Julien
by Engor
Chapter 78
Once again Julien was tired out, but at least this time he had the satisfaction of knowing that he had finally mastered – more or less – the techniques needed to access the Interworld while remaining in something approaching a normal universe. This time he'd managed it without Xarax's help, and Master Subadar had declared that he was as ready as he was ever going to be. Of course he needed a couple of days to recover and build up his strength, and then he would be ready for the actual operation.
He stood on the terrace on top of Bakhtar Tower and looked out over Aleth: the city glittered in the late afternoon sun. A lot of work had been needed to restore the terrace to its former glory following the damage caused by their catastrophic arrival at the end of the attack by the ghorrs, but it was almost complete now and they were polishing the blue agate flagstones By now Julien had reached the stage of considering this city his home: it was a place where life was good in spite of his worries and the burden of his responsibilities, and a place in which his parents were also beginning to settle and make plans for a new life for themselves, plans which did not depend upon the generosity of House Bakhtar or – more disturbingly – the will of their son.
Xarax was curled up on the parapet by his shoulder, and he looked exhausted, too: his usual bright colours had faded towards a dull grey, and Julien knew that it was time to replenish him with the energy he needed. But although Julien wanted to make sure that Xarax was properly cared for, the prospect of feeding him still didn't appeal to him at all, and he needed all his strength to even mention the subject. Perhaps the worst part of the whole business was that Xarax knew only too well how much the process hurt his friend, which was why Julien had to put his foot down each time and insist that Xarax take the energy he needed, despite the fact that he hated the barbarous ritual as much as the haptir did.
All the same, this didn't make him dislike his strange friend, especially since he could see the changes that his unusual quasi-symbiotic relationship with Dillik had brought about in him. He still occasionally spoke of himself in the third person, but not very often, and he had developed a dry sense of humour that certainly hadn't been there before. He'd also started to display a sort of gentle affection, which showed itself in the way he would jump up on to your shoulder or your lap, rather as if his scaly skin concealed a friendly cat. Or, to put it more simply, in a lot of ways the Haptir of Kretzlal seemed to have become almost human.
Julien left the terrace and made his way down to those levels which now housed, almost exclusively, the Imperial services. Occasionally he would pass a guard or a messenger in the corridors, and he never failed to offer a smile in response to their quiet salutes. As usual Xarax melted into their surroundings and flew ahead of him just to make sure that nothing unexpected was lying in wait for him, but all the same when he opened the door to his kang he got a surprise: Niil, who also looked as if he'd spent a few bad days, was waiting for him there. Julien's first impulse was to run and throw himself into Niil's arms, but he managed to restrain himself. Instead he just smiled and raised his eyebrows.
"I came so we could talk," said Niil, in reply to the unasked question. "Karik and Dillik came to see me, and I realised that we can't go on like this. They're waiting next door with Ambar, but I thought it would be better if we just spoke on our own to start with."
Julien collapsed into a chair – he was exhausted.
"Sorry," he said. "I'm shattered. Look, I'm really glad you came, because I think we both went a bit stupid last time we spoke."
Niil poured him a glass of raal and sat down too.
"I'm still mad at you, you know," he said. "I really don't understand how you could do that to me – and without warning me in advance, too."
"I don't understand it either," admitted Julien. "At the time it seemed to be the best thing to do: you were obviously the most worthy of succeeding your father – in fact there was absolutely no question about it. And I haven't changed my mind about that, either. But it's strange: a moment before I wasn't even thinking about it. I'd discussed it with Aldegard, Tahlil and even Tannder, and they'd all advised me to wait for a bit before making an official decision on who was to be the next First Lord. And I had no problem with that. But at the end of the meeting, when I got up to deliver my little prepared speech, I realised that it had to be you and nobody else. It just seemed blindingly obvious. And so I went ahead and did it. I can only ask you to try to forgive me. If it helps, I think Aldegard wanted to yell at me over it when I saw him just after you left. I don't think he liked me not following his advice. Tahlil, on the other hand... he seemed perfectly happy."
"What about me? Didn't you think I might not want the job?"
"Well, to be honest, no. I know that just seems ridiculous now, and I still can't understand why I didn't realise that it might make you unhappy. But that's what happened."
"But I still don't get it. I thought you were my friend. Is that the way you treat all your friends?"
"Niil, I am your friend. I wouldn't hesitate for one moment to offer my life if I thought it would save you. Anyway, I've been thinking about it a lot since that day. Yesterday I talked to Tannder about it..."
"And?"
"And he says that what I did was exactly what Yulmir would have done. He thinks that the way I can do some things, like using a klirk, without having to be taught how, indicates that I've inherited some of Yulmir's abilities. And apparently he was known for making immediate decisions, often against the advice of his councillors, and as far as anyone can say, every one of them worked out well for the Nine Worlds."
"Well, that makes your job easy, then: you can do and say whatever you want and nobody's going to argue with you."
"No, it isn't easy! It's not like deciding which flavour of sweetsnow you're going to eat: these are decisions that affect peoples' lives, and I have to bear the consequences. For instance, what I did to you made you really unhappy, and I might have lost my best friend."
"I thought Ambar was your best friend?"
"No, Ambar's something completely different. I'm not sure what he is, to be honest – I'm not sure there's a word for it, or if there is, I don't know what it is. You're my best friend – actually, you're probably my only real friend. There's nobody to compare with you, not even Ambar."
"I'm not jealous, you know."
"Really? I think everyone is capable of jealousy. And if I was in your shoes and I'd seen my brand new little brother suddenly looking up to a boy who had appeared out of nowhere, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have been happy about it, especially if that boy turns out to be the Emperor. But it's not like we're chasing the same boy, Niil: Ambar loves you. I can absolutely guarantee that. It's just that he loves you as a brother should. You're not going to hold that against him, I hope?"
The embarrassed look on Niil's face spoke volumes.
"My father has always told me," Julien went on, "that there's no harm in being jealous, just as long as you don't stay jealous. He says that once you let yourself get poisoned by jealousy or envy you can only see the bad side of everything He reminded me that sometimes I used to go off in a sulk and I'd stay that way even after I'd forgotten what I was sulking about, and he says that letting jealousy eat you up is like that, only worse. After a bit you stop seeing any way to turn things around and instead, somewhere deep inside, you just want things to get even worse. I think that's partly what happened to Nandak and Nekal – well, that and the fact that they were both as thick as pig-shit..."
"All right, that's enough," said Niil. "You've made your point. But it was still a dirty trick to play on me. You've got no idea what it's like, being a First Lord! It's like I'm a prisoner – there's an endless queue of people bringing me papers to sign, or wanting to ask for my advice. It's an unending heap of boring crap to deal with. And just to make it even more fun, three-quarters of the family are just waiting for me to cock it up. So far I haven't really got anything wrong, but sooner or later I will. And then..."
"Niil, if we can start talking to each other properly again I swear I'll find a way to help you. Right now I'm too knackered to think about it, but I have got one or two ideas and I've got some decent councillors to get advice from. So can we try?"
Niil said nothing.
"Look," said Julien, "I'm not asking you to jump into bed with me... well, not just yet, anyway. I'd just like us to stop hurting each other and making everyone else's life a misery."
"I'm starving," commented Niil instead of answering the question. "What time do we eat around here?"
Ambar managed not to throw himself at Julien or smother him with kisses. He was aware that the truce between Niil and Julien was fragile, and so he simply offered Julien a soft cheek, and Julien kissed it with equal restraint. But the slightly tense atmosphere became a little easier during the meal when Julien made an announcement.
"We've all got two days off," he told them. "By order of Master Subadar. Maybe even three days. Xarax and I have been working really hard, but we need a break."
"I'd noticed that Xarax looks a bit washed out," commented Dillik.
"I suppose all this work you're doing is to get ready for the operation on Djannak that Tannder told me about?" asked Niil.
"Well, yes – but let's not talk about work while we're eating. Anyway, Karik and Dillik have been given time off from their lessons, and I hope you will be too, Ambar, if that's all right with Niil. And now that you're here, Niil, I think you ought to award yourself a break too. You shouldn't let your councillors treat you like a slave."
"Tahlil won't be happy if I drag him away from his shipyard," commented Niil.
"His son – Tengtehal, wasn't it? - can fill in for him for a couple of days. If it's all right with you I'll get Aïn to make the arrangements. Of course, if you feel you have to rush straight back..."
"Well, no. I think I'd sooner put up with you."
"I suppose that's something. So perhaps we can start by having a nice lie-in tomorrow."
"You call that resting?!" exclaimed Karik.
The laughter that followed this comment dispelled most of the remaining tension. To be fair to Karik, most of the 'lie-ins' the boys had taken in the past had involved subjecting Karik to various erotic experiments, which were often extremely interesting, but which invariably left him feeling drained, in every sense of the word.
"Well, it's that or a grammar lesson," said Julien.
"I'll take the grammar lesson!" declared Karik.
"Then I propose that tomorrow we let this scaredy-cat sleep in peace. We'll just settle for a late breakfast."
It was really good to have Ambar's comforting presence beside him once more, but no matter how much Julien would have liked to prolong the moment, he was too tired to stay awake for very long.
He woke up before dawn, as he had programmed himself to do, and made his way quietly to Dillik's room, where Xarax was sleeping curled up against the boy's body. The haptir opened his eyes before Julien could touch him and they went together to the bathroom, where Julien had decided to carry out the dreaded but nonetheless essential task of restoring Xarax's reserves of energy. They both thought that there was no need for Dillik to witness this unfortunate aspect of his beloved haptir's life.
Once the preparations were complete and the bright vortex of the Yel had ceased invading his body Julien braced himself against the blinding pain which usually accompanied Xarax's bite into his jugular vein. But this time, although he felt the sharp prick of the teeth, the unbearable wave of pain failed to materialise. All that remained was the usual slightly nauseous feeling of being close to passing out, followed, as soon as he dropped the sponge he was holding, by the customary flood of excitement which caused his penis to become erect.
It worked! said Xarax inside his head. Xarax thought that the Neh-kyong was telling the truth, but I didn't want to tell you until I was completely sure!
It took a moment for Julien to start thinking clearly again and to realise what Xarax had just told him.
The Neh-kyong? What does Tchenn Ril have to do with anything?
He was the one who gave me this gift! He asked if I wanted anything from him. First I said that I was sure that I could never desire anything, but he insisted, and it seemed important to him. He asked if perhaps I had a wish, even if it was something that I thought he couldn't grant. Then Xarax said that he wished he could feed without causing you pain. And he said that if that was what I truly desired, he would do it. And he did!
But... how is that possible?
Xarax no longer has any venom!
But... did you know he was going to do that?
Of course Xarax knew. Every gift has its price. But the venom is not important.
But it leaves you unarmed!
Xarax still has his claws. And most people are so afraid when they see a haptir that they only want to run away. You may know that I have no venom, but my enemies will not.
Xarax, I don't know what to say, except thank you very much. But I still think you shouldn't have done it.
Xarax could not stand hurting you any longer. Now I must get back to Dillik's bed and have a nap. He likes me to be there when he wakes up.
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