Nevermore!
by and © Henry Higgins
Chapter 9, Lunch at the Golden Stage
"Kenny, what do you think about grabbing some lunch and then a movie?" I said.
"Sounds great. I'm starving!"
At first, I was surprised to hear that, but then realized that it had, after all, been a full three hours since he had eaten; that he probably needed to build nutrients back into his system after his illness; and that indeed, we both had a growing, teenage body to deal with - him from the owner's perspective and me from a caregiver's perspective.
"The Golden Stage Diner in the shopping center over there puts out pretty good sandwiches. Then when we finish, we'll be close to the theater," I suggested.
Kenny looked at me with his intent gaze. "That would be okay," he said.
"You know about that place?" I asked.
"Um... Yeah."
My antennae went up as I sensed there was more to his answer than I was hearing; but I decided not to press it. If he wanted to tell me, he would. There was no need for me to be nosey.
As we walked down to the diner, both Kenny and I caught sight of a ragamuffin boy standing outside the video store. The boy appeared to be around 13 or 14 and looked pointedly at Kenny, then at me. Kenny nodded to him, but said nothing as we walked on. Years ago, I would have been all over that boy like flies on honey.
"You know him?" I asked.
"Yeah," Kenny answered, "That's Rusty." I puzzled over this. I remembered Kenny mentioning a school friend named Rusty. Why would he be embarrassed to introduce me to his friend? As we entered the diner and took a booth, I was as confused as ever.
"You ever eat here?" I asked Kenny.
"Sometimes. More often, I just work the place," he answered.
"What? Like you work the beehive?"
"Yeah... I, uh... Well... " I was learning that whenever he began to hesitate like this, he was chewing on something difficult. So I just let him take his time; but I didn't take my eyes off him - that is, until the waitress came over. Her nametag said Delores.
"What can I get for youse?" She looked first at me and then at him and did a little double take. "Oh, hi, Kenny! I almost didn't recognize ya all dressed up. Isn't that a new jacket? You look real nice, hon." She winked at me as she said this.
Kenny stammered, "Uh, hi D. Um... Oh. Yeah... I got a new coat."
"Hi Delores," I said. "I'm Jim Watson, Kenny's cousin. I've been away for a while and was coming back through town, so I wanted to see my cuz. His rags were getting kinda threadbare, so we went shopping for something warm for winter."
"Oh, that's nice, Mr. Watson. I'm sure he can use it. Kenny's one of the nicest kids who hangs around here. We all just love him!" The waitress smiled warmly as Kenny blushed a deep shade of red. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"
"Thanks, Delores. I'll have a cup of coffee - regular and black. Kenny, what about you?"
"Um... I'll have a Coke. Thanks, D." Kenny mumbled this, with his head down. My confusion deepened. If Kenny knew these people, why would he be so embarrassed? Then it began to come clear. I decided to test my theory gently.
"I gather, Kenny, that people around here are more used to seeing you in your red sweatshirt," I offered, hoping to help untie his tongue and find out a little more about what was going on in his head. He didn't say anything or look at me, but just nodded yes. "Kenny, look at me." My eyes were filling up again; I just hurt so much for this kid. Slowly, he looked up to gaze at me.
My throat tightened up. "I'm not totally sure what's going on with you, but I have an idea: you're embarrassed to have me see this part of your life, right?" A tear made its way down each cheek. He nodded yes.
I continued. "I can understand that you'd be embarrassed about it, son. It's like none of us wants anybody to see our worst parts, the nastiest ones. Right?" He nodded. "Do you know that I feel the same way when I have to talk about what happened fourteen years ago and the time I spent in prison?"
"Yeah, I guess," he mumbled.
"Here you go, guys!" Delores put the coffee in front of me and the Coke in front of Kenny.
"Thanks, Delores," I said.
"That's 'D,' okay?"
"Sure, D," I said.
"Okay, I'll leave you two alone, cause it looks like you're having a good talk." She winked pointedly at me. I winked back. Kenny had his head back down.
"Like I was saying, Kenny: I feel the same way. That's stuff that I have such a hard time talking about because I feel so guilty about the way it turned out for David." I began to choke up. Kenny looked at me, concerned.
"When I was arrested and lost David, I thought my whole world had come to an end. And then, as time went on, I began to realize that my life wasn't the only one I had messed up, but his, too. When I got out, I felt like everybody in town knew what had happened. Of course, I later realized I was wrong. That stuff was old, old news by then. Rog helped me to see this - that few if any people around here connected me with what had happened before."
We were both quiet for a minute, swiping at our eyes occasionally with our fingers, but otherwise trying to look as if we were having a normal lunchtime conversation. Although we were separated by two-and-a-half feet of table, I could feel such an incredible bond between the two of us that I could almost touch it.
But, I still didn't have it all said - what I wanted to say to this boy who was so embarrassed at what he had done just to survive. "I guess I'd feel the same way if we were to run into one of my old fellow inmates on the street."
His eyes widened as he looked up at me. "Has that ever happened to you?"
"Not for a long time; and not when I was with anyone else. But I still felt funny when I'd run into someone I had known in prison. It only happened a time or two."
"Oh." Kenny played with his menu. "Kinda like when we ran into Dave at Bambles."
"Exactly!" I said. And then I remembered that he had said he was starving. "Oh, I'm sorry, Kenny! Here I am going on about myself and you must be doubly hungry now. Bad me!"
He smiled at this. "Yeah, well... I guess we were both kinda involved."
"Do you know what you want?" I asked.
"I usually get a double cheeseburger on a roll with extra cheese and bacon. Would that be okay?"
I smiled. "Kiddo, anything you want is okay."
"Okay, I'll have that."
"And, is the Coke okay, or would you like a milkshake or a Coke float?" I asked.
He grinned widely. "Oh! A vanilla milkshake would be the best!"
"Okay, you got it. I think I'll have a chicken Caesar salad."
I noticed that D had been eyeing us throughout this intense conversation. So the next time I caught her eye, I nodded and she came over to take our order.
"D, my cuz here will have what he says is his usual - a double cheeseburger with extra bacon and cheese. And, he'd like a vanilla milkshake. I'll have a chicken Caesar salad and a refill on the coffee."
"Okay, Mr. Watson. Yeah, Kenny is famous around here for his double cheeseburgers. We don't know where he puts 'em all!" The waitress grinned, discreetly overlooking our tear tracks as Kenny smiled self-consciously.
"Now, where were we?" I tried to think back to where we had left off.
"You were telling me about how you felt when you'd run into somebody you were in prison with so that I wouldn't feel so bad about running into people who've seen me working," he said.
I gazed at him, surprised. I would have bet that he was only beginning to understand what I was trying to get at. I blinked back my tears, but his just kept running silently down his face. He didn't even try to brush them away.
"Uh, yeah," I said.
"You look surprised," he observed.
"That's putting it mildly! There are times that you just totally blow me away, Kenny. So, when did you catch on?"
"Back when I saw you start to cry, Jim. You're the only person I've ever known who has even half a clue how I feel. YOU astonish ME, man! I never thought I would ever find anyone who could understand me even half as well as you do."
"You are one bright kid, Kenny! And, you know, here you are the victim and I'm the offender, well ex-offender at least, and we find that we're so very similar. I never thought this would happen."
We lapsed into silence, just being with each other. Kenny wasn't about to show me physical affection on his turf; but under the table, he clasped one of my legs firmly between his.
"Okay guys, here ya go!" shouted D, as she laid Kenny's double-cholesterol bomb in front of him and my salad in front of me. "You know what, Kenny, you oughta take a lesson from your cousin, here, and have a salad, too. It's a lot better for ya!"
"Oh, D," he whined, "I'm just a kid, ya know. I'll eat that healthy stuff when I get older, like my cuz here. Till then, I'm gonna have some serious fun." He grinned, soaking up her attention.
"I'm sure glad you came to see him, Mr. Watson," she said to me. "We worry about Kenny a lot around here. We all just love him to pieces."
"I can see that, D, and believe me, I sincerely appreciate it. He's a very dear cousin." I answered, and felt the pressure on my leg tighten considerably.
When she returned to the kitchen, I said to Kenny, "I'm glad to see that you have some very good friends, Kenny."
"Yeah, D's the best. There's been more than one time that she has slipped me some breakfast or dinner and not even charged me for it. I'm real careful to keep what I do for money a secret, 'cause I'm afraid she'd dump me if she knew."
"And you think that she doesn't know?" I asked.
"What? About me and guys? Hell, no."
"Oh, come on, Kenny. She sees you in here without any visible means of support, unlike other kids who come in here. She sees you sit down with guys my age and older. And then what? You go in the restroom together, or one right after the other? Or, you leave together? D looks like a gal who's been around the block, Kenny. She knows how things work. And, she knows that kids like you have to make it in spite of drunken parents and being on their own. And, she knows there are guys like me who are willing to pay kids like you for the kind of sex they want." He looked at me so intently that it was like he was boring a hole into my soul. And, that pressure on my legs hadn't let up, either. Strong adductors! I wondered where he'd got that.
I plunged ahead. "The point is, Kenny, that D loves you regardless of what you do for bread - just like I do. She sees the magnificent human being that's behind those working clothes and loves that person. I do, too. Don't be down on yourself for doing what you have to do, man. We've all gotta keep living; we can't give up. Well, some people do, but I think you know what I mean." I was all talked out, so I fell silent and dug into my salad. Kenny already had half of his cheeseburger gone as he had been listening to me. And then, I began to wonder about the safety of my leg, because that pressure, that vice-like grip just had not let up.
We ate in silence for a while. I could almost feel his wheels turning as he digested what I had said. About that time, the boy we had passed earlier came into the diner and chose a seat at the end of the counter, where we could see each other directly. Every now and then he would turn around to look at us.
"Your friend has just come in, Kenny. Why don't you ask him over?"
"We kinda have an unwritten rule that we don't mess with each other when one of us is working. I guess he thinks I'm working."
I observed, "Well, that would be a logical conclusion, wouldn't it? But you aren't working. So if you want to ask him over, it's okay with me."
"Well, he's probably hungry, Jim; so you'd have to buy him some food. Is that okay with you? I don't wanna assume anything, ya know."
"I wish that I had enough money to feed all the hungry kids in the world, Kenny, but I don't. Still, I don't mind buying food for this boy. Just realize that there's a vast difference between me buying him lunch and installing him in my heart, the way I have you."
Kenny studied me thoughtfully for a long minute before giving me one of those "How did you know?" smirks. Then suddenly, my leg was freed from its love-clasp under the table as he went over to the boy and invited him to join us.
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