As They Say
by D K Daniels
Entry 35
Pushing Boundaries
5th July 1991
Being a sincere man to my word, the first responsibility I began when I got up this morning was that I went out and fed the chickens. I haven't fulfilled the duty in over a month which is funny because if I don't seem to make an effort to do it. Dad automatically takes on the responsibility of whatever I'm supposed to be doing. Anyhow, I managed the obligation this morn. I possess no concept as to why I am writing it in here, although it seems like a proud accomplishment that I fulfilled without having to be instructed to do it.
On top of that after breakfast, I went to Eli's again, and sure enough, I caught up with Emma. At first, when I addressed her, she turned away and started racing back up the drive into the house. I did desperately try to keep up with her. No matter how hard I forced my legs to move faster. They wobbled and buckled like spaghetti. It wasn't the fact that I was apprehensive about approaching her; it was merely the hope of getting it over and done with.
When I tapped on the porch this time around Eli came to the door after she disappeared inside. I guess what we talked about yesterday was comforting because today he acted okay with me. Rather than turning me away, Eli welcomed me in. He was still only half dressed because it was early in the morning, and that didn't prevent me from stealing glances at him. I know it's wrong, considering we had only made up yesterday. I stated abundantly clear he wasn't in any danger of me trying to chase after him.
Funnily enough, only a day afterwards now I'm contemplating how good Eli looks with messy bed hair. Although leading on from that subject, the two of us sat down in Eli's little nook. Which is more of a family area, than Eli's personal space, though it was nice to be in it. A couple of beanbags distributed around an alcove, a bookshelf flat against one of the walls and a handful of other assortments. Most notably Lego, I never knew that Eli spent his time making Lego, at 13 you think he would've given that up. Besides, now it appears that he still has an interest in them. I'm pretty confident they are his because Eli has no younger brothers or sisters. Only Emma and well I don't perceive her at any time playing with toy building blocks, so it was amusing. Though while the two of us sat there; we discussed what Emma had done.
I slumped in one beanbag, and he sat across from me on the other. I confided in him that I did try to apologise and to please not be mad at me. I further denoted that I'd make another effort at earning an apology.
However, I don't have the slightest inkling as to how I'm going to do that. I hardly even understand myself, therefore, how am I supposed to grasp girls. On the contrary, however, if I simply bought her a nice bouquet of flowers or something like that, then it'd surely brighten up her day. Oh, wait, purchasing flowers would send the opposite message. Hmm, not to mention the fact that it might seem a little bit cheesy. Yeah no, I can't buy her that kind of merchandise. So I have a couple of days to think of what I should get her because it would be nice to have her about for Ross's birthday which is like super close and I'm like super nervous. However, I'll get to that in a minute.
Eventually, Eli got up off the beanbag after offering to pour us drinks. Sure enough, I said yes. When he disappeared, I was left to contemplate my choices of yesterday. The fact that Eli hasn't kicked me out of his house, more importantly, he invited me in and was sitting in a little alcove, which most of his friends rarely even get to see. Somehow I felt noble. I'm not sure why but yeah I felt important. It was fun just sitting there knowing that Eli knew the truth about me; it was equally as frightening as it was exciting. I'm still debating with myself whether I should've told him or whether I shouldn't have told him. The turn of events, however, I think that everything came out exceedingly well in the long run. I hope my continued efforts and his knowledge of my secret moves everything in the right direction. To what direction that is I have no clue, perhaps that is something I'll find along the way also.
I continued sitting there for a little while, and I was getting a little anxious waiting for him to return. Ultimately, I got up off the beanbag and slowly crept my way to the kitchen. In Eli's house, there are two staircases. The central staircase in the front hall, and a small side staircase that comes down to the back of the kitchen. Now I'm not saying that Eli's house is a mansion or anything, it's an average farmhouse it's just a little bit spacious. It is nothing like the Opera De Garnier; when it comes to ostentatious décor. Though when it comes to grandeur furnishings that award would have to go to Thomas's parents. As I was saying, I snuck all the way up to the kitchen door and peered through. Eli wasn't in the kitchen which I found funny because he said he was going to get drinks. When I scanned my eyes around the kitchen my eyes locked onto two glasses that were on the countertop that filled; Eli was nowhere in sight. It was at this point I grew a little bit sceptical, perhaps what he said yesterday was all a joke and I felt even more horrible for telling him the biggest secret of my life.
An audible mumble came from the back staircase, followed by a creek. Eli was talking to someone, "please Emma he's really sorry... just come down and hear what he has to say."
It warms my heart that Eli was trying to get his sister to open up her closed mind. I felt a tad bit of remorse seeped through my veins at the plausible idea that Eli had betrayed me. I need to stop the jumping to conclusions.
Emma whispered back in the confines of the stairwell, "he's a dick, I hope he never gets a girlfriend." It obviously meant that Eli hadn't told his sister that I was gay. So that meant he kept my secret like he said he would. Scurrying back to my place, I plopped down on the beanbag and awaited Eli's arrival. The second my ass hit the cushions, Eli's voice sang throughout the hallway.
"Hey, sorry it took so long; I had to go to the toilet."
Secretly on the sly, I knew however what he was up to. I didn't tell him that I was eavesdropping. It was nice to see that he was trying to mend things between us after nearly shooting me the other day. I let on that I knew nothing about her and his conversation. Eventually, the discussion that we were having led back onto Emma. At least he was honest with me, and he didn't hide it from me that he snuck off and that's why he was taking so long.
"Hey em… The reason I took so long with the drinks was that I went upstairs to try to get Emma to come down to talk to you. She seems to be in a bitchy mood though so I'm sorry I couldn't make that happen," Eli said.
I held onto the knowledge I gained during my stroll about, and it appears that Eli was hiding nothing from me. So perhaps I can trust him; maybe he can be someone to help me along the way. I wonder what it would be like if I came out to Carl or Connor. I'm confident that Thomas knows that I'm gay and well I don't think I need to say anything to Ross because it is evidently clear that he knows that I like him. And to second that opposition, I don't need to ask Ross because I know in my bones that he is the same way as me. It's a good feeling you know one of those defining moments that you don't need to ask questions about you know.
After the chitchat dwindled, I said my goodbyes and headed on my way. On the walk home, which might I add was longer than usual. The next time I go to Eli's house, I'm bringing my bike. Though as I was saying on the journey home, I felt good. I have no idea why I required to share my success with Ross. I assumed it was something that has never been drafted before.
So, when I got home, I went next door and knocked for Ross. When his grandmother opened the door, she said I had just missed him. She said that he had just left to visit me. And like that, I took off down the driveway as fast as my legs could carry me. It was like I had newfound energy and it all amounted because Ross was present in close quarters. I needed someone to share the moment with, and when I got into my driveway, Ross was coming descending it. His face lit up and God he was so cute. His chestnut brown hair was freshly washed, and his skin was glowing. His eyes were full of whimsical wonder; I think I love that stare. You know when Ross blinks his eyelashes are a little bit longer than most other boys I've ever noticed. I don't know if it's just him, but I like that feature. It makes him even prettier. Anyway, as I was saying, I came face-to-face with him, and I could feel this animated tingle in the air. Perhaps it was only me, although I'm pretty sure he had to. He gave me a sheepish grin when he caught on the way I was looking at him. Then Ross grinned and said, "what?"
"Nothing. You're just really pretty." For a moment I thought I said that in my brain. Apparently, it slipped out, and Ross heard it. For a moment I considered it was just all my head. Except when Ross turned a bashful red and just started giggling like a little schoolgirl, well… It didn't take me much after that the to begin blushing and giggling like a maniacal idiot.
Would you blame me? Ross is beautiful, and well I can't help but feel queasy every time the two of us cross eyes. It's a wrenching moment of which I never seem to know how to handle. I anticipate when the two of us brush eyes with each other it's like I want to stop drop and roll there on the spot. Like its the worse case of the feelies. It's not because I'm all goofy about it it's just because well… the tingling feeling in my stomach is like a load of butterflies swarming around inside a cocoon. The sensation is also what I'd assume when you taste a fizzy drink, and all the bubbles spew out over the lip of the glass or the plastic bottle that it is contained within. It's funny what Ross does to me. I can't quite explain how it happens other than these magical feelings all come alive at once when he's around.
I'm standing there dumbly. I'm unsure of what to do after publicly stating that I thought Ross was pretty. My selection of words was well... I guess you could say not the best. Isn't pretty something you'd say to a girl? I mean Ross is a boy, so maybe I should've thought of something a little bit manlier. Then again, he didn't seem to mind it, so I don't know why I am caring all that much of how it sounded.
Coincidentally Ross and I decided to head down toward the lake. We packed a little lunch. I was asking for money from my mam to buy stuff though however, she was reluctant to give me any money. She said, "we have plenty of food in the fridge Adam; I can make you sandwiches."
So, Ross went next door to try and bribe his grandmother into giving us money. It was so mischievous plan brought on by the two of us working against the adults. I believed for a minute that the two of us were outsmarting them, you know because we are young and naïve I guess you could say. Only our little plan didn't work out quite as well as we hoped because his grandmother didn't give us any offering when it came to currency. Instead, she gave us freshly baked cupcakes and so forth. Combine that with the sandwiches my mother made and the pastries Ross's grandmother made we had a picnic on our own.
The cycle to the lake was refreshing. We laid by the bank for a little bit. Though we didn't go swimming because we wanted nothing more other than to sunbath. If Ross wanted to get in the water, however, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I have no idea why everything seems so easy when it comes to him. All he has to do is ask, and I leap no matter how far or the obstacle. Generally, if anybody asked me even my mother, I'd be hesitant to comply. Of course, I'd still actually do it. Though not at the jump of a hat. As Ross and I sat on the shore, the two of us were dutifully giving each other little shifts and giggles. The isolation I think added to the atmosphere. It was like the two of us were completely alone in the world and whatever happened there on the bank would remain between the two of us.
I have to say I never thought I'd eat like a slob. His grandmother's pastries were delicious. I wouldn't mind her baking for the two of us again that is. Moreover, as I write about it, I can still taste the sweet savouring flavour of the strawberry, banana, icing that was used in the beatifical glamour of the vibrant coloured bakeries.
The sun beaming down on my crown was a welcomed sensation. And having Ross seated close to me was also another appreciated motion. At one point, Ross made a teasing remark about how clueless I seem to be on occasions. For some funny reason, I found it joyous. Not because he was making fun of me but because regardless of what he said it didn't seem to matter; it bounced off me like a bullet would bounce off titanium.
After some time, I leaned across and gave Ross a peak on the cheek. I hesitated for a moment and then went back for one on the mouth.
I may or may not have gotten a little handsy at the moment when I was kissing Ross. I recall vaguely placing my hand on his shoulder. It appears like an odd thing to do now; though I began rubbing his right shoulder as if I were comforting him. No idea why the scenario remains a mystery to me. After a bit, we stopped making out and talked about the situation between me and Eli, to which I came clean about the whole event. You should have seen the smile on Ross's face. It wasn't one of those smirks where he smiles for the sake of being beautiful. No, it was one of relief; a gentle diurnal one that suggested he was proud in some way or form.
Okay, I give. We ended up laying down on the grass smooching quite grossly. The area around my mouth was so wet that I had to dry it after we stopped kissing. The best part is that when he lay down to do the kissing. I ended up on the bottom and Ross and top of me. I got horny when he was kissing me. Today was the longest we have ever made out. The part I'm still overly nervous about was the fact that Ross and I started that grinding against each other again. Only this time he did it himself. I was too afraid to move; though I did cum prematurely, well when I got him I was damp down there. Thank god I didn't make it too obvious or leave a wet mark on the outside. That would have been embarrassing. So yep… I couldn't hold back. I was debating on trying to tell him to stop by asking him to do something else. Though before I could get the chance, it happened. I unsure if he knows; although he did give me a smirk ever so often throughout the rest of the evening after he had done that. I don't know if he came so I guess it was just a weird once off moment.
Anyway, it has been a long day. I should be off. I'm feeling a little skittish, so with that, I'll be going. I have to pull at you know what before bedtime. The scene is on replay in my head since I left Ross. - Night Adam.
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