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You are here: Home > Story Shelf > All Authors > Hans Schreiber > Val 'n Tyne | Chapter 12 | Hans Schreiber and Flip McHooter

Val 'n Tyne

by Hans Schreiber and Flip McHooter

Chapter 12

"What are you hungry for, dude? Think we can find something tasty around this joint that's healthy?" Nick asked, as he and Noah walked around the big, Spanish-style outdoor mall. Sun-baked plaster was all around, red-tiled roofs and lots of fountains scattered around the area gave the shopping center a cool, low-key feeling. The Commons was a fancier place than the super-huge indoor mall back over in Hartsdale, but it didn't have much for kids their age. Plus, the restaurants were pretty upscale and trendy, for the most part.

"It doesn't matter to me. Whatever you want is cool. I'm chill. As long as it doesn't cost too much coin. Whole Paycheck is expensive, you know, but that doesn't mean they pay their employees all that much," Noah complained. "You wanna get us some Chili's? I could go for some Margarita Grilled Chicken. Yum! You could get a Big Mouth Burger. That's healthy and would fit your face."

"Shut up, pendejo. Yeah that sounds good, I guess. To tell you the truth though, I'm not really that hungry yet. Let's see if we can get into that Dave and Buster's and play some games for a while first. I don't really want to eat there but they have some kick ass games."

"Freakin' A, I want to. I've wanted to go there for a long time but they won't let kids in without an adult," Noah responded.

"Yeah they will when it's this early. They don't cut off teens until around six. Besides, I got a membership card. It's something my dad likes doing. We rarely go because of his schedule but when we do, we have a kick-ass time. I think I've got like $50 bucks loaded on this card we can use to play with."

"Holy Pacman, Mario. Let's go!"

Nick laughed and they headed toward Dave and Busters. Nick had to scold Noah twice to stop his odd half dance – half skip thing and walk normal. Noah reluctantly obeyed.

Nick had more fun watching Noah get into the games than he had playing them himself. Everything was so animated and full of exuberance with Noah. He was like a big kid running from game to game and falling on the floor clutching his heart when he would fail in a game while jumping up and down if he won. Others around him would stop what they were doing and watch in amusement. Nick's initial embarrassment turned to amusement as well as he saw the genuine innocent joy Noah had for life. Before they knew it, it was almost seven when the staff encouraged them to leave.

"Let's head to Chili's now," Noah suggested.

"It's getting kinda crowded out here now though and the lines are pretty long. How about we pick up some Subway sandwiches and eat them in my car? I saw one when we walked by that tiny food court. We can open the sunroof, push the seats back and watch the stars come out. Listen to some cool tunes. Maybe get some kissy face on again," he suggested shyly. "Just you and me and the sky."

"Just the three of us? I love threesomes. Seriously, that sounds nice, amigo. And my wallet definitely agrees. 'Fancy cars and stars' - you're such a freakin' romantic," giggled Noah in a sing-song voice. "But wait! Isn't that some stupid line you use on all of your skanky girl-dates?"

"No way, Woody. Girls aren't all that romantic, contrary to popular opinion. I said that just for you – why – I seriously don't know. I guess it must be your sweet testosterone filling up my nostrils. Either that or your crazy cologne. What is that anyway?"

Noah got suddenly silent.

"What? Why are you all of a sudden so quiet?"

"Well. I … I'm not sure I should tell you. You might not like it."

"Okay, well now you have to tell me or I'll have to beat it out of you." Nick laughed and held up a fist.

"My cologne is called 'Possess' and it's got pheromones in it designed to attract men." Noah looked anxiously at Nick to gauge his reaction.

Nick looked suspiciously at Noah, then realized it was no joke. He busted out laughing. "Only you would do that. Wow. You're one sly, seductive fucker, you know that? First the car thing and now, what did you call it, 'Fairy Moan' cologne. No wonder I'm so hopelessly sucked into your spell. You gonna slip me a date rape drug in my drink, too? You conniving sex fiend."

"Conniving Sex Fiend – NOT! You are so full of shit, mo-fo. One day I'm gonna mess you up good and all of that shit's gonna pour out your ears!"

"No way dude, you're the one with shit for brains," he laughed. "Besides, I'd like to see you try. Anyway, let's roll before that Fairy Moan stuff drives me crazy and I throw you down and have my way with you right here in the mall." Laughing and wobbling into each other, the boys cruised on over to the fancy-schmancy tiny food court with four or five almost empty fast-food places. They spotted the Subway and once inside were surprised to see Nick's basketball teammate, Dane, fixing sandwiches behind the shiny glassy counter. Neither Nick nor Noah had any idea that Dane worked there. Nick was still embarrassed to see him, especially after everyone found out about the jack-off picture Nick took of Dane in the toilet cubicle. He wanted to run and hide but there was no time to turn around. Noah was, as always, totally clueless and was already in line to order.

"Let's go somewhere else," Nick said hastily, but it was too late to go out the door without being seen.

"Why? They're not busy and the food looks good and fresh. You want to eat something else? Sushi maybe?"

"No, no it's just that …"

"Hey, Nick! Dude! What you doing here? I thought you were going to the movies with Val tonight. Oh, hi Noah. What are you guys doing here … together?"

"Oh, hey Dane," Nick said, thinking fast, and trying to come up with some reasonable and believable lie, something he wasn't really very good at. "Noah and I, we bumped into each other… and then we started talking… and then decided to get something to eat…we were both hungry. We're not like 'together' here. Hey, are you still mad at me? I'm so fuckin' sorry for taking that picture. I don't know what I was thinking." Noah just stood there and scrunched his eyes looking sadly over at his 'date'.

"I'm not mad. Not anymore, really," Dane said sincerely. "Actually, I was surprised, and then once I thought it through, I was flattered you'd want a picture of me like that. Umm, that sounded kind of gay, but I didn't mean it like that. Sorry I beat the crap out of you in the locker room the other day over it. I was just way embarrassed in front of the team over it and I just reacted. And I'm sorry that Val had to get involved, I know you guys were friends. He did some serious damage to my hand, but I had it coming. Man, he's tough! But we're all good now, I promise. If I was still pissed I would have had you kicked off the team."

Dane glanced around and no one was in earshot so he added in a hushed tone, "The worst part of it all was that afterwards I was totally self conscious about going into a toilet stall because I thought everyone would assume I was in there slapping the salami. I nearly died from blue balls. I don't know about you guys, but if I don't squeeze the tube and squirt the mayo like two or three times a day, I'm like going crazy.

So, you want something to drink? Hey Tawny , I've got this covered. Why don't you go take a break for a few minutes?" Then, ignoring the cute, short girl with tri-colored hair - and changing the subject – again, he looked back over at Noah and said, "Hey Noah, you're looking good. Still not wearing your piercings?" he said quietly. "I almost didn't recognize you. You look different - better."

Noah, never at a loss for words, was taken aback by the redheaded jock who had never, ever talked to him before like this. He decided that this dude was cute, in a simple, non-threatening kind of way. But he still wasn't going to open up to him. "Um, I left them at home. Wanted to try something different for a change, that's all. I'm surprised you noticed. Hey – I didn't know you worked here. How come you don't work at the Subway at our mall back in town?"

"I don't really work here. I'm helping out my brother-in-law who owns this franchise. They had a bunch of people call in sick today 'cause it was so nice out, so I'm helping out as a favor to him. My older sister's in her last trimester so she can't be here. She's having triplets! My first niece's or nephew's. Can you believe it! So, like, I was supposed to go to the tri-plex with Val and you guys to see a movie, but I never heard from anybody. Have you heard from Val, Nick?"

"No. I tried texting a couple times but no answer. Maybe they stayed later at the lake. Noah hasn't heard from Tyne either."

"Wait. Are you saying Val and Tyne went to the lake together? For real? Like on that date thing?"

Noah looked at Nick with hands on both hips and his lips scrunched into a pucker. "Oh, I think I wasn't supposed to say anything about that," Nick muttered. "But yeah. They did. Don't go spreading it around, okay?"

"None of my business. Just kind of interesting though. Really interesting. Anyway, what do you guys want? I can hook you guys up with some killer sandwiches. Hell yeah, they're super-killer! I'll put extra stuff on 'em for you. Yummy stuff. Anything you want. He won't care. I've had three myself already. And a boat-load of iced tea. If you hang around, we could go catch a show ourselves when I get off at eight."

"Yeah, it shows, dude – all that caffeine's got you bouncing. I've never heard you talk this much. But that's cool. What do you want Noah? My treat. It's the least I can do for you showing us those sick moves at the dance last night and I got some bills burning a hole in my wallet," Nick offered.

"Um, just a Cold Cut Club, I guess, and a Coke. If it's not too much trouble," Noah said quietly. He hated to be patronized and was getting more and more furious by the second that Nick was pretending they hadn't come to the mall together.

"No trouble at all, my man. I'll add some extra meat and cheese and throw some tasty veggies on it for you. It'll be butter, I swear. How about some salami and a nice big squirt of mayo on that club?" Dane grinned mischievously.

"Uhh, hold the mayo when you get to mine. You sort of ruined me on that. I got a bad image going."

Noah started tittering with laughter. "He may not want the mayo, but I think he'd love it if you slipped some salami between his buns." Nick blushed and gave Noah a playful shove.

"You fuckin' little smart ass," Nick said. Dane was cracking up behind the counter.

"What was that, Nick? You'd like to fuck his little smart ass," Dane said rubbing it in. Nick just shook his head over getting double teamed. Dane turned to Noah and said, "By the way, I have to agree that those were some really kick-ass moves you showed us. Dude, you were sick! I've never seen a guy that could shake his ass like you did. That was probably the most fun that I've ever had at a dance before. And then they played Wild Ones three freakin' times! Oh – yeah! You know what I really thought was chill is when your friend, Tyne, the smart dude with the Beeb's long blond hair got everybody down on the floor. Kinda like in that movie Footloose, you know? I loved that movie. I must have seen it three times. I want to dance like that like all the time. I bet it would help with my moves on the hardwood." Dane did a quick slide, spun in a circle and took an imaginary basketball shot. "Hey – wait! Noah, weren't you in that? The Drama Club put it on. Hell yeah! That was you. I remember now."

"Yeah, I was in it. But it was just a small part. Just dancing and not much singing or talking. No big deal," Noah said. "I'm surprised you came to see it." This guy sure was chatty. It was driving him crazy. In fact, if he had one of his Ritalin pills on him, he'd give it to the guy just to calm him down.

"Well, I remember you. Oh yeah! You were phenomenal. I go to all the plays with my mom. I've actually been to a couple Broadway plays even. My mom loves them and drags me along. I don't mind it though. I kind of like it."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Nick! Watcha want? Let me load you up," he said, switching gears. It was beginning to be difficult to keep up with him.

"Um, well, I am super hungry. How about just an Italian BMT, a Steak and Cheese, and a Cold Cut Club, too. All on flatbread. Just six inchers, though. That should be enough for now. Oh, and an extra-large Diet Coke."

"Watching your calories and sugar, huh? I get that. But three sandwiches enough?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Done!"

Nick and Noah took a seat at a hard plastic table and let Dane do his magic on the sandwiches behind the counter. Nick was uncomfortable, to say the least and Noah was just plain pissed off. They sat there, not talking, staring at the glossy floor, both of them waiting for something else to happen. Finally, after an agonizing wait, Dane yelled across the empty store to tell them that their order was ready.

"Hey, it was good to see both you guys. So how about the movie?"

"Can't. Sorry," Noah interjected before Nick could answer. "Nick's offered me a ride home in his car and I can't stay for a movie."

"Maybe we can all hook-up and do something together another time then. Get Val and Tyne too. Maybe some of the other guys. That would be awesome."

"Yeah, that sounds good. How much do I owe you?" Nick asked.

"Stick a Hamilton in the tip jar and we'll call it even. I'm not getting paid for this gig and we've got way too much grub that we're gonna have to toss if we don't use it tonight. That chick back there can use the tips. Thanks for coming in. It really helped pass the time and it was good to see someone I know. Both of you. And I mean what I said: Let's all get together sometime," Dane said with a big toothy grin. He actually was kinda cute but Noah fought off the thought and persisted in being annoyed by him.

"Okay, cool. Thanks man. We will. Noah, anything else?"

"Nah, I'm all good. Thanks Dane. Good to see you again." Noah grabbed his sack and drink and headed out the door, followed closely by Nick. Once they were out of earshot, Noah laid into Nick. "What the fuck was that all about? You afraid to be seen with me? We were having such a great day and now you're all scared? What's with you?"

"Calm down, dude. I knew I fucked up the minute that shit spewed over my lips and out my mouth. It has nothing to do with you and everything about me. I'm just a freakin' dork! My brain works slower than my mouth sometimes. Honestly, I'm not used to this, Noah, not really. You're my first man date, okay. It's one thing being together in front of strangers or old guys and pruned-face old bitches, but it's another to be in front of my teammates. I've never been out in public with a guy before and I guess when I got popped, I got stupid. Stupid beyond belief. Please, please, please, don't be mad at me. I promise I'll do better. I'll work harder. I promise. Extra hard. I really like you and don't want to screw this up."

"That's just it. I like you too, a lot, but it'll never work unless you're cool with yourself and be who you are. You can't be a fake-ass dumb-shit and expect people to like you. They'll see through it and either ignore you or give you crap."

"I know," he said dejectedly. After a long minute he said, "I know. You're right. It's not that easy for me. I don't really have it all together. I'm not like you, Noah. You're all cool and chill and all, and you don't give a flying fuck what people think. See, this is just so new to me, and I'm not used to it. The real truth? Listen: If my parents ever found out I was with a guy doing stuff like this, they'd freak. They don't care about the girls I mess with as long as I don't get any of them pregnant, or get an STD. And it's not that they don't like gays; they do. They have lots of gay friends. Well, my mom, not my dad so much. Anyway, it's just that they have my whole life mapped out for me already. Get good grades. Go to an Ivy League school. Join a fraternity. Intern for a Judge. Buy a Porsche. Get some speeding tickets. Meet a girl with political parents. Get engaged. Pass the bar. Get married. Join an exclusive law firm. Crank out babies and billable hours. Fuck! Being bi, or even gay, just doesn't fit into that mold. And to tell you the truth, I really don't want that life they have planned for me. Sometimes I just want to run. Run the hell away."

"Yeah, I can see why. I getcha, man. You'll be burned out or completely involved in Scientology by the time you're thirty. But you can always hide out with me and my mom and dad. Seriously, you have to live your own life, Nicky. That's just the way it is. We're here on this planet for too short a time to be pawns for our 'rents. Life's too freakin short! Sure, they want the best for you – they're your parents, but they can't live vicariously through you. It's not right and it will never work. Anyway, I kinda get it now and I'll back off."

They were in the big parking lot tromping across the asphalt towards section C and Nick's super-hot, red Mustang. After a few silent minutes, Noah jumped ahead of Nick, spun around and stuck his ring finger into Nick's hard chest, making both of them stop dead in their tracks. "But hear this right now, out fucking loud: I don't ever want you to pay my way like I'm some freakin' pussy. I have my own money and I work hard for it. In case you forgot, I got me a bad-ass ol' dick that works just fine, thank you very much! We're boyfriends and we're equal in this, I'm not your bitch. My dick works just the same as yours does and you seemed to love it. So don't you ever treat me like a pussy-girl. Got it?"

"Yes, Sir!" Nick yelled, chuckling a little bit and glad that the other subject had changed. He could deal with this, but not the other one right now. Plus, Noah was cute when he got pissed like this. "I was just trying to be nice. But you're right. We're two guys and we can pay our own way. I'm just not used to this new set of rules. Can I at least open the door for you?"

"Maybe. But you have to run around the car three times first while at the same time rubbing your head and patting your stomach and yell out to the universe that 'Noah's the Best Boyfriend Ever!'"

"Oh my god! Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously."

"Okay, I deserve it. It's a good thing I parked a long ways away from everybody."

"You're just lucky I didn't make you do this in the high school lot."

"No shit!"

They reached the car a few moments later, and true to his word, Nick set his sandwiches on the trunk, looked around to make sure no one was around or looking at them, and then took off running around the car, patting his head and yelling out how Noah was the best boyfriend ever. Noah, for his part, was bent over and cracking up. He really liked Nick, warts and all, and hoped that this would turn out to be a good relationship with his hot jock. After two laps, Nick stopped.

"Hey, I said three times."

"I know, but I'm going the extra mile, or the winner's mile as coach calls it, on the last lap. Nick took one more look around, unzipped and pulled his dick out of his fly and took his final lap jacking his dick instead of rubbing his stomach.

"Oh my god, you're gonna get us arrested," Noah laughed. He secretly loved the gesture, though.

Once zipped up, Nick clicked the alarm off, let Noah in the car and shut the door, he then went around and climbed in his side, and asked, "Wanna eat here or go find someplace else?"

"This is good. It's dark, quiet, and calm enough that we can see those stars you promised me."

"Awesome. Let's eat! I'm starving."

"Do you really eat three six-inchers all the time?" Noah asked the jock, while he fiddled around with the stereo to find some smooth sounds. After clicking back and forth from the radio, the CD's and the Ipod, and playing Skrillix for a second, he finally settled on a Frank Ocean tune. It was better than nothing. Sorta sexy. "That's like freakin' eighteen inches! That's more meat than Val's packing between his legs."

"Well, now that you put it that way, maybe not. But yeah, usually." He took a break from shoving one of his sandwiches down his throat to open up the sunroof. "Actually, I can always eat at least four of them but I didn't want to look like a slobbering pig. That's why I didn't get any chips. The only thing I've had all day was that killer breakfast your Pops made for us. And remember, even though I had thirds, we train all the time and we burn up energy like crazy. That's why I'm so hungry all the time. You should see the size of my turds. You'd be amazed."

"I'm sure I wouldn't. TMI, dude, TMI. Maybe you should bronze them and sell them as dildos. Seriously, thanks for the offer, but I'll pass on inspecting your dumps. So much for your romantic nature. Somehow I don't picture you suggesting to some girl that you go eat in the car under the stars and talk about your turds." Noah just rolled his eyes and shook his head. He was thinking Nick was hopeless. But he still liked him. Tons. "Maybe you could frame them, you know, for prosperity's sake. King might want to buy them and show them in his gallery. Like cutting-edge art or something."

"Hey, you're the one that just gave me the big lecture on treating you like one of my guy friends and not my bitch. So it's your fault really." Nick smiled while Noah gave him a pouty face.

"Hmm. Touche Nicolito."

Getting serious, Nick looked Noah in the eyes and said, "Umm, you know Woody, straight up, this is really nice. Today has been awesome," Nick broke the gaze and in a little embarrassment shoved a couple inches of cheese steak into his mouth. Sauce dribbled down his chin.

"I know. I really like being with you," Noah said shyly. "Crazy-shit baggage and all. You're dripping. Let me get that for you." Noah leaned over and licked the steak juices off Nick's chin. "Mmm, tasty."

"Thanks. I think you're gonna mold me into a better man."

"You wish too much. Just make it happen. Don't let anyone mold you into anything. You're not Play-dough. You decide what and who you are and then just be it. Hey, look up there! You can still see Orion's Belt." Noah said, pointing up through the sun roof. "See those three bright stars? I always look for those three stars. My dad showed them to me when I was really little. Sometimes I can't find them though."

"You're right. They call those the 'Three Kings' in Europe," Nick said.

"Ooh, I'm impressed. Star trivia. That's the big dipper over there. Those are the only two I know. I need to learn a third one. I like things to be in threes."

"Really? Okay, see the four stars to the north of Orion that kind of look like a kite and then the stars that zigzag out from it is the kite's tail? That's Draco or the dragon. The one that looks like a house or home plate next to it, that's Cepheus. Do you know how to find the North Star by using the Big Dipper?"

"No, how?" Noah was surprised by Nick's knowledge of astronomy.

"See the cup part of the dipper?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, look at the star that makes the bottom front corner of the cup and then trace up to the star that makes the top front tip of the cup part and then keep going in a straight line about 1 ½ times that same distance and that really bright star you come to is Polaris, the North Star. What's cool about the North Star is that all the constellations rotate around it, but it never moves. It's constant and you can always count on it being there. In a few weeks, Orion will rotate out of our view behind the horizon, but the North Star is always where it belongs. Cool, huh?"

"Nicky, you just keep surprising me. How do you know this stuff?"

"Well don't go spreading it around, but I was a boy scout up 'til eighth grade. Then I started getting teased about it and quit. I wish I'd stuck with it and got my Eagle badge. Oh well."

"See. That's what I mean. You can't let others mold you. Just be who you are and what you want to be. Fuck the haters. So where's the Little Dipper? I can never find that."

"Oh, it's easy, the little dipper's right here." Nick reached over grabbed a handful of Noah's crotch and said, "I got it." Noah giggled and pushed his hand away.

"No, seriously you sexy freak. Where's the Little Dipper?"

"Okay, see Draco's tail? The Little Dipper is like upside down in the first bend of the tail."

"Oh!" Noah squealed. "I see it! There should be a third dipper. All good things come in threes."

"What's with you and threes tonight? You made me run three times around the car. You wanted to know a third constellation and now you say all good things come in threes."

"Yeah, that's right. That's what I'm saying. Remember when you romantically said 'Just you and me and the sky?' That's a cluster fuck of threes."

"That would be four or more."

"What would?" Noah asked.

"A cluster fuck is four or more."

"Figures you'd know that. I'm not even going to ask how you know that. Three cheers for you for knowing it, though."

"Dude, stop doing that," Nick laughed. "Enough with the three stuff."

"Stop doing what? Seriously, lot's of things come in threes. Like for instance, Fanny, Flo and Jacky."

"Who's that?"

"The Pep Girls. They were married to the Pep Boys, Manny, Mo and Jack." Noah said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Oh my god. You are so whack. This evening is turning into a three ring circus and you're the freakin' clown."

"See, now you got the spirit of the threes. I'm gonna find Three Dog Night on my Ipod and sing Jeremiah was a Bullfrog. And you know how bad I sing."

"I do know, I've suffered through it already. And who's Three Dog Night? You already sing like a bullfrog so that's a good choice of songs. I think Dane spiked your Coke with something."

"Three Dog Night's an old band my dad likes." How about I sing Three Little Birds by Bob Marley?

"Are you trying to make me barf up my sandwiches? Seriously, that was a terrible song to begin with, and if you sing it, I'll, I'll, I'll…"

"What? You don' lawk mah singin', mon?" Noah said in a really bad Jamaican accent and looked over at Nick, who was trying not to laugh. "Don' worry 'bout a ting, cause everyting's gonna be all right," Noah wailed and bopped to the beat in his seat.

"Stop. If you keep this up, I'll have to become a Monk, like in Nacho Libre. I"ll take those Monastic vows. You know: poverty, obedience and…and…" He couldn't take it anymore and started busting up laughing.

Noah was giggling and added in his bad Marley impersonation, "An' chastity. Mon, you doin' dat would be lawk me becoming da Pope, mon, in dat beeg ass dress wit da gold chains an' rings." The thought of that set the boys off again.

After they settled down, Nick said with a grin, "Three pointer."

"Please, not again."

"Dude, I hafta have the last word. Haven't you figured that out about me yet?"

"Then bring it, boy-toy. Three holes in a bowling ball," Noah said quickly.

"That's the best you got? How about a Triathlon?"

"Too easy. Three minutes in a boxing round."

"Good one, Woody. How'd you know that? Umm, paper, rock, scissors," Nick laughed.

"That's not a sport! Three legged race."

"Three strikes and you're out."

"Awesome, Nicky. Three goal hat trick."

"Not bad. Three minute egg."

"That's definitely not a sport."

"It is for me. You've never seen me cook."

"Let's see," Noah said, sitting back and thinking. "I got one: The Triple Crown in horseracing. How's that?"

"Not bad, not bad. The Three Stooges. That was too easy since I'm sitting next to one."

"Smart ass. Menage a Trois. There, take that." Noah smiled proudly.

"What the fuck's that mean?" Nick asked.

"It's French for a threesome." Noah explained

"There you go again. Get your mind out of the gutter," Noah laughed, and then punched Nick in the arm. "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe."

"Awesome. Alvin, Simon and Theodore."

"Three Blind Mice."

"Snap, Crackle and Pop."

"Ahh," Noah paused, looked up through the sun roof and said, "Three Kings in Orion's belt."

"Okay, I've got another one," Nick said, after he stopped giggling. He looked at Noah deeply into his eyes and smiled tenderly, "You, me and the night sky." Nick leaned in and Noah met him halfway. They brushed lips, then brushed them again. Then Nick slipped a hand behind Noah's neck and pulled him into a deep passionate kiss. That led to a solid ten minute make out session that got them both boned up and horny.

"It's getting late. We should get going," Nick finally said.

"Yeah, I guess. Our rents will start wondering where we are."

"Well, yours will. Mine probably don't even know I'm gone."

Noah looked at Nick' s obvious sadness when he said that and felt compassion for him, but counted his blessings for having caring parents.

"Speaking of that, I wonder why we haven't heard from Val or Tyne?"

"Let's go by their houses before you drop me off to get my car, okay?"

"Yeah. I hope they're all right."

"Me too." They shared not one, not two, but three more kisses and then Nick started the Mustang and they pulled away. As they did, both of them got a text message one right after the other.

---

Tyne smiled at his big friend, leaned down and kissed him on the lips. "I'm glad you woke up. I was so scared that I … that I got you killed or turned into a vegetable."

"You got me killed? How is this your fault?"

"I brought the wine. I insisted we go home when you knew it was a bad idea. I made it so we left our clothes by the hot spring so you had to go get them. I talked you into not leaving right away and then it got dark."

"Oh. That's all true, I guess. You talked me back into it."

"Into what?"

"Hanging you by your balls from a tree, covered in honey." Val smiled his big ass grin, put a hand on Tyne's arm and gave him a little directional nudge. "Now go get me some drugs." Tyne turned and disappeared through the ER curtain. He found the friendly, young Asian nurse who had been checking on Val's condition and told her that he had just woken up but had a massive headache and wanted some drugs for it.

The nurse perked up and set her clipboard down and scurried over to Val's cubicle with Tyne in tow. "Well, sleeping beauty woke up. This is good news. Tell me about how you're feeling?"

"I feel like he looks." Val grinned and lifted his hand to point toward Tyne. Tyne was completely taken aback by the comment. The nurse glanced over at Tyne and smiled with Val.

"That bad, huh?" she said. She gave Tyne a small wink and a smile.

"Oh sure. Pick on the little guy. Next time you drive your truck into a river, you can just find someone else to drag your sorry ass out of the water." Tyne walked over to the opposite side of the bed and peered into the small mirror mounted above the small hand washing sink. "Oh my God! I do look awful." His beautiful, long blond hair was filthy, matted and poking in all directions. There was dried blood on his cheek and down his neck, presumably Val's blood since he didn't see any cuts on his own face. There was a dirty black smudge on his chin. Having been seen like this bothered Tyne a lot. His appearance was very important to him.

"You can wash up in that sink right there," the nurse offered, sensing his discomfort. "But first I need you to step out for a minute while I fully examine Val. I need to check his private areas."

The idea of going outside the curtains looking like he did, caused him to grimace. Val spoke up and said, "It's okay with me if he stays. He's seen me naked before."

"Oh that's right. The two of you were delivered to us naked, weren't you? I heard the rescuers said you two cuddled up in a blanket together, naked."

"To stay WARM!" Tyne blurted out. "It was a matter of survival." Tyne felt his cheeks flush. They were naturally rosy anyway so when he blushed, it looked like he stuffed a couple of taillights in his cheeks.

"Mmm-hmm! I'm sure it was." The nurse teased and added emphasis to the second 'mm' to imply condescending doubt. She spread Val's eyelids wide open and peered at his eyes with a small flashlight.

Val grinned, pleased at having an ally to tease Tyne with and said, "Hey I don't know what happened, I was unconscious. People sometimes go to extremes to get me naked, but this one tops them all."

"I'm not surprised by that. You are a fine piece of architecture. Luckily, I don't need an excuse to get you naked." She smiled and winked as she lifted Val's bandage on his head wound, after she replaced the penlight back in her scrub's saggy pocket.

"Oh. You big shit. I should have just left you for the bears to snack on." Tyne placed both hands on his hips and scowled.

The nurse finished peering at Val's wound and folded back the bandage over it. She took the sheet and drew it down off Val's body and pulled the pale blue hospital gown up to his neck exposing his athletic body. Tyne was surprised to see plastic tubing emerging from Val's piss slit and taped to his upper thigh. He was startled by a sudden yellow stream as it flowed into view and traveled through the tubing over his leg and down to the half full bag hanging on the bed railing. Tyne wondered how a tube that big could get up inside there and it made him shudder and mutter "Eww. Does that hurt?"

"What?" Val asked, lifting his head to peer at what Tyne was talking about. "Holy crap, is that thing going up inside my dick?"

"I'm afraid so, all the way up to your bladder. Fortunately, there are no nerve endings along the urethra so you don't feel it inside of you. The only discomfort is when it is inserted or if it gets inflamed here at the point of entry." She lifted Val's dick in her gloved hand and inspected it closely. Pinching the flesh around the broad tip, she asked, "Do you feel any discomfort?"

"No." Val answered.

"Good. It looks fine to me." She began rolling his testicles in her other hand while she held his thick penis up out of the way, asking if he felt any pain there. Tyne's own dick started to pudge up from watching her touch and handle the objects of Tyne's personal desire. He quickly focused his conscious attention toward controlling the involuntary reaction and managed to coax it back down.

The nurse draped Val's large dick back over his thigh beside his balls and helped him lift his hips enough to retrieve the bed pan they had him sitting on in case he'd had an involuntary release while he was unconscious. "Oh, thank you. That feels much better," Val crooned.

 "No doubt. If you need it again, just call for me by pushing this button." She pulled the gown over him and the sheet back up and then lifted the sheet off his feet, pulled off his footie's and checked his toes. "Tell me if this hurts at all," the nurse asked as she pressed the point of a pin into Val's arms, and then his feet. Each time, Val flinched and jerked away. "Your pain receptors and reflexes seem fine. I'll go find the doctor now and see what kind of help I can get you for the head pain." She covered his feet back up and left.

"What's up with making it sound like I date raped you in front of the nurse?"

"Well, you did get me drunk and then got me naked after all. At least that's what you tell me."

"Excuse me? Who got who naked? I seem to remember that part being YOUR idea. I didn't want to, remember?" Tyne sounded more bothered about all this than he really was.

"Geez, chill out. We were just teasing you. I know you didn't intentionally do anything to me."

"Just watch out who you're saying this stuff to. You can't say anything about the wine in front of my mom. And I don't think you should be talking about getting naked in front of your parents."

"Don't worry. I didn't hit my head that hard. I know I'm dumb, but I'm not that stupid." Suddenly, Val grabbed the plastic tub sitting on his tray and rolled into it as he vomited. He continued to vomit well past having anything left to purge. Watching it brought dampness to Tyne's eyes. Tyne took a washcloth from the tray above the small washbasin and dampened it with cool water. He folded it in thirds and moved over to Val's bedside. He pressed the cool, damp cloth on Val's forehead. He wasn't sure what that was really supposed to do, but it was something his mother always did for him whenever he was throwing up. What it did for Val was to show him the amount of caring compassion Tyne had for him.

When Val was finally done, Tyne took the plastic bucket and set it aside. Tyne took the cloth from Val's forehead and used it to gently wipe the dribbles of bile from his chin and gown. Val groaned as he collapsed onto his pillow, dropping his arms to his sides, eyes closed and breathing heavily.

Tyne rinsed the cloth out in the basin and then washed his hands, face and splashed water through his hair. Tyne molded his hair into an acceptable look by dragging his fingers through his dirty locks. He peered into the mirror and deemed it acceptable. He felt better.

The nurse walked in and Tyne explained about the vomiting. Val was moaning but confirmed to the nurse that the nausea, though still there, was a little better. He complained about the headache being much worse. "I have something for that," she said. The nurse injected a syringe full of a clear liquid into the IV drip that was plugged into Val's arm. "Your parents have arrived and are signing papers now to admit you and move you up to a regular room."

"How long do I have to stay?" Val asked without opening his eyes.

"That depends on how things develop. You have some brain swelling and we need to monitor that for a couple of days for sure. It's not uncommon for you to feel fairly well when you first wake up and then have it get worse. You're young and strong and that will help you. Exactly how long you need to stay, though, will depend on whether it improves or worsens in the next forty-eight hours. Your doctor will explain all of that."

Just then, Val's mother burst through the curtain. As soon as she saw Val lying there with the bandage around his head, she let out a small gasp that she stifled with her hand. Taking just a moment to compose herself, she approached the bed and took Val's hand. "Val, it's Mom. Can you hear me?"

Val opened one eye and peered at his mother. He smiled wanly and closed his eye. "Hi Mom. I'm sorry that I worried you. I'll be all right." Mrs. Hardcastle's emotions broke and she started to cry as her worst fears were relieved.

"The word we had was that you rolled your truck and that you were in a coma. I didn't know what to expect. My poor Vally, I was so afraid. Thank God you're awake and doing better." She pressed Val's hand to her cheek and held it there. "Are you in pain?"

"My head hurts really bad and my neck's stiff, but that's about all." Right then, two orderlies came in with a transfer bed and moved Val onto it. They wheeled him out as Mrs. Hardcastle turned to talk with Tyne.

"How are you doing, Tyne?"

"I'm okay. They just checked me for frostbite and exposure, but I don't have any problems. I'm just worried about Val."

"I'm sure. So tell me what happened up there." They began walking out of the ER and toward the long corridor to the main hospital. Tyne swallowed hard and started with the trip up to the lake and the washed out part of the road. He spoke of the fishing and how Val couldn't catch any, leaving out the gay fish theory. Then he told about the picnic lunch, leaving out the wine. He wasn't sure if the parents would eventually find out about the wine from the police or the medical people or not, so he took the chance that they wouldn't find out. Tyne explained that Val wanted to hike upstream to find some other fishing holes and along the way they found a natural hot spring.

They met up with Val's father and Tyne's mother who scooped Tyne into her arms and squeezed so tight, he thought she was going to break his ribs. "Oh Junior, my baby, I was so worried about you. Are you all right? I knew I shouldn't have let you go without adult supervision. If I lost you, I don't know what I would do."

"Mom, I'm fine. It's only Val who got injured." Of course, she wanted to hear the full story too, so Tyne started over. When Tyne mentioned the picnic lunch, Mr. Hardcastle interrupted him.

"Tyne, tell me the truth now, were you boys drinking up there?" There it was, a straight up question. There were only two choices, a flat out lie that could easily get discovered or the truth. After enough time to make it obvious what the answer was, Tyne had to admit it.

"Yes sir. I'm sorry. I brought a bottle of wine and we drank it during lunch." Tyne hung his head and stared at his hospital booties. His mother glanced at the Hardcastle's. She wasn't shocked since she'd allowed Tyne a little wine at dinner sometimes. She was worried about Val's parents' reaction, however. Mr. Hardcastle's reaction surprised everyone.

"Wine? What kind of fruity ass thing is that to be drinking up in the mountains fishing? No beer? Just wine? Why in God's name would two teenage boys be out drinking wine in the woods?"

"It's just what my friend got for me from the market he works at." That seemed to satisfy Mr. Hardcastle for the time being. They had reached Val's room and since no one was there to stop them, they all walked in. That helped to distract everyone away from the alcohol revelation. Val seemed to be resting peacefully so after his mom and dad walked over and peered at him with troubled looks, they asked Tyne to go on with his story.

Tyne quickly continued but when he reached the part of the hot spring again, he hesitated. He didn't know if he should say they got in it or not but finally decided he should since it would probably come out anyway. Tyne explained that they decided to get in the hot spring, emphasizing that it was Val's idea. He explained that they had gotten wet in the creek and were a little cold and were hoping the clothes would dry in the afternoon sun, Mr. Hardcastle lowered his brow a bit causing Tyne discomfort. Tyne looked at his mother and said "We got distracted and didn't notice the changing weather. Suddenly we were shocked by the sound of thunder and flashes of lightning. Val said we had to get out of the water. I didn't know that lightning would strike water and fry you, but Val knows that kind of stuff."

"Oh dear, oh dear," Mrs. von Tyne muttered.

"So we got under these trees to protect us from the rain and it was cold but then it started to hail and that was really bad. It stung. Val huddled over me to help protect me from the hailstones. He said I was starting to get something called hyperthermia. I was shaking uncontrollably."

"Its hypothermia," Mrs. von Tyne corrected.

"Okay, whatever. Anyway, we just hurried back to the truck because Val was worried about me and that's when Val realized he'd left his keys in his pants pocket. He just took a rock and broke the back window to the truck to break in and so we could get me wrapped up in the blanket. After he got us in, he was going to go back to get the clothes and the keys but I talked him into staying a while because he was so cold himself. He decided that was a good idea to warm up so he got in the blanket to warm up before going for the keys."

"Hold on. He got in a different blanket or the same one as you?"

"Same one. We only had one. He said our body heat would help us warm each other up faster and it did."

"Are you saying you and my Val got drunk on wine, found a hot spring and sat naked in it together, then huddled naked under a tree during a hailstorm, walked buck naked back to camp, broke into the truck and snuggled together naked in a blanket? HOLY SHIT!" Mr. Hardcastle's voice got higher and higher pitched as he ranted. Mrs. von Tyne realized what had probably been going on since she knew Tyne's gay proclivity. She also sensed Mr. Hardcastle's rising anger and she inched forward, wedging herself in front of Mrs. Hardcastle who was just staring, dumbstruck in awe. Mrs. von Tyne was poised to jump in between Tyne and Mr. Hardcastle like a mother hen protecting her baby chick from the homophobic wolf if she needed to. The tension in the air was as thick as an Eskimo teenager's cum in the morning.

"Dad," Val slurred and groaned while he lifted his head to look at everyone in the room through one eye. "Stop it. It wasn't like that. I just did what you taught me. Remember when I was eleven and we were snowmobiling? I got off the trail and got stuck. It was an hour before you found me and I was freezing cold. You took me back to camp behind you and had me get naked and crawl in the sleeping bag with you to warm me up."

"But I wasn't naked!" Mr. Hardcastle indignantly clarified.

"I know, but Tyne and I were both freezing. You weren't. It just made sense to do it that way. Stop being all dirty minded. That's sick." Val closed his eye and dropped his head back on his pillow. Tyne had no idea he was coherent but he was thankful he was. It really deflated Mr. Hardcastle, who actually apologized. Tyne's mom visibly relaxed and blew out a sigh of relief.

Tyne continued. "We fell asleep and when we woke, it was getting dark. The sun was behind the trees and clouds. Val was warmed up so he put on a sweatshirt that he found in his bag and headed out to get the keys. On his way, he came across a black bear and he had to like, stare it down. Luckily, it decided to leave and once Val was sure it was gone, he went on to get the keys, but that delayed him a long time."

"What? A bear? Oh my God, Val," his mom cried. "You could be dead now!"

"Luckily, Dad taught me what to do about that too. And it worked," Val mumbled without opening his eye this time. Mr. Hardcastle got a proud papa smile and hefted his britches a bit.

"Well, once he got the keys, we took off and got out of there. Val wasn't sure we should try to go in the dark, but I kind of insisted because I knew mom would be worried about me. When we got to the bad part of the road, we slid in the mud and then the truck rolled over the edge and landed upside down in the stream. Val was unconscious and I had to rescue him and pull him out of the truck. He almost floated away and I had to swim downstream to get to him. I finally dragged him to shore, then went back to the truck for the blanket that was luckily wedged between the seat and the door and stayed dry. After what seemed like forever, I heard the rescue trucks and that's how it all happened."

The adults were all shaking their heads in shock and awe. They peppered Tyne with a number of questions until the doctor showed up. He examined Val again from head to toe, doing the light in the eyes thing and poking him with a pin. Val joked he was starting to feel like a human voodoo doll. When the doctor poked his foot for the last time, Val joked, "Hey Tyne, are you feeling that?" It was good to see he hadn't lost his sense of humor.

The doctor asked a few questions about what had happened and how long Val had been unconscious. Tyne was most equipped to answer them and the doctor asked a few more questions directed at Tyne.

"We'll have a specialist look at his scans when he comes in later. We will be sending him up for another scan. From the apparent worsening of his condition, which is normal by the way," the young doctor clarified, "I think we need to do another scan and see if there is additional brain swelling or blood pooling between the dura mater and the skull. There is a lining between the brain and the skull, called the dura, and there are a lot of small blood vessels between them. With head contusions such as this, these vessels often bleed and put pressure on the brain."

"What happens if there is bleeding?" Val's mom asked in a worried voice.

"Well, probably nothing but careful observation. If it's severe, surgery could be necessary to drain the blood and relieve the pressure." Val's mom gave a little gasp. The doctor put his hand on her shoulder, "Don't fret, it's unlikely it's that severe. He is young and strong and quite coherent. I do need to ask however, since I saw evidence of another head injury that seems relatively fresh. Has he had another injury recently?"

"Yeah, he cracked his head hard on the basketball floor at the last high school game. He got fouled and went down hard," Val's father jumped in. "He shook it off though and kept playing."

"It actually happened twice and he was complaining to me of a bad headache ever since then. Plus, he banged his head hard on a tree branch up at the lake too," Tyne added.

"That's a negative. There is something called SIS or secondary injury syndrome. Sometimes athletes, especially football players and boxers will sustain a head injury that seems relatively mild but results in instant death because the brain was already damaged from a prior injury. The cumulative trauma of multiple injuries slows recovery and increases the chances of brain damage."

"Great," Val said, turning his head toward the group. "I was already stupid, now I'll be a complete retard."

Tyne flashed with his quick temper and in a much too stern voice for addressing a hospital patient said, "Stop saying that! I told you to never say that again. You're not stupid, you learn differently. You're very smart. You were smart enough to learn from your dad how to keep us alive out there at the lake."

Everyone turned and looked at Tyne, who flushed redder than usual. "Thank you, Tyne," Mrs. Hardcastle said and gave him a little hug. "I've been trying to tell him that for years."

In his infinitely subtle way, Mr. Hardcastle asked, "So doc, what are we talking about here? Is he gonna be able to feed himself and wipe his own ass or what?" The doctor cleared his throat, scowled at Val's old man and glanced toward Val.

"I doubt he'll have any trouble like that. He's already exhibiting good motor skills. But having said that, I've never seen any head trauma patient not lose something. Sometimes it's minor and has little effect. My uncle was clubbed in the head with a baseball bat in a bar fight. He ended up losing his taste and interest in alcohol. So that was a win instead of a loss, actually. Turned his life around and saved his marriage."

"I know already what I've lost." Everyone focused their attention on Val, especially the doctor.

"You do? What?" the doctor asked.

"Lawn mowing ability. I've been laying here trying and trying to remember how it's done and I just can't figure it out. Oh and dish washing. I definitely lost the ability to do that. And one more thing, bathroom cleaning. I'm not sure which end of the toilet brush I should hold. It's just all gone." Val smiled.

"Well," Tyne began smiling, "at least we know it hasn't affected his lame sense of humor." Everyone laughed along and the doctor suggested that everyone leave and let him rest. He was about to order some drugs that would fight inflammation but also make him very drowsy.

The group exited and Tyne's mom asked him to find the nurse with his clothes so she could take him home. "Mom, I told you I arrived naked. I need you to find me some."

"Oh dear, that's right. Where can I get clothes at this hour on a Sunday morning? You might just have to go home in the hospital PJ's."

Tyne immediately flinched. "What the hell, I've been pelted by hail, nearly got hypothermia, dunked in a stream, picked up naked by Search and Rescue, had my bare ass videotaped by a news crew, been poked and prodded in all my private areas by numerous medical types, so I've pretty much written off any degree of dignity left for this day. Wearing these ugly pajamas home is no big deal, I guess."

"What's that about a news crew?" his mother asked.

"Oh, when we got out of the canyon, there was one of those ambulance chasing news crews there and they interviewed me then when I got in the ambulance, I had to drop my blanket and they taped me climbing in naked. Jerks. Hopefully, it was a boring enough interview that they won't show it."

"I hope so. I don't want to have to sue their asses. I already signed you out down in the ER but if you're leaving in the hospital PJ's I'm sure you'll have to ride out in a wheelchair." Then turning to Mrs. Hardcastle, Tyne's mom asked, "Can I speak to you briefly alone?" The two women walked down the hall toward the nurse's station.

That left Tyne and Mr. Hardcastle standing just outside Val's room in awkward silence. Mrs. Hardcastle kept stealing glances at Tyne and that made him uncomfortable. Abruptly, Mr. Hardcastle broke the silence, "So how come you took wine up fishing instead of beer?" He was scratching the stubble under his chin as he asked it.

"Well, only because that's what my friend got from the store he works at, Whole Foods."

"Oh, that explains it. That fruity place prob'ly don't even have beer." Tyne was relieved that the wine issue seemed resolved for Val's old man. But then he asked another question. "So what'd you do, drink out of the same bottle like a couple of wino's?"

"Umm, no. I brought …" Tyne paused and realized there was no way in hell he could say he brought wine glasses, "… paper cups."

"Ahh, smart." With that, he fell into silence.

Tyne, against his better sense, couldn't resist and said, "So I guess we have something in common that I bet no one else in the whole world can say."

Mr. Hardcastle looked puzzled and gave the "go on" gesture.

"We both shared a bedroll with Val naked." Tyne fought off a smile.

"I was NOT naked. I only had to take Val's clothes off because they were all wet. I told you that already."

"Oh yeah, I wasn't implying anything. I was just saying it's an odd thing we share. Val sure does have a big …" Tyne paused for effect and watched Mr. Hardcastle's eyes widen and his neck start to bulge, "… pair of feet. They kept poking out of the bottom of the blanket."

Val's dad snorted. Then he snorted again. He broke out in a full-fledged belly laugh and a passing nurse scowled at him. He stifled his laughter with one hand while he slapped his thigh with the other. He reached out and gave Tyne a small shove and said, "Kid, you're a hoot. No wonder Val likes you." Tyne just smiled wryly at him.

"So, umm, did the two of you, umm …,"

"Rub against each other?" Tyne filled in the blank.

"Yeah. Did you?"

Tyne wondered what would happen if he said they weren't in the mood since they'd already shared Val's dick like a giant Popsicle earlier in the hot spring. He decided that would be a bad idea and just said, "Oh no. It was a big blanket. That would be sort of gay, don't you think?"

"Oh. Well that's good it was a big one." Tyne stifled a laugh of his own as the moms returned.

"Okay, all set. I verified that you can keep these Gucci pajamas and we've swapped cell phone numbers. Polly will let us know what the specialist says. Now let's get you home and put you to bed. Get in the wheelchair."

"Good-bye Mr. and Mrs. Hardcastle," Tyne said, shaking their hands. "I'm sure Val will be okay. I'm sorry this all happened."

"It ain't your fault, son. Shit happens sometimes," Val's dad said.

Mrs. Hardcastle didn't speak, she just held Tyne's hand uncomfortably long and sliding apart slowly with an odd look on her face. When they released hands, Mrs. Hardcastle took her own hand and gently rubbed it. Tyne and his mom peeled away, Tyne reluctantly slipped into the wheelchair and they headed to the car. On the way, Tyne asked his mother, "Mom, what did you and Val's mom talk about?"

"Nothing. Just girl talk and traded numbers." Tyne knew she was evading the question, but he dropped it.

Mrs. von Tyne drove carefully down the exit ramp in the parking structure and eased into traffic at the exit. "So what kind of things did the news reporter ask you?"

Tyne didn't answer. His head was slumped against the passenger window and he was breathing deeply in a sound sleep.

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