The Circle
Afterword
by Smokr
An epilogue, or epiloge, is a final chapter in a story or scene in a play, usually used to wrap up any lose ends or to hint at a sequel. Generally, it is another chapter, written in the same style and point of view, often after a period of time has passed. Sometimes the main character is allowed to 'speak freely' and break character, or speak out of context or time if he was so restricted during the story. I used my epilog to wrap up the main story line, so to speak. Yes, leaving the possibility of a sequel, but how could I not without killing the main character?
An afterword is a chance for the author to talk directly to the audience or reader, out of character and not necessarily about the plot or characters. Some authors prefer to discuss the writing of the work, others a few words on how it came to be, others to hint at that sequel.
I would like to use this chance to speak to you about Alex and his friends. First I would like to note that this story is the only thing that I have written that I feel should have an afterword.
As I said in the introduction, this story began when I began my own journals. From them, years later, I started a story based on them, but spiced up and changed to be more interesting. Many years later I found them again, and sat down at my computer and began actually writing the story I had in mind. It was in third-person perspective, and wasn't too bad.
I had considered writing it in first person, but it seemed too hard to do that way. Only later when I was shown what first-person could do by other authors here and there, and nearly forced into doing so, I began to re-write Ray's Circle into The Circle. I almost called it My Circle, but that seemed too . . . you know.
I don't know who these guys are, or were, but they weren't that different from myself and my friends. Alex is not me, nor vice versa. Much of me and my friends exist in The Circle, so much so that some of my friends see themselves in it and ask if that was really how they seemed. The others always answer yes, so I guess I got them down well. I was not like Alex growing up, except for being gay. I didn't have his guts, his determination, his clarity, or most of his experiences. I did have his friends and his problems, mostly.
I really think I plugged into something with this story. I can see countless things ahead for all of the characters. Entire chapters come to mind easily. Many authors find that one story line they really like themselves, and the ideas seem to come easily. Salvatore had his Drizzt, to dare use the author and his character here. I don't dare compare, only to point out that Salvatore loved that story line, and that he talked endlessly about it when asked. He said he knew of things the characters have done and will do that he knows he will never have the time to write. Only in that do I dare compare.
The year the Three Musketeers, or Three Stooges, depending on which of Alex's parents you believe, graduate is vivid. I know I have to do it. I am already making notes and outlines in anticipation. I think the year between must come first. Or next, however you care to look at it.
It was a wonderful time redoing this story over the last months. It took over a year to write the first time, wrongly, then a year for friends to convince me to do it right, then four months to turn it into what it is now. I tore chapters apart, rearranged them, changed characters around, and finally got things to all fit together. I vividly remember sitting down at the computer during a particularly bad time in my life and needing something to do. I opened Ray's Circle, read a few chapters, and knew it was time to do it right.
Certain aspects of the story are from my own life, still surviving from my original story from my journal entries during my junior year of high school. The Circle existed, and we did have a lot of great times while it did. I was gay, and I did find myself attracted to my two best friends. Nothing ever came of anything between us other than our friendships. (Those friendships were worth the never touching or having their sexual loves. There are no other friendships in life anything like your friendships from school, and I would not trade how things were between us for ANYTHING) I never owned a van then, and I've never been burned in any vehicle, but I have been hospitalized for smoke inhalation and I have been in car accidents. I did ride the bus for two weeks when I made a move on one of those two best friends, and he was so shocked that he left. We made up, and he kept my secret, and I rode the bus again. And my other best friend did ride his bike with me in the cold Chicago winter for most of those two weeks. The twins were real, and were filthy rich, and hung around with the poor me and my friends, and were part of the Circle. Both of my best friends had one brother, one older, one younger, and I got along with them great. Eric was a real friend, and a part of the Circle, and is much as I wrote him in this story. Tim was my pot dealer, and a friend of sorts, and he did front me a great number of times, but never for sex. I would have at the drop of a hat! Pot or not. All of my friends in the story were much as I wrote them, with the exception of the sex, that was never real in my reality, only in Alex's.
After Toby, there was no one else throughout my school years. I messed about with some friends, but it was nothing more than messing about. I buried the gay me, hid it even from myself and best friends, after Toby passed away. Those events, Toby and his death, are true. Toby was born with kidney and endocrine system problems. They were undiagnosed and undiscovered until he entered puberty and later. By the time he was sixteen he wasn't growing as fast suddenly, he caught colds and illnesses easily, and he began losing weight and energy. By the time it was diagnosed, his kidneys and self-defense systems were weakened to the point that there was no hope. He was given the categorization of "terminal cachexia", a death knoll if there is one. He would waste away and become frail, weak and bedridden. By his sixteenth birthday, he and his family knew that he would not see his seventeenth. I met him when he was in the middle of his fifteenth year. We had less than a month that first summer, then only a week the second summer.
I have considered putting Toby's actual image in the Character Images section, and his brother has told me to do so, but I hesitate each time, and I do not feel good about doing so. If this story was strictly about Toby, and it had no sex in it, I might be willing to put his image there. As it is now, though, it feels wrong. The story is not truthful enough for his presence, and far from worthy of him.
The only way I can say that I was Alex, is by saying my friends were much like these characters. I looked as I described Alex, and our tastes in music and movies are the same, as well as guys, but there the similarities mostly end.
The characters were all real, the events were almost entirely fiction. I will leave it at that.
Thank you for reading, be nice and have fun, peace, out.
Miss you, Toby.
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