let go of me and take who is after me with all you got. And everybody you ever love. I know you have alot of love to give and you are good at giving it and like to so go ahead. I won't miss looking in your dark, warm brown eyes. I will always be seeing them. And I will always feel your arms around me. And I will always feel your love for me. I know you will always feel mine. I was going to wear the medals when I came to see you but now I know
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
what to do with them. I will keep them with this here in my place where you find them and not be able to explain so that you know. Argue with it if you want to but I get the last words. And I got the benefit of evidance. Leave them tied together and wear them like I did until this very second. They are the concrete proof that I know what I am talking about. They proove that I love you and there is more to life than just life. I hope you forgive me about lying if you ask if I am sick. I don't want you to know about it. I just want a good time with you. I won't tell you and I hope you don't find out. I am sorry it is going to hurt you what I have to do but I know I have to. You will know about me being sick by the time you get this and understand. Right? I wore the Styx medal every day. Ask mom and dad. There is a funny story about it I hope they will tell you. Wear them to and you will see they will help you to. Promise.
There is so many things I wish I could tell you but that I can't or don't know how to. No other things matter anyway. I said the important stuff. Did I say I love you yet? I do. I so do. I am going to tell you so much when I get there you are going to be tired of hearing it. I hope not!
I am so glad to be out of the hospital. Staying there so much is hard. I miss this place and I miss my friends and my room and home. I feel better the minute I get home and I am glad I won't be going back there. It hurts to think I won't be back here in my place again. Not even home. When I leave tomorow I will never see it or them again. It was so hard to only say bye like normal to them the last few days. I know it is bye forever here but they only think it is just a normal ones. Terry knows something though becase he is such a good friend he just knows. It has been real hard to not tell him what is going to happen. He dosn't deserve the bad feelings he will have. Mom and dad and my family, my friends, you, that is all that makes it hard to do. But I know it will do something so important so it helps. And I know there is so much to do after. And it helps you and others. So it is worth it. I'm sorry you will hurt. I wish I could do this with not hurting any one but there is no way to. God knows what he is doing. He has shown me enogh that I know it will all be for the best.
Remember what this letter means and what it prooves. Wear the medals every day and remember that. And remember R.E.O. I can't fight this feeling. That feeling we had then I fell now and I will always feel. I will show you my feelings when I get there. I can hardly wait. You are the only reason.
It is rare that God sends proof. He loves you and wants you with us. Believe in Him and me. We love you and will always. Come be with us. I don't know what is going to happen in Chicago or with us but I know it will be wonderful. I know there is someone there for you now and for when I am gone. Let them be with you and see and feel what I did and will when I am there. You are very special or He would not send this proof. But maybe I am wrong and this will become a rust deposit in your archeology and you will never read it. This can and the medals and this note will become dust and rust and nothing matters. Maybe I imagine what I know and will die. Maybe there is nothing after and I just go there a few weeks sooner.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Not big deal I guess. If I was not going to go see you I would do it now. There are trucks on this road alot. But I want to see you again. I have to. Not just becase I love you so much and want to becase I know God wants me to. I have something to do for you before. Or maybe for me. I don't know for sure which but I will find out. I know you might want something of me and my cross and your Styx medal are the best things I can think of. I tied them together like our hearts are tied together. Please wear them and think of me and this letter and our proof to you. We love you.
I am so sorry to leave you. Be good and come join me but later
I will be watching out for you and I will find a way to proove it to you.
Did I say I love you? I so do.
The words are stopped now and I don't know what else to say. I know we will have a very good time. It is only a week but I had to talk my but off to get out of the hospital soon enogh to be able to go see you before school started. I even had to lie a little. But it is worth it. I feel so tired and sick all the time but when I think of going to see you I feel so happy and strong and healthy. It is like you are the reward for the being so sick all the time. God is going to make sure I have the strength to keep up with you. I thank God for making you and putting you in my life. He made your soft, brown eyes so warm and sweet. He gave you perfect red and brown hair like no one else and lips made for kisses. Why would he make you so perfect if he didn't want it admired? I can't wait to admire it again. I can't wait to have you in my arms and to have your arms around me and feeling that way again.
Did I mention I might like you a bit? Can't wait to show you how much.
Yours in love and in God's love
Tobias Matthew Anthony Cole
my friends call me t-mac but I like Tobes better
P.S. Did I mention I love you?
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