Finding Tim
A Fourth Alternate Reality
by Charlie
With editorial assistance from Dix and John
Cathy
Can you imagine what was going through my mind as we left Dakota House headed for The Carl? I (Cathy, that is) only vaguely knew what building they were talking about when they said, "The Carl," but I recognized it as soon as I saw it. It was a new modern building not too far from the campus. We easily walked to it.
We didn't say much on the way. My mind was racing with everything that had happened in the last hour. I had become engaged to Sid; I had become a member of Tim and Charlie's Gang. I wasn't sure just what that meant, and I was just learning that Sid was a member of this Gang as well. Boy, did I have a lot of questions for Sid. And what on earth was Gangland? Evidently it was in The Carl. That didn't make a lot of sense either.
Engaged! Well, that wasn't a complete surprise. Sid and I had talked about marriage, always as a conditional: If we got married, how would this be? Where might we live? Would I want to work? We talked about a lot of those questions, but without answers.
I had just spent the last few days listening to a very interesting, not interesting-exciting, group talk about sex, and what sexual mores they'd like to pass on to their children. Well, as I thought about it, they weren't talking about passing on mores to their children; they all seemed to understand that their children would be making their own decisions. Rather, they were concerned with what kind of sexual morality they were going to model for their children. They seemed quite clear that they weren't going to try to keep their behavior secret from their children, once the children reached an appropriate age. I think the thing that most concerned them in the last few days was just how they would slowly allow their children to be sexually aware, and aware of their parents behavior.
We got to The Carl and Sid took me to a back elevator that he had the code to access. We rode up to the fourth floor and walked down a hall to a utility closet. He moved the sign beside the door, and punched in a code. This was all like some spy novel, but it was real life. We went in, down a little corridor and arrived in what can only be described as a cross between an art gallery and a bedroom. The walls were filled with portraits. Everyone that had been with us these last days was there, as were a lot of others. Sid went down the line and told me about all of them.
"Sid, did you paint all of these?"
"Yes."
"Where did you paint them? Certainly not at school."
"Right here. We turned this room into a studio for a little over a month."
"Did they model for you?"
"Some did. Mostly I worked from photographs."
"These're really good. Really sexy, too."
"There were supposed to be erotic, but not pornographic."
"Pornography is in the eye of the beholder. To my eye, these come close. Oh, my God, look at the picture of you. Is that an accurate picture of your...private part? My God, there are two views of it."
"It's pretty accurate. I used a mirror."
I decided that now was the time. "Prove it."
He did. I had, in fact, seen him naked before. He had asked me if he could paint me in the nude, and I had let him. He had insisted on being nude while he painted. That was the only time we had been naked together. We didn't have sex then, and hadn't since. We had "petted" a little, but that was it. Now he was standing in front of me, completely naked. He penis grew as I watched. He clearly didn't intend for the night to pass without something more happening between us than had up to now. Neither did I.
I slipped off my clothes, and stood facing him, equally naked. He said, "Tim's rule is to talk first, act second."
"What do we need to talk about?"
"Cathy, I pulled this on you pretty suddenly. Was I being fair? Gee, I proposed in front of a dozen people. Isn't that supposed to be private? Were you pressured into giving the answer you gave?"
"Of course, I was pressured. But pressured by my love for you, not by the Gang."
"I love you, Cathy."
"I love you, Sid."
"Does my being black bother you?"
"What kind of a question is that? If it bothered me, could we possibly have gotten this far?"
"That isn't what I mean. We both want to have kids. Are we being fair to bring kids into a biracial family?"
"Oh, Sid. Let's hope the world gets beyond that."
"It will, someday. But we're going to be having kids before that someday. Are we being fair to them?"
"I love you Sid. Our kids are going to grow up surrounded by that love. No couple can do more for their kids. But our kids are going to get an extra dose of love. I just watched your Gang talk about loving kids, each other's kids. There were four uncles in that group that are going to love the dickens out of our kids. Can you imagine growing up with Tim, Charlie, Franklin, and Phil as your dearest uncles? Having Billy Carson's boys as close friends? Yes, we're being fair to our kids."
"What're we going to do tonight?"
"I'll be perfectly honest, Sid. I'm torn by your Gang. They didn't say anything about sex these few days that I disagreed with-in my mind. But I have a heart as well, and it isn't sure about everything. Bottom line, I want to be a virgin on my wedding day. I want that lovely penis of yours inside me for the first time on my wedding night. Is that OK with you? Or is that asking too much of you?"
"I love you, Cathy. If you want to wait, we'll wait. But it sounded to me like you wanted to do other things before we were married. Is that right?"
"Yes."
"What things?"
"Anything you want. Can I suck your penis?"
"Only if you call it something a little raunchier."
"Can I suck your lollipop?"
"You can do better than that."
"Can I suck your cock?"
"Of course you can."
I reached out and took his hand, and led him over to the bed. I pulled down the covers and gently pushed him into the middle of the sheet. As I was about to take him in my mouth, he asked, "Does it bother you that its black?"
"It's not black; it's brown. And no it doesn't bother me. Why are you so concerned about your color, Sid?"
"I don't know. I guess I haven't really gotten over the taboo of a black man taking a white woman."
"Sid, I don't think of you as a black man. But I'll admit, I do think of you in terms of color sometimes."
"What do you mean?"
"I have two images. The first is the brown Teddy Bear that I loved so when I was a little girl. I slept with him every night, hugging him to death. Now I have my little brown Teddy Bear back again, except that this one hugs me back. It's wonderful."
"What's the other image?"
"Hershey's Kisses!"
Sid responded, "Pink bubble gum is my image for white folks, but it isn't half as much fun as Hershey's Kisses."
"Let's not push this too far. I don't want to suck a Teddy Bear or a Hershey's Kiss. I want to suck my lover's dick, and I really don't care about the color, because my eyes are probably going to be closed anyway."
I took him in my mouth, hugged his waist tight, closed my eyes, and let my tongue go. Soon he was pretty excited and said, "I'm going to come, look out."
I said, "Be quiet," and sucked all the harder. He came, and I savored his seed in my mouth till he softened and slipped out. He kissed me, and we shared his semen. I'll never forget that experience.
We slept beside each other on the huge bed, and in the morning showered together in one of the strangest bathrooms I've ever experienced. While I sat on the toilet, Sid showered, getting me all wet. He rinsed me with the sprayer, and we changed positions. Then we were hugging, kissing, getting very wet, and letting our hands explore each other's bodies. I'll never forget that experience either.
There was a buzzer, and soon Carl walked in. He didn't seem to be the least disturbed that we were in the shower. He stuck his head in and said, "I brought you breakfast. By the way, in Gangland, all meals are eaten naked." With that comment, he left us alone.
The breakfast was Egg McMuffins from McDonald's, with hash browns, coffee and orange juice. Perfect. We sat cross-legged on the bed, spread a towel between us to hold the food, and ate as we stared into each other's eyes.
Sid said, "There are a couple of things about me you need to know."
"After everything we said the last few days, and then last night, what more do I need to know?"
"I'm rich."
"What do you mean? You're a kid from the Anacostia ghetto in Washington."
"You know that I've had a couple of art shows in New York?"
"Of course, and one was at the Guggenheim. You were a big splash in the art world. That all happened before we were dating seriously, but I knew about it. Heck, everyone on campus did; at least all the art students. We were all jealous as the dickens of you."
"Do you have any idea what those paintings sold for?"
"I guess quite a bit. How much?"
"I got over a million dollars."
You could've knocked me over with a feather. "Sid! My God. A million dollars? You certainly don't go around campus acting like a millionaire."
"I try not to. But you have to know these things if we're going to get married."
"What did you do with the money?"
"Bought my mom's apartment building and invested the rest."
"Isn't that a one time thing? You'll never get another show at the Guggenheim."
"I have pictures in the New Finds Gallery in New York and another gallery in Chicago all the time. I sell one, two or three a month."
"How much do you get for them?"
"Between five and twelve thousand dollars."
I think I hurt my jaw it dropped so low. "You paint some portraits as well, don't you? It seems to me that some people have come to town to have their portraits painted."
"I do one or two a month."
"How much do you get paid for that?"
"Fifteen thousand dollars each."
"My God."
"I started at ten thousand, on the advice of Mr. Stilson at New Finds Gallery. But Tim warned me that I might have to increase the price to slow down the demand. That's why the price went up. And it did slow down the demand."
"This is all going to take some getting used to."
"I hope it doesn't affect our relationship."
"Oh, Sid. It won't. You're still Sid. But it does give you options in life that you wouldn't otherwise have, doesn't it?"
"Yes, and the really important one is that we can live wherever we want to live. I can paint anywhere; and if people wanting portraits are willing to come to Grand Forks, they'd be willing to go anywhere."
"Where do you want to live, Sid?"
"Wherever you are."
"Be serious."
"I am. Where would you like to live?"
"Sid, we just spent most of a week with a truly wonderful group of people. If we got married soon, we could be having children at about the same time as those couples. I think the most wonderful thing in the world would be to raise kids with that group of friends as their aunts and uncles, and all of the children being, at least figuratively, cousins. Would you like to live in Grand Forks?"
"I would love to live in Grand Forks. I don't care about Grand Forks any more than you do. But living near the Gang, the people you just talked about, would be my choice. And thanks to my art, it's an easy choice for us."
If you had asked me 24 hours earlier to tell you what my dream life might be, I couldn't have come up with a fantasy that was as appealing as the reality that was opening up before me. Cinderella never had it so good. And as far as I could see, I wasn't going to lose my glass slippers. Sid had things totally under control. And he was in love with me! How could a girl possibly get so lucky?
I threw myself at Sid, turning over the cups (now empty) between us, grabbed him, hugged him tight, and we fell over sideways on the bed. I don't know how long we held each other. We were now messy again, and that seemed to call for another shower. If sitting on the bed and thinking about the wonderful life that lay ahead of me was pleasant; think how much nicer it was to stand in the shower, holding Sid, letting warm water flow all over us, and thinking those same thoughts. We dried each other, dressed, and headed to the art studio, where we both had an afternoon studio session scheduled. As soon as we walked into the studio I shouted out, "Sid and I are going to be married!"
Everyone crowded around, slapping our backs, and congratulating us. Our studio art teacher came over and hugged us both and said, "It's wonderful news, kids. Congratulations!" Then we all got back to work.
A footnote. The next time we visited Gangland-it didn't take us long-my nude portrait was hanging, next in line. Sid had painted me rather coyly turned so that my butt, rather than my front, was visible. But he'd placed a mirror behind, and you could see everything in the mirror. The mirror hadn't been there when I modeled for the portrait!
The Gang was wonderful to Sid and me. I think we were invited to either lunch or dinner at every Gang home in Grand Forks that summer.
Now I'm going to get ahead of Tim's story, but he told me to continue with my romance with Sid. I was eager to get married as quickly as possible, because I was quite serious when I told Sid that I thought we should try to have kids who were contemporaries of the kids the Gang were having. Of course, that meant that we had to have the Guess Who's Coming to Dinner moment pretty quick. Home was Bismarck, and I figured that I'd better get Sid to Bismarck as quickly as possible. The big question was whether I would tell them in advance that Sid was black.
Sid and I talked about that as we anticipated a Fourth of July weekend visit to my folks in Bismarck. I'd talked about Sid, but they never connected him to the black artist that was taking the New York art world by storm. In fact, I'm not at all sure that my parents were even aware that any artist, of any color, was taking the New York art world by storm. Their interest in art began and ended with the pictures that I painted and showed them. I told Sid, "You know, my parents are in for a triple shock: first, you're black; second, I'm engaged; and third you're rich and famous. Honestly, I think that the last may be the biggest shock to them. My dad sells men's shirts in a department store in Bismarck. He gets a thrill out of selling to members of the legislature when they're in town. The circles you move in in New York; the world of Tim, Charlie, Fred, Billy, and the others; the art world at the university-all of this is totally alien to my folks."
"Can they handle it all at once?"
"That's a good question. But they're good people, and they love me. I'm just going to have to hope for the best. But what do you think I should tell them before we get there on Friday the fourth?"
"I would just tell them that you have some big news. They'll probably guess that it might be an engagement. They'll get their second shock when they see me; and we'll talk about art and money much later in the weekend."
It sounded good, and it fact it turned out to be. We drove up to the house and my parents were waiting in the living room. They saw Sid as he got out of the car and walked around and opened the door for me. Just then they flew out of the house and ran up to me, hugging and kissing in their usual greeting. Then Mom turned to Sid and said, "You have to be Sid. I'm Millie Garver, Cathy's mom, and this is her dad, Ferd."
They shook hands and walked into the house, talking the whole way, more or less ignoring me. All was going to be fine. So much worrying over nothing.
My parents had grown up in North Dakota and had very little experience with African-Americans. It would be easy to conclude that would make them very uneasy about a romance between their daughter and an African-American, but the reverse it true. They didn't carry the baggage that many white Americans carried about people of another race. They hadn't heard a lot of prejudiced talk; they hadn't seen segregated facilities; they hadn't experienced African-Americans in mostly servile roles. They would probably have been much more upset if I'd brought home a Native American than an African-American. Regardless, they accepted Sid into the family that day, and every day since.
That he'd had a one-man show at the Guggenheim in New York meant nothing to them. That he'd sold a bunch of paintings for a million dollars blew their minds. That anybody would travel to Grand Forks and pay $15,000 to have Sid paint their picture was equally beyond their ken. But it didn't take long for them to figure out that this kid was going to be able to take pretty good care of their little girl. And that he and I were planning on living in North Dakota was the most important thing discussed that weekend. If they had any fear for me, it was that they'd lose me to some university graduate that would sweep me off my feet and out of North Dakota and probably out of the Midwest. That was their big fear when they reluctantly let me study at UND. Now, here was Sid telling them that he wanted nothing more than to settle down in Grand Forks, paint to his heart's content, raise children, and love me forever. Life couldn't get better, for them or for me.
I think Mom would've liked me to have had a traditional wedding in Bismarck, but she accepted that we really wanted to get married with the friends we'd be sharing our life with in Grand Forks. Together the four of us set a date for September 13, 1980, the second Saturday after Labor Day. That would allow all of our friends who were out of town over the summer to get back in town and be a part of our "big day."
Mom, the ever practical one, raised the question of where we'd live after we were married, and where I would be living once the dorms closed after the summer term. Sid replied, "We're going to buy a house. If it would bother you for us both to live in it before we're married, then we won't. Either I'll live at home and Cathy can move into the house, or I'll move into the house and Cathy can live at home with my mom and sisters. If it wouldn't bother you for us to live in the house together before we're married, then that's what we'll do. But, I'll tell you one thing: Cathy had said very emphatically that she intends to be a virgin on her wedding night, and that'll be true regardless of our living arrangements before the wedding."
Before either Mom or Dad could answer, I said, "That's the truth, Mom. We haven't been prudes, but I'm still a virgin and will be at my wedding."
Mom asked Sid, "What would your mother think?"
"She trusts me. Back in Washington where she grew up, living together was the norm. When Cathy and I told her that Cathy would be a virgin on her wedding night she simply said, 'That's wonderful. You stick to that.' She won't be upset by any of the living alternatives I set out."
Dad said, "You all do what you think's best for you. We aren't worried."
My parents were Lutheran, but had hardly been in a church since they were married and I was baptized. They couldn't have told you the name of the current pastor of the church. Where I was married made no difference to them. Sid wanted to be married on campus, and that's where it happened. The ceremony took place on a lawn outside of Twamly Hall where Tim's office was. It was conducted by Tim and a judge that Fred knew and asked to help out. It was a brief service, followed by a big barbeque picnic right there on the university commons, served by the food service. Prince was Sid's best man, since Tim wasn't available for that role. Sue was my Matron of Honor, representing all of the Gang. All of the local members of the Gang were there and most of those from out of town. We spent our wedding night in Gangland-I couldn't think of a better place to lose my virginity. The next day we set off on a ten-day honeymoon in Paris-first class all the way. We even flew on the Concorde, over on British Airways, connecting on to Paris, and back on Air France. What a thrill! It was the first time that I'd ever seen Sid be extravagant, but he spared very little. It was a lovely trip; and going first class I was really able to say that, "Paris is for lovers." That was particularly true because Tina and Merle, even though they were no longer living there, had given us all kinds of advice, and arranged introductions to their friends and to many in the Paris art world.
You have to remember where Sid came from. I know, you'll probably say Anacostia, and that would be geographically correct. But his heart was in the museums on the National Mall. In Paris he was drawn to the Louvre like a magnet. I'm an artist, and I studied art in both high school and college. But I couldn't come close to appreciating the experience of the Louvre the way Sid did. We agreed that we'd only spend every other day there, but that still gave us four days in the Louvre. On those days we arrived at opening and left at closing. For Sid, that meant leaving reluctantly. But, he would feel guilty about dragging me through the museum all day and would make it up to me with a fabulous evening, dinner, music (I love the opera), and late night dancing. I don't think I'll ever really understand how Sid learned to both find and enjoy the high life of Paris, when his life experiences were pretty much limited to Anacostia and Grand Forks. It was partly that he was well coached by Tina and Merle's friends, who had been thrilled to meet the artist that had, in their words, "Conquered the Guggenheim." However, it was mainly because Sid learned in early life to take advantage of every opportunity.
We hated to leave Paris! But just like Cinderella, we had to accept that all good things must come to an end. We headed back to Grand Forks and a new life.
When we got back we settled into the house that Sid and I had purchased on the western edge of town. Well, we weren't really on the edge, we were out of town about a mile on one of the few hills in the area. In choosing the house Sid proved to be one of the smartest people in Grand Forks. He'd told me, "You know, Cathy, this town has had some pretty serious floods in its history, and you can't insure the mass of art work that's going to be sitting in our studio on any given day. I want to be well outside of any flood area." Little did I know how important that decision would be, nor how soon we would find out!
The house wasn't too large-a fairly ordinary one-storey ranch, with four bedrooms. It had a big unfinished basement, which we decided we wouldn't do anything with until we had our first child-which we started working on in Gangland on our wedding night. The critical thing about the house, for both Sid and me, was that it had plenty of space behind where we could attach a studio. After quite a bit of serious thought and conversation, we decided that we wanted to work in a single studio. We realized the potential of interfering with each other's work, especially when we were working with models, but we decided that, on balance, we really wanted to work together, not separated. We ended up creating a three-room studio suite attached to the rear of the house, but with an outside entrance. It contained one large master studio that both Sid and I would work in, a smaller studio where either of us could work privately with a model, and a large storeroom for supplies and art storage. The two studio rooms had skylights and lots of windows so that we had plenty of daylight, but they also had a mass of electric lights to get us through the northern winters with their short days! It was an artist's dream.
We overnighted in Gangland from time to time, and one morning Sid and I sat there, eating a McDonald's breakfast that he'd gone out and purchased as I was waking up. I looked around at the 49 portraits and said to Sid, "This is a pretty sexy bunch of people. Just how much sex is there in this group?"
"Quite a bit, but I don't really know all the details. They don't rub your nose in it. When I met them the first time as a kid, at Tim's house in Washington, it was obvious that there were only enough beds if they were well shared, but that's all I knew. You know from our conversations last June that they do have fairly active sex lives, and mix or match partners quite a bit."
"I know you've had sex with Phil and Franklin. Anyone else?"
"Not yet."
"Not yet? Yet?'
"I guess that's up to you. I could be tempted."
"Well, I've known this conversation was coming. I've been thinking about it. I'm not sure what my limits are, but I'm willing to experiment, but only if you'd like to. I don't think we should push each other on this. And I don't think we should push ourselves on the Gang if they aren't enthusiastic."
"I have a feeling that that's an unnecessary caution, but I agree with you."
"So, just exactly where do we start, and how?"
"I think it's as simple as inviting one of the couples in the Gang to dinner at our new house. I think that if the conversation is going to move to sex we will have to move it there. They still think of me as a little boy, and they aren't going to make any sexual advances unless I start it and remind them that I'm no longer a little boy."
"Who would you like to start with, Tim and Charlie?"
"No, I don't think I'm ready for Tim and Charlie. They pretty much filled a father role in my later teen years, and I'm not sure I'm ever going to be ready for sex with them."
"How about Jerry and Judy? They're closer to our age. I'll have to say Jerry's a hunk, and I would expect you to be somewhat attracted to the lovely Judy."
"You know, Cathy, in this group, alternate pairings are not only possible but are likely."
"I guess I knew that. Well, Judy's appealing to me. How about Jerry for you?"
"Are you kidding? He posed for that painting over there; I've seen his body up close. He's great."
"Would you enjoy sex with him?"
"Yes, I would. Does that bother you? Either because he's a guy, or because he's not you?"
"No, Sid, it doesn't. Certainly not because he's a guy. And we started this conversation talking about having sex with other people. I'm open to it. Oh, shit, Sid. I think it'd be fun. Sex is fun, why deny it? We can change our minds; maybe we will. But let's try to be open with our sexuality, at least within the Gang."
"Let's start with another stab at making a baby this morning. OK?"
"Sure it's OK." He picked me up, tossed me on the bed, and we were entwined immediately.
We'll never know whether it was then or on our honeymoon, but our little August (we call him Auggie) was conceived right about then. In any case, by Thanksgiving the doctor had given us an arrival date of June 6, 1981.
Not long after that we did invite Judy and Jerry for dinner. Sid was right; the subject of sex didn't come up until Sid raised it. Sid was pretty straight forward, "We have a king size bed down the hall that'll easily fit four. Would you care to join us there?"
Judy replied, "Of course. We were hoping that you had that in mind when you extended your invitation. I suggest we head for that bed, and make sure that all of our clothes end up on the floor of the hall."
That's where they ended up, and we four ended up all over each other. Actually, not much happened. I was a pretty inexperienced girl from Bismarck, and Sid was equally inexperienced. Just laying on a bed with three other naked people was a pretty titillating experience for both of us. Jerry and Judy didn't push us at all, and we were all content that night to let our hands do the work. Everybody did play with everybody, as I remember it. Future evenings with the Gang would get considerably more adventurous, but before that my pregnancy announced itself, and Sid and I decided to limit sex to each other for the rest of my term.
I know I'm getting out of the sequence of Charlie's story, but he told me to go ahead and tell a little more of Sid's and my story. August came on June 9, 1981. The funny thing was, the night that Judy, Jerry, Sid and I had the romp on our bed, both Judy and I were pregnant, but it was too soon to know it. Their little Jennie arrived three days before Auggie, on June 6, 1981. We took their almost joint arrival as a good sign. It definitely made us closer to Judy and Jerry than any other members of the Gang. It didn't hurt that they were the closest in age to us.
Sid thought of a camera as a tool to support his art. The finished product always was a drawing or painting, whether in charcoal, pencil, watercolor or oil. So if you look around our house you won't see many photographs of Auggie. But drawings and paintings abound. They start with a series of me when I was pregnant. I'm clothed in some, just wearing panties in others, but mostly I'm naked as a jaybird. That's the way Sid likes to paint me, and I'll admit it does show off the growth of little Auggie the best. He always has a half a dozen small paintings of me hanging in the studio, and nearly all of them are of me nude. I walked into the studio one night and found it darkened, with only a single spotlight shining on a fairly large canvas on the wall. It was me, naked, in a fairly erotic pose. There was Sid, sitting on a chair, naked himself, jacking off. I came over, got on my knees between his legs and said, "Let me do that," and substituted my mouth for his hand.
Don't misunderstand that story. Sid and I have a wonderful sex life. But we quickly learned that his desires exceed mine. I know he masturbates from time to time, and I often help him out. Hey, it works for us.
We would've liked to have had more kids, but Auggie was it. We tried for several years, but then decided that we'd just be content with one. Auggie gets all of our love, and he hardly realizes he's an only child, because of all of the "cousins" he has in his life. There's hardly a weekend that he doesn't either have a sleep-over visitor or spend the night with one of his cousins. It's been wonderful watching them grow up together!
I told you that when Sid and I decided to be married that I looked forward to a fairy tale life that was much more wonderful than anything I could've dreamt of before I met Sid. Well, it worked out that way. Sid and I really have lived happily ever after. In Grand Forks, North Dakota, of all places. As part of a Gang of friends that could only exist in a fairy tale, but which have been my reality.
Authors deserve your feedback. It's the only payment they get. If you go to the top of the page you will find the author's name. Click that and you can email the author easily.* Please take a few moments, if you liked the story, to say so.
[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address (it goes directly to your clipboard without having the courtesy of mentioning that to you) to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. Note: If the email address pastes or arrives with %40 in the middle, replace that weird set of characters with an @ sign.]
* Some browsers may require a right click instead
