Thy Love to Me was Wonderful (2 Samuel 1:26)
by David Neph
TWO
"OK, class, settle down please." General hubbub as if I were not there and had said nothing. "Hey, I want to get this lesson started!" A little quieter - which meant that they knew I was there and that I had been heard. "Shira, Edna, Avi - come on, please. Shira, I know that what you have to tell Edna is urgent and far more important than hearing anything I might have to say, but nevertheless, please listen. After all, it's what I'm paid for." General laughter and a gradual evaporation of the chatter. OK, Houston, we have quiet, we have attention.
"David, what are we doing this lesson?" This came from Shirli - always prim and proper, always with every single book in place ready. Her question was not one of interest in the topic to be studied: that couldn't interest her less. She would listen as if attentively, and when I would tell them to summarize what we had said over the past ten minutes she would be the first to demand that I dictate what they should write in their notes. No, Shirli was definitely not interested in what the content of the lesson would be. Shirli's sense of orderliness demanded that she know which of the three subjects that I taught this class was the subject for this particular lesson: the correct textbooks and notebooks must be waiting neatly in front of her - even if she couldn't care less what was in them!
"Well, it's going to be a sort of mixture. A little bit of Bible and a little bit of homeroom."
"So which books do we need?"
"None, at the moment." That left her completely nonplused. Bible was a subject that they had to learn in order to matriculate, but that didn't make it any more palatable. The powers that be had decided that the Bible was the book that united the nation - religious and secular alike - so its study was compulsory through all twelve grades. They really hated Bible, simply because it was compulsory. Another subject that I taught some of them was lapped up eagerly and thoroughly enjoyed. This was because they had chosen to study it - though I was never certain whether they had chosen the subject or the teacher! At any rate, I always tried to make the Bible lessons as interesting and as discussive as possible, because I knew how they felt about it. Usually the lesson would begin with the groans of disgust which were 'de rigeur' as it were, but very soon they would discover interest. This being a secular school, Bible was not studied for its religious edification: it was studied as the greatest literary gift of our people to mankind, and it was studied for its literary, philosophic, historical and cultural values.
"Today we start looking at the character of King David." Groans. "David was probably the greatest king Israel ever had. Before we start looking at his biography and the history of his reign, I want us to discuss a philosophic question: 'What is greatness?'"
Absolute silence.
"Does anyone have any thoughts of the subject? What makes a person great?"
Absolute silence.
"OK, give me the names of some great people you know."
As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew that I had phrased the question wrongly, but it was too late now. I would just have to let the flood roll on until the pool was empty.
I think my girlfriend Hanni is really great.
Yeah, so's mine - and she's very co-operative.
You guys are nuts - all you ever think about is sex.
Yeah, well, it's something you'll never get to think about, sweetheart!
I think Berkovitz is the greatest of them all.
Shit! What do you know about it? Rosso knows how to play soccer and he can teach Berkovitz a thing or two.
You're both idiots. How can soccer be great compared with basketball? Maccabi are the greatest ever! They won the European Cup, didn't they?
I decided that it was time to intervene before matters got to blows. "Guys, let me ask the question in a different way. Of all the people you know of who are alive today, who do you think will still be remembered in 100 years time or 1000 years time?
The Beatles! Elton John! George Michael! Madonna! Rita! Aviv Gefen! Arik Einstein! General laughter. They were doing this on purpose and they knew that I knew that they were doing this on purpose.
"Well, thank you so much for those pearls of wisdom. Now can we get serious for a moment?"
"David, you don't think people will remember the Beatles in another hundred years?"
"Actually I do, Arik. I loved the Beatles long before you were even a twinkle in your daddy's eye. But the Beatles will be remembered because their contribution to music has been recorded so that later generations will be able to hear what they achieved. Without that I don't think their name would survive for even fifty years."
"What has all this got to do with King David?" asked Shirli, impatiently. A general chorus of Yeah, let's get on with it already and get out of here!
"We were trying to discover why King David is remembered to this day as being great. Does anyone know why he was great?"
"I dunno why he was great, but I know one thing," said Charlie, making his first contribution. "If he was great as you say then he certainly was not a homo!"
He shot a meaningful glance in the direction of Oren and Nir, sitting absolutely still at their desk. The moment the words were out of his mouth their faces started to redden and Oren grabbed Nir's hand under the desk.
"Charlie, that's enough, and I'm not going to warn you again!"
"What did I do? I just said that King David was not a faggot, like some people I know."
"How many faggots do you know, Charlie," asked Beber, innocently.
"Two -"
"Charlie, that's enough! Sit down right now! You too, Beber!"
I acted as if I was furious, though I was actually delighted that Charlie had played straight into my hands and quicker than I could imagine. Charlie subsided into his seat mumbling audibly about the right to free speech.
"Name some of the stories and facts that you remember that could explain why David is considered to be such a great figure in our ancient history."
He fought with Goliath - and won!
Do you remember that old hit of Kaveret about Goliath?
Nah! That was in the 70's, wasn't it? The 70's is another planet.
He conquered Jerusalem and made it our capital.
"OK. Do you recall any things about David that are not so great?"
Silence. For almost the first time in this lesson. Then an unsure tone: "In order to get Batsheva he arranged the death of Uriah."
"Well done, Ofra! We'll talk about the abuse of power some other time. But the way in which David got Uriah killed just so that he could take Batsheva, Uriah's wife, to bed was a terrible act. According to the biblical account David paid for it dearly."
What Clinton did with that woman - what's her name ? - was that an abuse of power?
"No, Shira, I will not permit you to shift the topic of the lesson! It was not an abuse of power in the sense that King David abused his power, but you can ask that question again in Civics. Drop it for now."
That ball having been successfully fielded I tried to get the class back to the topic.
"So, it seems, that in order to be great you don't have to be perfect. If you are great enough people will remember you - in the case of David for more than three thousand years."
I interpreted their congenial silence as acceptance.
"What else do you remember about David?"
"He and Jonathan were great friends." The voice was very low, but very steady.
"Excellent, Oren! Well done!"
"Maybe Jonathan was as great as David, because he befriended David even though David was his father's mortal enemy," said Nir. So the ice had been broken and the two love birds were contributing to the lesson.
"That's true, Nir. Jonathan did not only befriend David, but remained a true and staunch friend even when his own father nearly killed him for it and even though he knew that David could well prevent him - Jonathan - from becoming king after his father, Saul. That's real friendship, is it not?"
General assent.
"I now want us to investigate the great friendship between David and Jonathan. Open your books, please, at the Second Book of Samuel, Chapter 17."
When they had done so I continued. "Read through the chapter very quickly: I'm not concerned with the details; I just want you to refresh your memories about the story."
It's about how David killed Goliath.
"That's right. What happened after that? Look at the end of the chapter."
David became a national hero.
"That's true. Now, what happened after that?"
It doesn't say. That's the end of the chapter.
So look at the next chapter, stupid!
"OK," I said hurriedly in order to forestall another outbreak when I least wanted it, "Arik, what does the very first verse of chapter 18 say?"
"It says that when David and Saul had finished their conversation Jonathan's soul became linked with David's soul, and that he loved David like himself."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
They became good friends.
"OK. Now read verses 3 and 4. What do they say, Arik?
"The love that Jonathan had for David got him to make a pact with him."
"It also says that Jonathan stripped off his coat and gave it to David together with his uniform and personal weapons, including his belt," said Ohad - his first contribution in a long while. "That sounds queer."
"Why does it sound queer?" Shlomit, his girlfriend argued. "He wanted to show him that he trusted him so he took off his coat and gave him his weapons."
"But," Ohad persisted, "it doesn't say that he took off his coat; it says that he stripped off his coat - you know, like you strip for PE, you take off your clothes."
"That, Ohad, is a very perceptive remark which notes a peculiarity of the text," I said, "but whether it has any significance will depend on further confirmation from the text. Let's continue our investigation."
I had them now, wholly and completely.
"Move on to Chapter 20. By this time Saul had made David his mortal enemy. David failed to turn up for a celebration at court and Saul was furious. Jonathan tried to defend his friend, but his father would have none of it. Look carefully at what Saul says to Jonathan in verse 30. Read it please, Arik.
"You perverted rebellious son, don’t I know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness?"
"Thank you. Now, everybody, try and rephrase the words into modern language"
"It sounds as if Saul is accusing Jonathan of some kind of perversion and that his relationship to David is shameful."
"Yes, Esti, it does sound like that - though other interpretations have been given. But again, I say, we must not give a final interpretation to any of these verses until we have something more or less incontrovertible."
A tense silence. They knew that something was about to happen.
"Now I want you to turn to Second Samuel, chapter 1. Both Saul and Jonathan have been killed by the Philistines on Mount Gilboa and in verses 17 to 27 we have David's famous lament over them." They knew this text well, because they had heard it declaimed many times in ceremonies for fallen soldiers on Memorial Day. But usually the quotation was stopped before the end of the lament. "I want you to look carefully at verse 26. Nir, read it out loud for us, please."
In a surprisingly steady voice Nir declaimed, "I am so sad for you, Jonathan my brother; you were so sweet to me. Your love for me was more wonderful than the love of women."
There was a moment's silence, then Charlie said, "It sounds as is they were a couple of queers."
"But what about David's many wives and children, what about his infatuation with Batsheva?" insisted Arik, truly confused.
I intervened. "I think you are forgetting that the human race cannot be divided neatly into straights and gays. There are also people who are bisexual, and it seems that David and Jonathan may have been like that - capable of deep love for people of their own sex and for the opposite sex as well."
But David was married - to many women!
"I just said that he was probably bisexual. But even if he was homosexual that doesn't mean that he could not marry and have children. You know the weekend magazine Town Mouse? In a recent poll of homosexuals the magazine reported that 20% of all the homosexuals who responded said that they were married.
"Before you go," I continued, looking at my watch, "I want to relate to something that Charlie said at the beginning of the lesson. Charlie made some rude comment about homos. Homos are people just like Charlie. Also, they prefer to be called Gays. Just think: Charlie was branding not only great people such as David and Jonathan, but also other great people such as Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, William Shakespeare, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, W.H. Auden, Leonard Bernstein, Rupert Everett, Elton John and George Michael to name but a few who are world famous. Who are you, Charlie Bozaglo, compared with them?"
The bell rang.
"OK. We're out of here," I said over the hubbub. "But just before we do," I added. Groans. "Homework." Groans.
We've already been given homework in History and English. That's enough for one day.
I've got basketball practice after school. Ain't got no time for homework.
What homework can there be? This was a lesson about queers!
"Yes, Charlie; and it is your answers that will get my special attention. Now what I want you to do is to choose one of the personalities I mentioned just a moment ago and summarize their contribution to human culture. Not more than 1000 words."
Can't remember who they were.
"I'm writing then on the board for you now..."
General pandemonium took over as students yelled at each other, snatched up books and headed outside. I was pleased with myself. I had laid the foundations in the class for a soft landing for my love birds if they ever had to make an emergency landing. Not bad, David, not bad. It was a good idea to think of using David and Jonathan.
David and Jonathan. David and Yoni. Yoni, my Yoni, where are you? You left a gaping hole in my heart. O shit! I am so sad for you, Jonathan my brother; you were so sweet to me. Your love for me was more wonderful than the love of women. Oh sod lifel!
* * * * * * * * *
The following day, after school, I was sitting in my office checking that all reports that would be needed for the faculty meeting that was coming up had been prepared and printed off. I needn't have bothered, of course. Rikki never made a single mistake. (Except when she fucked things up, and then she would do the mother of all fuck-ups.) I was just about ready to grab my things and make for home when there was a knock at the door. It was Oren Suissa.
"Come in, Oren. Is everything OK?"
"Can I have a word with you, David? It's about our homework."
"Sure, come in. Sit down." Why did they always turn up just when you are ready to go home? I sighed what I hope was an inaudible sigh. "What's the problem?"
"You remember the assignment? - to write about the cultural contribution of certain ... people?"
"Yes. Was that a problem?"
"No. Not at all. I chose Michaelangelo. There was loads about him in the encyclopedia. But, David, there was nothing there about him being ... sort of ... gay, sort of."
"I don't find that surprising, Oren."
"Well, I expected them to write something."
"Why?"
"Because it's important."
"To whom?"
"To me. To everyone, I would think."
"Oren, think of another great person - one that we didn't mention in class."
"I don't know the names of any more famous gays, David."
"I didn't say they had to be gay. Just anyone famous."
"What about ... Golda Meir, say?"
"Fine. Let it be Golda Meir. Anwar Sadat used to call her 'the old lady'. But never mind that. Go and boot up that computer over there, log into the Internet and do a search; see what you can find about Golda Meir. I am interested in her personal biography."
Fifteen minutes later I came over to where he was working at the computer. I laid a hand on his shoulder and said, "So, Oren. What have you found?"
"Loads. It's amazing. What a woman!"
"True. But there is one aspect of her biography that particularly interests me. What was her sexual orientation?"
"Huh?"
"What does it say about her sex life? Was she straight? Was she a lesbian? You know."
"I didn't find out anything about her sex life. It wasn't mentioned. And it doesn't seem really relevant."
"Exactly!"
"I don't understand."
"The sex life and orientation of Golda Meir was not relevant to her contribution to our country's history. I'm sure she had one. After all, she was already a great-grandmother when she became our prime minister. But it's just not relevant. Why did you expect the sexual orientation of Michaelangelo to be mentioned?"
"I see what you're getting at. I've never thought about it that way. I must remember to tell that to Nir."
"So, you have an answer that you are satisfied with?"
"No." Another sigh that I hope was inaudible too. "While I was doing my homework my grandad came over. He asked what my homework was and I explained it all to him. He was shocked. He said that we shouldn't be learning about that kind of stuff in school."
"Well, I suppose I can understand that. Your grandfather was born and raised in Morocco, wasn't he? That was a different world, Oren."
"Yes, he was a rabbi in Morocco. And then he said that the Bible says that it's forbidden to be a homosexual, that it's a... a... an abomination. What's an abomination, David?"
"It's something of which scripture strongly disapproves."
"Does that mean that the Bible disapproves of me because I am what I am?"
"I don't think that is what the Bible is saying; but I must admit that there are people - like your grandfather - who would say so."
"What do you think, sir?"
"Oren." I stopped. How could I answer this kid? "Oren." I tried again with no better luck. "Oren." Third time lucky? No.
"Sir, if you don't want to tell me it's OK."
"No, Oren, it's not that I don't want to tell you, it's more that I am not quite sure how to tell you. Also, I am not sure that it's fair for someone like me to tell you what religiously-minded people think about what the Bible says in this matter. I am not certain that I can represent their views to you in a fair manner."
"Why not?"
God, Oren stop making this so difficult for me! Bugger, bugger, bugger! Sod you! Stop looking at me with those trusting eyes as if I was a god or something. Why must you be so bloody trusting? Why do you force me into a situation that I don't want to be in at all?
"Oren, if I were to ask you what kind of a person Nir was, what would you say?"
"I'd say that he is the most wonderful guy that there is on the face of this earth."
"If I were to ask Charlie Bozaglo the same question, what would he say?"
"Um. Oh. I see what you mean. You mean that you think about us like Charlie and Beber do. I thought -"
"No, Oren, no! I do not think about you as they do." His face showed visible signs of relief. "But since I do not understand the Bible in this matter as your grandfather does it would not be fair for me to represent his views. If you want a fair religious criticism about what your grandfather says you must ask another rabbi."
"I don't know any other rabbis - at least, not any that I'd like to talk to about a... a... abominations, sort of."
"I know a rabbi who might be prepared to talk to you, but I think that Nir should be with you as well."
"Oh, yes please!"
"I knew him in the army. He was a very nice guy, not snooty like some religious people seem to be. I'll call him up this evening and see if we can make an appointment."
"Thank you, David. Thank you, sir."
Phew! I got out of that by the skin of my teeth. But of course I knew that I hadn't played fair: I'd passed the buck. I had betrayed my profession. I had betrayed Oren's trust. Fuck you, Oren Suissa! Why the hell must you be so trusting? Damn. Damn. Damn.
David, you old sod, you know why he is so trusting. It's because he realizes that he and Nir are going to drown in water too deep for them if they don't have something to hold on to, to keep their chins above water. You are that something, and you can't let them down now. They need you. They are only just beginning to discover who they are and what they are. Don't you remember how frightening that was?
Yoni, where are you? Why have you left me all alone? I can't fight this fight that is life all by myself. Yoni, my Yoni. Oh, bugger life!
* * * * * * * * *
All three of us arrived at the Yeshiva at the time of the appointment I had managed to make. When I had known him Moshe had been an army chaplain, but now he was the head of his own yeshiva - a place where religiously motivated men could study Bible and Talmud day and night. Usually these places were hotbeds of religious obscurantist fundamentalism, where thousands of young, healthy, men opted out of society and the duty of the draft by an unholy agreement between the religious sector and successive governments of all persuasions. But this Yeshiva was one of those that was different. Here the young men shared their time between religious studies and army service, and after a few years of both they were expected to go out into the big wide world and earn their keep in order to justify their place on this planet.
As we walked up the steps that led up to the entrance of the none-too-imposing building I told Oren and Nir to put on the skullcaps that I had told them to bring, as a mark of respect. The vestibule gave way to a large hall in which some fifty or more young men were discussing and arguing Talmud at the tops of their voices. A real latter-day Babel. An attendant shouted into my ear a question: what did I want? I shouted back into his ear: Moshe, the head of the Yeshiva. He motioned 'follow me' and took us down a corridor. He stopped before the door to a room and knocked on it. A voice called from within "Come in". He motioned to me to go in, so I opened the door and we went in. The attendant closed the door behind us.
The room was amazing. It was not large, but every single inch of wall space was covered with shelf upon shelf of books. There were books everywhere - not only on the shelves but also on the table, which was covered with them, some of them still open. There were even books piled up on chairs and some even resting in piles on the floor! Moshe looked up and saw us. He hurried from behind his desk and came towards me with a huge smile on his face and a bright twinkle in his eye.
"Dudu," he said after he had given me a most warm bear hug, "It's wonderful to see you again. You are looking great. You have hardly changed from the young soldiers that we were!"
"Neither have you, Moshe," I said gallantly; "except that now I must address you as Rabbi Moshe."
"Nonsense, nonsense!" he said with a wave of dismissal. "Introduce me to your friends."
"This is Oren Suissa," I said, "and this is Nir Arazi. They are eleventh grade students in the school where I teach."
"How do you do?" said Moshe, warmly, solemnly shaking hands with both of them. "Won't you please sit down? - if you can find a free chair, that is!" he said with a laugh. He took a pile of books off a chair and placed them perilously on top of some other books already on a shelf; then he indicated to Oren that the chair was vacant. Nir and I sat down on two other chairs that were miraculously vacant as well. "What about a cup of tea?" asked Moshe, but we all politely declined.
"Well then," said Rabbi Moshe, folding his hands in front of him and looking straight at the boys, giving them his whole and undivided attention; "how can I help?"
I thought that this was where there would be a long pause in which the boys would be embarrassed and not know how to continue. I was wrong. Oren, it turned out, was a very resourceful young man. He had obviously foreseen this moment and was prepared for it.
"You see, rabbi, we were given this assignment for homework. We were told to write up about the contribution of certain historical personalities to human culture. The one I chose was Michaelangelo. Now what all the personalities we could choose from had in common was the fact that they were gay - er - homosexual. My grandfather is a rabbi and he said that the Bible says that it's forbidden to be a homosexual, that it's an abomination. Nir and me wanted to know whether this is correct."
"I see. Tell me, why do you doubt his word?"
Now there was an embarrassed silence. They weren't prepared for that one. It was Nir who suddenly realised that if they were to get any benefit from this meeting that had to put all their cards on the table.
"Oren and I very much hope that there's another way of looking at this." OK, it wasn't all their cards, but it was most of them. Moshe gave me a steady look and his eyebrows went up in an unspoken question. I gave an imperceptible nod.
"All right," said Rabbi Moshe. "I'll tell you straight out that your venerable grandfather, Oren, is not correct in what he told you. The Bible does not say anywhere or imply anywhere that it is forbidden to be gay. Gay people can no more help being gay than straight people can help being straight. That's the way they are. Modern science does not yet know whether being gay is something that is inherited in the genes we are born with or nurtured in us in earliest infancy. But one thing is clear: the gay person does not choose to be gay: he or she just is. Gay men are attracted to other men just as surely as straight men are attracted to women."
Oren and Nir were nodding their heads and beaming. When Moshe mentioned about gay men being attracted to other men their hands sought each other under the table. It was so touching.
"A God of love and compassion could hardly be expected to have creatures who experience certain feelings and urges over which they have no conscious control and then brand those urges and feelings as an abomination. Do you not agree with me?" They energetically nodded agreement. He had them, heart and soul.
"But, rabbi, my grandfather quoted from the Bible," Oren protested gently.
"Oren and Nir, listen to me very carefully please. I said that your grandfather was wrong when he said that the Bible forbids a person to be gay. However, if he intended to imply that the Bible forbids a certain gay activity he is correct. It is not the being gay that the Bible forbids; it is that particular gay activity."
"What is that activity?" asked Nir in a husky voice.
"Dudu, would you please be so kind as to pass over four copies of the book of Leviticus. You'll find them on the fourth shelf down just behind you."
I retrieved the books and handed them out. Each book was a slim volume containing only the book of Leviticus. The original text was a small square in an upper quadrant of each page, and the rest of the page was filled with commentaries in very small print.
"Thank you, Dudu."
Oh Moshe, Moshe; why are you doing this to me? Dudu! Tomorrow it will be all over the school! But then he knew us as Dudu and Yoni, so for him it was natural.
"Now, would you please be so kind as to open the book at chapter 18. This whole chapter is about restrictions placed on human sexuality. For the most part it relates to straight people, as you can guess. After all, at the most generous estimate only about ten percent of human society has this variation in human sexuality that we call homosexuality."
"In the Bible there are restrictions on straight sex?" asked Nir incredulously.
"Yes, Nir, there are. Whom you may not have sex with, when you may not - things like that."
"Like adultery?"
"Yes, such as adultery. So the Bible is not singling out just gays."
"What is the restriction placed on gays?" asked Oren.
"Please look at verse 22. Do you understand it? Can you rephrase it in modern language?"
"And with a male you shall not lie a woman's bedding; it is an abomination," said Oren. "What does woman's bedding mean?"
"It's a difficult phrase, Oren. In our tradition our sages of blessed memory have explained that the phrase means that one male may not sexually penetrate another male as he would penetrate a woman." Beautifully done, Moshe, beautifully done.
"But how can a man penetrate a man?" asked Nir innocently. There was no guile at all in his question.
"Even if it is not clear to you now," said Moshe, backing off slightly, "I am certain that you will come to understand it in the future."
"So, according to our religious tradition it is only this ... this penetration that is forbidden? Anything else is permitted?"
"Not quite. Penetration is what the Bible forbids. Our sages, the great rabbis of the past, certainly did not approve of homosexual activity at all."
"You are a rabbi, Moshe; what do you think?" asked Oren boldly.
"I think that our modern understanding of the human psyche permits us to realise things that the sages of earlier generations were not able to realise. As I said earlier, we now know that being gay is not a perversion deliberately and rebelliously chosen by a man but a psychological state over which he has no control. I mean that we now understand that the gay person cannot control his feelings and urges; I do believe that he can and must control his behaviour - just as a straight person must. The behaviour that the Bible prohibits is that penetration that I mentioned.
"Now, not all modern rabbis would agree with me. But more and more are coming round to my way of thinking. Given time, a lot of time, it will become more and more understood."
"Rabbi Moshe, can a gay couple marry each other?" Oren's boldness suggested to me that his query was born of practical considerations that were at the back of his mind.
"Oren, I will not answer your question at this time. Forgive me. But if, at any time in the future, any issue like that becomes a practical one for you or anyone you may know, please don't hesitate to come back to me for advice."
Oren was prepared to accept that. I stood up.
"I think we have trespassed already too much on Rabbi Moshe's valuable time. We must not outstay our welcome, " I said.
The boys stood up.
"One last question?" begged Nir.
"Of course, Nir. What is it?"
"Rabbi, have you personally known any gays? Are there any gays in this Yeshiva?"
"The answer to your first question is yes. The answer to your second question is that I would be very surprised indeed if there were not."
* * * * * * * * *
That visit did the boys a world of good. They seemed to have more confidence and to be more relaxed about their sexuality. Their situational circumstances being what they were I had no doubt that the question of 'penetration' would not be a practical one for some time to come. Shit! They didn't even have anywhere they could just hold hands! Could things get better for them? Shit! Shit! Shit! Could things get worse?
But the visit to Moshe for me brought back painful memories. Memories of a very intense discussion between three people in a small army tent... Yoni, where are you? Why have you left me all alone? Life without you is so hard to bear, so bleak, so empty. Yoni, my Yoni. Oh, bugger life!
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