Two Boys and the Pervert
by Cole Parker
Chapter 1
Young boys live in a different world than older children and adults. They don't understand the world around them with much sophistication and can fill in their misconceptions and alleviate their fears with imagination, creative conceptualization and mendacity. They're survivors in what is to them a mysterious environment and do their best to avoid unwanted consequences.
The following is a tribute to their natures. It is also a farce in that it exaggerates the extent they will go to avoid blame. If you don't enjoy farce or dark humor, please read something else and save yourself some aggravation. You've been warned.
Wherein we meet the boys and begin
"Hey, Geo, you're going to get us lost."
"No way, Eff. I know these woods like the back of my hand."
"But this isn't the way we usually come. I don't recognize anything. I'm completely lost!" Eff had stopped walking and was looking around and backwards. All he could see was trees and more trees.
"That's what makes this fun! Think of it as an adventure! You're in the wilds of Africa with gorillas and pygmies around behind every tree, waiting to pounce! It's getting late and your canteen is empty. You can hear leopards shrieking."
Eff looked even more unsettled, and Geo took pity. Not much; he wasn't built that way. So he kept up his teasing, just not quite as threateningly. He rarely had the upper hand in dealing with Eff, and he was enjoying it. "Okay, no gorillas. But I'm not lost. Not entirely at least. I've only gone this way once, but I think we're headed where I think we're supposed to be. Don't you think it's more exciting to go in a way where you're not really sure where you are? It makes it sort of, well, triumphant! I mean in the end, when we stumble out of the trees and are exactly where we were headed. Here we are, all lost, not sure of anything but a million trees around us, thinking we might have to spend the night and get eaten by a mountain lion or an enraged porcupine, and then, bam! There we are! Right where we were heading in the first place! See what I mean? Exciting!"
Eff wasn't an excitement seeker. He liked things steady and normal and under control. His best friend, Geo, was the opposite. He liked to do whatever caught his mind without a clue about what might happen. He went with his impulses. Sure, sometimes that got him in sticky situations, but so what? Not being sure of what was just ahead was what made it an adventure.
"What you said. About not being sure where we were. That was a metaphor, right?" Eff asked.
"What the hell's a metaphor? Damn it, Eff, I've told you and told you; don't use those words around me."
Eff smiled. He was nervous, not sure they weren't lost, but he loved pissing off Geo. It was so easy! And as these woods were on Geo's property and Geo had spent a lot of time in them, years of scouting through them, being lost was probably nothing to worry about.
"What I meant was, you were using not knowing where we are as an example. You do know where we are, don't you?"
"Well, sorta." Geo loved pissing Eff off, too. He'd known Pete Ffher forever, it seemed. He always called him Eff, the only one to do so. The boy was Pete to everyone else. But Geo and Pete were very close, and Geo wanted a special name of his own for Pete to affirm that closeness. He loved Pete's last name, loved how it was as unique as Eff himself was, and that was the reason he'd invented the nickname.
The two loved to piss each other off. That wasn't uncommon with kids who both were 13. Common or uncommon, being pissed at your best friend was just who these two were. They weren't seriously pissed. Teasing was really what they did with each other, and each accepted it and returned it with fervor. No way would either of them hold a grudge or be seriously ticked. They both knew each other better than they knew their parents. Parents were unpredictable. Best friends were like a second half of themselves.
It was a hot day, deep into summer. The woods were cooler, and that coolness was part of the reason they were trudging through them. Geo was carrying his brother Ken's .22, hoping to get a shot at a rabbit or a couple of squirrels. If he got several, he'd talk his mom into making them a game stew. She made a great one. But mostly, they were headed for a small lake they'd visited many times before. It was beautiful, majestic even, and they were planning to swim there, something they'd done many times. The water would be so, so refreshing after the sweaty hike. But they weren't taking the route Eff knew, so his nerves were fraying.
"We'd better go back," he said. "The deeper we get, the harder it'll be to find our way home."
"Aw, come on. We're almost there. Just another hour or so, I'm pretty sure."
"An hour! It's only a twenty-minute walk our regular way. You're lost, aren't you?"
"Well . . ." Geo put some uncertainty into his voice. "Uh, more like not really sure of where we are, kinda, more than actually lost. We could start circling a little to the left, but maybe it's to the right. Whaddaya think? We're in this together, after all, you know? You could say this is a your-guess-is-as-good-as-mine deal."
Geo couldn't keep the smile off his face, and so turned to hide it from Eff.
When there was no answer, Geo waited, then finally turned back. Eff was gone.
"Hey! Don't go back! You will get lost. You've never been here before. I have. I know exactly where we are. Where the lake is, too. Come on!" He was a little worried. Eff could get lost. Eff tended to live in his head a lot. He was good at planning, making up stories, thinking. He wasn't so good at actually doing things, like knowing where he was in the woods or finding his way back to the house.
No reply. Geo listened and couldn't hear Eff's footsteps. He started to worry, then stopped. Eff wouldn't have just wandered off; he wouldn't! But, if he had, Geo should be able to hear him. The floor of the woods wasn't silent to walk on. They'd been making noise all afternoon, stepping on dead leaves and twigs that would either snap or skitter away or uproot something. Their bodies would brush against plants and branches which made a noise. The fact there was silence now meant Eff had stopped. Had to mean that. He was probably hiding. Trying to scare Geo.
Geo had a decision to make. Should he go looking for Eff, keep calling to him, or do something else that was a bit riskier, but not too much. He was pretty sure Eff was hiding.
"Okay, be like that," he called, calling loudly in case he'd read the situation wrong and Eff was farther away than he thought. "I'm going to the lake. If you don't want to come, fine. Hope you don't get lost going back. There are bears, you know, and they might like to feed on a stray boy they discover wandering aimlessly in the woods at night."
No response. So, confident he was making the right choice, mostly confident, or somewhat confident at least, he turned and headed for the lake. It was only about five minutes away.
When he arrived at the lake, he just stood for a moment, undecided. He'd stopped a couple of times on the way and listened but hadn't heard a thing. Now he was at the lake and still hadn't heard anything.
Eff was a smart kid, if a little spacey. Well, what 13-year-old isn't, Geo thought. Still, he couldn't be absolutely certain Eff wouldn't have let his worries overcome his common sense. He might have decided to try to find his way back.
Normally, they'd both be in the water within a minute of arriving at the lake. Geo glanced at that water, but there was no way he was going to go in when he didn't know for sure where Eff was.
He waited a minute. No sounds, no Eff.
Damn! He had to go look for him. It was a huge woods, acres and acres. Would Eff be able to retrace their steps?
Now worried, Geo took off at a fast walk, going back toward where the boys had separated.
About a minute later, he finally heard something. It was Eff's voice. "Hey, the water's fine. What, you get lost or something? You might have, what with that hour of yours." Then there was laughter.
Geo returned to the lake. Eff was already in the water. Wearing a huge grin.
"I'll get you for this," Geo shouted and began stripping. One, he'd been played for a chump, and two, part of the fun of going to the lake with Eff, what he'd been thinking about all through the hike, was watching him get naked. This was a recent development for them. They'd always swum in their underwear before, but two times ago, Eff had stripped all the way. Eff had done it; really. Eff! Being Eff, Geo was sure he'd thought about it, considered it, looked at benefits and deficits, and then decided and gone ahead.
Stripping naked was much more something that Geo would do, but Eff had started it, and now Geo loved it. Loved swimming in this lake and loved watching Eff undress. Now he'd missed that. Damn, again!
But that was the trouble Geo had with having a best friend who was smarter than he was. It had happened before and would happen again. And the 'getting' he'd do to Eff for teasing him wouldn't be much at all. He liked him too much, and he never stayed angry for long. He expected Eff to outplay him. Happened all the time.
There was a clearing where they swam. It was like a semicircle had been cut out of the trees at water's edge. The ground there was covered with grass. Geo stripped, leaving his clothes and backpack close to the pile Eff had made of his back near the trees at the middle of the semicircle, the farthest distance from the lake. He leaned the .22 up against a tree at the end of the semicircle where the trees abutted the lake and joined Eff in the water.
The two boys enjoyed the cool water, splashed and played, both enjoying full-body contact, something else that was new, until they were shocked into standing still in water up to their stomachs, looking back at the shore.
What stopped their frivolity was a voice. They stopped, stood on the soft bottom of the lake and turned toward the sound. A man was standing on the bank. He was dressed rough, and his personal appearance matched his clothes. He looked old to the boys. They had no idea how old. Just old. He had a scraggly beard, unkempt hair almost down to his shoulders, and his ratty clothing and lined face were filthy. He was looking at the boys. They had no idea how long he'd been there or how long he'd been watching them.
He'd spoken so they'd know he was there. What he said was, "Hey boys. Come on out of there. I like boys your age. I can tell you're naked. I like naked boys. I've messed about with a lot of 'em. We can get it on, you and me. I'll make you feel good. Feelings you've never had before. You'll see. Come on. We'll have fun."
Then he rubbed his crotch.
Geo looked at Eff, who was looking back at him. The boys didn't have a leader and a follower. They were equals in almost everything. Geo counted on Eff to make complicated decisions, to figure out what he couldn't. Eff counted on Geo to be Geo, a bit wild, a bit uninhibited, and always fun. Now, Eff quietly said, "Stay here. No way are we going near him."
The man watched, saw Eff talking, saw neither boy coming in, and shook his head. "You're missing a lot of fun," he said. When that made no difference, he gave them a leering sort of smile and said, "Watch this." Then he dropped his decrepit jeans to his ankles. He had no underwear. He stood exposed to the boys, then rubbed himself a couple of times, and, when the boys still remained where they were, he pissed in the lake and laughed at them.
"You fucker!" Geo yelled. He rarely swore, and this was the first time Eff had ever heard him say that word. But Geo was mad. He felt almost like the man had pissed on them! "We're calling the cops when we get out. Tell them you molested us. They'll hang you up by your nuts!"
"They'd never find me. I know places here no one else has ever been."
He reached down and took his cock in hand and waved it at them.
"You could have played with this," he said. "Well, if you're not coming out, I'll just take a look-see at what goodies you brought me." He moved to their pile of belongings and went through their backpacks and clothes. He took the ten dollar bill Eff kept in his wallet for emergencies, dropped the wallet and picked up the wristwatch Geo always took off before going in the lake. He slipped that into his pocket. He also took the bottle of water Eff had in his pack.
He saw each boy had a cellphone. He didn't know much about phones like that. He'd never had one. But he'd heard about people being traced using their cellphone to locate them. He didn't want to take one of these if the cops could do that. Likewise, he didn't want them calling the cops till he had time to leave the area. So, he smashed both phones, then threw them in the lake.
Geo screamed invectives at him again, and the man laughed. "I'd have loved fucking you both; you're just the age I like to fool around with. Maybe I'll hide and catch you after you get out. I've gotten horny, watching your naked splashing. You can't stay in there all day. Come on out. When you do, I'll grab those asses of yours; you'll see what you've been missing."
He stood and watched, and they did the same, until finally the man just shook his head in defeat, yanked up his trousers, turned and walked away.
Geo started swimming toward the shore, and Eff called for him to stop. "He's probably waiting just inside the tree line. I'm sure he'll get bored and leave eventually, and we don't need to get out for a while yet."
Geo stopped and turned back to Eff. "I've got a better idea," he said. "The guy walked straight back into the woods. That's probably where he'll stay if he's looking to grab us. He didn't seem the sort to do anything tricky, like moving away from where he went into the woods. So, I'm going to get out near the tree where I left the .22. I'll pick it up and point it toward where he'll probably be if he's waiting for us. Then I'll call to you, ask if I should shoot. Hearing that, the guy'll take off like nobody's business, thinking I'm going to shoot in his direction."
Eff thought for a minute. "Sounds okay to me, but you need to watch carefully all the way into shore. If he's there at all, it'll be nowhere near the rifle which is near the lake. If you can't see him, get the gun. But do it as quickly as you can."
Geo nodded. It was a little scary to be moving toward where a mad pervert might be waiting to grab him. Geo smiled; he liked things a little scary.
He didn't see the man, so he slowly moved to his right as he neared the lake's edge, moving in the direction of the rifle. When the water was up halfway between his ankles and knees, he jumped straight up onto his feet and raced as well as he could the last few steps to the grass and then the tree. He grabbed the .22 and then returned to the lake, stepping into the water on the edge.
"Should I shoot into the woods?" he called to Eff.
"Can you see him?"
"No, but he's probably lurking there. I can shoot in a fan pattern, all but one bullet which I'll save so if I don't hit him and he rushes me, he'll be dead before he reaches me."
"Good plan. Go ahead. Aim low. Try to shoot him in the dick."
Geo grinned and did what Eff suggested. He was sure that when he called to Eff, if the man was still there, he'd be able to hear him crashing deeper into the woods. No way would the guy just stay there if there'd be bullets flying.
He didn't hear a sound.
But he loved shooting, and if the man was anywhere near, hearing the shots would certainly change his mind about attacking them. The rifle held 17 long rifle cartridges. He sprayed the woods in front of him with ten of them. Still no sounds from the woods. Even the birds were now silent.
Geo grinned. He was outside, naked, and shooting his rifle. Well, his brother's rifle, but the whole situation was unprecedented. He felt like a frontiersman. If they ever went hunting naked. He felt primitive. To him, it all was a great adventure.
Eff joined him. Geo was grinning like mad.
"What?" Eff asked.
"This is so great! Here, try it. Shooting in the woods, the rifle, no clothes, it just feels so, so . . . whatever it is." He handed the rifle to Eff.
Eff shook his head but loved the look on Geo's face, so he did as asked and shot the rifle.
"No, lower. Aim for his dick."
Eff laughed but let off two more rounds.
"See! Great, isn't it?"
Eff handed the rifle back to Geo. He got dressed, then held the rifle while Geo did the same.
"Let's go back," Eff said.
"Wait. First let's take a look in the woods where we shot. We might have bagged a squirrel. Or maybe wounded something, like a fox. Who knows? Wouldn't want to just leave a wounded animal."
"None of that's likely, but okay. Just hold the rifle ready. I doubt the guy is still around after hearing us shooting. He looked crazy, but not that crazy."
Geo grinned. More fun, more excitement.
The woods looked more or less the same here as they did everywhere else. The ubiquitous trees were closer together here than some places, but there were other places in the woods like this, too. Eff was looking at the ground and stopped.
"It looks like there's a very faint trail here. Probably for deer and other animals to get to the lake. Let's follow it."
They did, then stopped again after only going ten yards into the trees. Geo was slightly ahead of Eff and stopped so suddenly Eff bumped into him.
"What—"
And then he saw why Geo had stopped. Just ahead of them was the man. He was sitting on the ground with his back against a tree. His pants were bunched around his ankles, his hand was on his dick, but he wasn't moving at all. The other thing they both saw was the hole in his forehead. A .22-bullet-sized hole.
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