The Pretenders
by c m
Chapter 2
This is a continuation of the story submitted for the writing challenge 'Of books and covers'.
Jase and Robbie are long-term friends who have realised they feel more for each other than just friendship. They are now just a few weeks into their new relationship as lovers. Neither of them has come out yet, but they've agreed to do so at Christmas. Robbie has a younger brother, Kai, who came out to his parents a few months earlier.
The adrenaline high of doing the Pantomime is now behind us, but the virgin fields (if you'll forgive the expression) of our new relationship that lie in front of us fill both of us with an anticipation that's every bit as exciting
As Robbie and I agreed, we come out to our parents on Boxing Day; for me, it goes absolutely fine. My Mum tells me that she and my father have discussed it as a possibility and so it's no big surprise. They are more than happy that my first boyfriend is Robbie. They know him well and like him.
I phone Robbie to tell him – and to ask how things went for him.
'They were kind of surprised, Jase. I mean, you know they have no problem with homosexuality – they were fine with Kai when he told them – but, well, what they said was….'
And he proceeds to relay the conversation.
'Are you sure, Robbie?'
'Yes, Mum.'
'It's just…well…rather unexpected. I mean, you've had girlfriends….it isn't just because Kai has said he's gay is it?'
'No…this has nothing to do with Kai. It's just…well…Jase told me he had…feelings…for me and I realised that I felt the same way about him. And…'
'Jason is gay?' says his father.
'Yes, Dad, he's telling his parents today – like I'm telling you. I guess we both hid our feelings from each other because, well, we've been best friends for ages and neither of us wanted to risk our friendship but eventually…actually it was Kai who made us face up to how we felt…what we were…are.'
'Kai?'
'Yes…look, it's kind of complicated but all that matters is that Jase and I are much more than just friends. We love each other and we don't want it to be a secret any more.'
His father goes to speak but his mother interrupts him.
'Well, I have to say that I – we - are still a bit surprised, but if that's how you feel about each other then of course we accept it, don't we, Michael?'
She looks at her husband who nods. She sighs. 'So both our sons are gay.'
'I hope I haven't…disappointed you?'
'Of course not. We love you – both of you – just as much. You are what you are and we admire the fact that you've been brave enough and honest enough to tell us. And you know that we like Jase very much. Are you…that is….have you…'
'Yes, Mum, we have a physical relationship.'
'I see. You are being careful aren't you?'
'Yes, Mum. Though it's the first time for both of us so you really don't have to worry.'
'And Kai knows?'
'Yes, Mum. It's not that we wouldn't have told you first, it's just…he knew…he could tell…that's what I meant when I said it was a bit complicated.'
'I see…well, actually I don't - but I don't suppose the details are any of my business.'
'Thanks Mum.. And when Jase stays over, it will be OK for him to share my room?'
His parents look at each other. There's an unspoken signal between them.
'Yes, love, of course. Just…well…remember that there's nothing wrong with my, or your Dad's, or Kai's hearing.'
'Thanks Mum, Dad… you're the best.'
When he's finished, I try to take the conversation in.
''Guess it went pretty well – but the first thing you asked, pretty much, was is it OK for us to sleep together when I stay over?'
He grins.
'Well, I reckoned it was best to deal with the most important thing first.'
I laugh.
'After all, ' he continues, 'it's pretty much the focus of how we spend our time isn't it?'
'I guess it is.'
But it makes me feel a little uncomfortable all the same. Not that I don't enjoy sex with Robbie, and not that I, too, don't want to do it pretty much all the time, but I've seen it as a joyous extension of our friendship, not a complete change of focus. But then we've been lovers for less than a month so it's all still gloriously new and wonderful, and we are, after all, horny teens who can't get enough of each other. I should stop worrying.
And the sex IS very good – and getting better all the time as we relax and explore new things.
One of the nice things about having Robbie as a boyfriend is that I start to get to know Kai better as well. Occasionally when I go round, Robbie isn't back from doing whatever he's out doing, and I get to talk with Kai. One day I ask him when he knew he was gay and when he had his first relationship.
'Oh, I suppose I knew when I was about 11 and I was sure by the time I was twelve, but the first time I ever…did anything…was when I was 13. It was on holiday - a family holiday. I met a boy on the beach. Tyson – Ty for short. He was fourteen. We got on really well and it turned out that they were staying in a hotel close to the campsite we were on. By the end of the first week we were good friends. The subject of girlfriends came up at some point and he told me, quite openly, that he was gay. So I told him I was too. Neither of us was out – it was a sort of shared intimacy and a relief for both of us that we had someone to confide in, I suppose. He had his own room at the hotel and you can probably guess the rest. We found a reason to have an afternoon on our own together and we went on a little voyage of discovery. Just mutual masturbation but it was exciting. We never even discussed going any further with one another. He arranged for me to be invited for a sleepover in the hotel as well just before the end of the holiday and so we had a whole night together as well. After he went home, he never replied to my messages - which hurt a bit – but at least I'd got certainty about who and what I was.'
'And you're going out with Mark now, is that right?'
Mark's a boy from school. Kai smiles.
'Yeah. Well, you were dim enough to choose my bro instead of me so I've had to put that little fantasy away and get on with real life. And Mark's a nice guy. Says he's bi rather than gay, but that's OK. We get on well and he's fun to be with. Haven't done more than wank each other off so far but I'm in no hurry. I'm probably weird, but I value a relationship above just sex. That what my holiday experience taught me. It was fun to have sex, but the fact that Ty didn't even want to contact me once we'd gone home left me feeling…kind of used. I mean, I know I wasn't…we both had fun but there was a feeling of…disappointment. Maybe I get that from seeing you and Robbie together. I mean you were friends first and lovers second. That's what I want too.'
At that moment Robbie returns - and five minutes later we are in his bed, naked and sucking each other off. But the conversation with Kai sticks in my mind.
It actually takes almost six months before Robbie and I add penetration to the list of things we do. Somewhat to my surprise, he is keener on getting there than I am. Our early efforts are more painful than pleasurable, but once we've got used to it, there's no stopping us.
At the same time as Robbie and I are taking our relationship to this new high, however, Kai's relationship with Mark goes down the pan. One evening when we're sitting watching television, Robbie's Dad asks him to help with something and they go off together - leaving Kai and me alone.
'So what happened between you and Mark, if you don't mind my asking?'
A sad smile flickers over Kai's lips.
'No that's fine. Well… a week or so ago, when we were…doing what we did together…he asked me if instead of using my hand on him, I'd use my mouth…you know, give him a bj. Well, we 'd been together a while and I figured that was an OK step forward, but as I was about to say 'OK', he added that he wouldn't be giving me one in return. I asked him why not and he said it was a bit too gay for him. I said I thought he was bi – and that meant he had a gay side to him, but he just shook his head and said it wasn't something he wanted to do - which was, at least, honest, but it felt a bit like he was just wanting to take advantage of me; in fact, I'm now wondering if he's actually bi at all or was just using a gay boy to get his rocks off. Anyway, long and short of it is that I refused and our relationship – such as it was – is over. Which at least makes me pleased I said no to oral with him.'
'Good for you, Kai.'
'I guess. Why can't I find a relationship like you and Robbie have?'
'Patience, Kai, patience. You're a lovely guy – and I respect you for sticking with your principles.'
Three months later, and it looks as though Kai might have found the relationship he's looking for. Shortly after his fifteenth birthday he meets a local lad called Guy at the local youth club, and they've been going out together for a couple of months. Kai and I are now chatting regularly and I take the chance to ask him how things are going.
'It's really good, Jase. We just enjoy each other's company – and he's fine with us taking things slowly. We've got as far as oral, but that's it. Well, that and…can I ask you something personal?'
'You can ask.'
'Do you and Robbie…use your tongues on each other…back there?'
'Rimming?'
'Umm, yes.'
'No…no we've never done that. I don't think it's ever crossed our minds, to be honest.'
'Ah. OK. It's just…Guy suggested trying it…so we've done that as well.'
'And is it…good?'
'Yeah. Surprisingly good, actually.'
'Maybe I'll mention it to Robbie. But it's nice to see you so happy, Kai.'
'Thanks, Jase. I think he may be the one.'
We give each other a hug and I keep my fingers crossed for him
As for suggesting rimming to Robbie, I don't. I don't know why, it just doesn't appeal to me.
To my surprise, Kai and Guy's relationship only lasts another three months. And I am the one Kai chooses to talk to about the break-up.
'I don't know what happened to him, Jase. I mean, we started having proper sex…you know…all the way…a couple of months ago. Guy suggested it and it just felt right to say 'yes'. And it was good, Jase, really good. For maybe…three weeks. Then things changed. It was if taking my virginity had been the point of his having a relationship with me – or maybe he just liked the thrill of the chase…I don't know – but once he'd had me a few times I didn't seem to interest him any more. Things cooled down to the point where we virtually stopped having sex altogether. And then last week he told me one of his friends wanted to fuck me, and he asked me if I'd be OK with that…well, I knew at that point that it was all over. It wasn't even as though he'd said it would be a threesome – not that I'd have wanted that either – it was just as if he wanted to give me as a present to his friend. I feel like I've been played for a fool, Jase.'
And then he's in tears. I wrap my arms round him and do what I can to comfort him. I don't know if it helps much, but he's grateful to have had a friendly shoulder to cry on.
I rather lose track of his love life over the next six months. Whatever it is that happens, he doesn't need – or want – to talk to me about it. But I do know that he goes through a couple of very brief, 'on the rebound' relationships – from which he walks away the moment the other boys start wanting sex when they've barely got to know him. I guess what he says about wanting a relationship and not just sex is true – or maybe he just doesn't want to get hurt again.
Outside the bedroom, Robbie and I drop back into the routine of school life. We also both have parts in the Pantomime – although this year it's back to something far more traditional – Cinderella. Robbie and I are cast as the Ugly Sisters and we have a ball (if you'll excuse the pun). Kai has a proper part as well – which he pulls off with aplomb. But it is not his acting that catches the eye of a member of the audience one night. Over the past year, Kai's looks have matured. He is no longer the slightly skinny pretty-boy he was; he has filled out a little and his looks are now handsome rather than just cute.
Karen Makepeace is one of the principals behind Talent Bubble, a modelling agency specialising in young teen and early twenties models. She is at the Saturday night performance of the Panto and is very struck by Kai. She believes he has not only the looks but the presence to be a potential star model – and she approaches him after the show. Long story short, after talking with Kai's parents, she signs him up onto her books.
Kai is, understandably, very excited.
'It's amazing, Jase. Even for someone my age and with my lack of experience, the fees can be pretty impressive.'
'And it won't interfere with your education?'
'No. Karen said that they are very careful – insistent actually – that any assignments shouldn't interrupt school time – or if they do, they provide tutors to help you catch up. And once I'm sixteen, I can go full-time. If everything works out.'
'It's certainly an option, Kai. But you might want to think about getting a qualification alongside your modelling. Maybe go to sixth-form college on a part time basis. It's just…I guess that looks that are 'in' today can go out of fashion just as fast – and you're still developing, Kai; sure, you're already very good-looking - and you may easily become a total stunner - but sometimes nature has other ideas.'
He nods.
'Yes…I have thought about that, actually. You might be right. And it's not as though modelling takes up eight hours a day every day. Yeah, maybe that's what I should do.'
As things turn out over the coming months, Kai becomes very much in demand. How he manages to remain as level-headed as he does is beyond me; my respect for him grows. The other advantage is that it takes Kai's mind off finding a boyfriend. He is so caught up in the exciting new world of which he is a part that he simply doesn't have time to think about anything else.
As for Robbie and me, we drop into the easy relationship that two people who know each other well have. We may not have the sheer amount of sex that we did in those first two or three months of discovering what Robbie insists on calling 'The Joy of Jase's Jenitals', but the sex we do have is regular, energetic and thoroughly satisfying.
And, outside the bedroom, we are now both pretty focused on our A levels. We're doing different subjects, so we don't see very much of each other at school, and we both have heavy workloads of study to do in the evenings – which makes our time together all the more precious.
That summer, Robbie's family invite me to go on holiday with them. They have booked a lovely villa in Italy and I can't wait. Our two weeks away is even better than I could have imagined; the sun shines and the villa has its own pool. Another British family have hired the next door villa and we get to know them quite well. The father is British and the mother Nigerian. They have two children – Naomi who is the same age as Robbie and me, and Dillon who is the same age as Kai. Naomi is quite a pretty girl, but Dillon, with his unusual combination of dark, coffee coloured skin and blue eyes, topped off with an amazing smile, is downright sexy. He and Kai get on like a house on fire.
Kai has his sixteenth birthday while we're out there and we have a small dinner party to which the other family is invited. We spend most of the afternoon splashing about in the pool. Naomi is obviously very attracted to Robbie, so we have to explain that he and I are a couple – much to Naomi's disappointment. Kai takes the chance to tell Dillon that he's gay too – and to ask if he's OK with that. From the way the two of them proceed to horse about together, it's clear that Dillon is very OK with it – indeed, Kai ends up asking if Dillon can sleep over, which he does.
The following afternoon I get the chance to ask Kai how things went as we're lying beside the pool.
'He's really nice, Jase. We spent hours just talking. We like the same things…we have the same sense of humour and, well, he's bi. And we pretty much fancy the pants off each other.'
'That's wonderful, Kai.'
He can hear the unspoken question in my voice. He smiles.
'You know I've always said that I want a relationship before I have sex…well…that hasn't proved very successful has it? The only time I've got to have a promising relationship so far, it all went tits up once we'd had sex. Do you think it would be wrong just to have a sort of holiday fling? I mean I think Dillon and I would like to keep seeing each other after the holiday, but that's not likely to happen as he lives hundreds of miles away, so holiday sex is all it would be. And if he's bi, he might find a girl he prefers anyway. But would some 'no strings' sex be wrong?'
'Not wrong, Kai; I guess it just depends on how you think you'll feel afterwards. It's not as though you're a virgin or anything and if you think you can have some fun and feel fine about it afterwards then why not? '
'It's just…well…last night we wanked each other off and then we had oral – well as much of him as I could fit in my mouth! He's huge – well, a lot bigger than me anyway. I know he'd like more, but I told him I needed to get my head round it. He said I'd done a pretty good job of that already!'
We both burst into laughter.
'If you guys can talk about it before just doing it, then I think you're both going into it with your eyes open – and that's a much better recipe for 'no regrets' than just letting lust take over.'
'Thanks, Jase…it's always good to talk to you. I feel I can talk to you about anything in a way I can't with Robbie – let alone my parents. I think you know me better than anyone actually.'
'That's great…tell me how it goes…I shall want all the details!'
'Hmm…maybe….maybe not. Assuming he can even get that monster of his inside me anyway…'
'I only have one word to say to you; lube.'
We laugh.
'Have fun, Kai.'
'I will!'
The rest of the holiday passes all too quickly; Naomi - once she's got over her initial disappointment about Robbie – turns out to be good fun too. Robbie even offers to accompany her on an afternoon trip, leaving me alone at the villa. I'm aware that they're gone some time, and that evening, most unusually, Robbie says he's too tired for sex. I ask him if he's OK.
'Yes, I'm fine Jase – and sorry. It's just it took a lot more time than I thought and I think I probably got a bit dehydrated in the sun. I'm pretty sure I'll be back to normal tomorrow.'
And to be fair, he pretty much is.
He also tells me that, in one of those curious coincidences, Naomi is planning on going to the same Uni as he is. I guess it's nice that he'll already know someone else there.
As for Kai, he has a huge grin on his face on those few occasions I see him when he's not spending every hour with Dillon. And I notice that he sits down somewhat gingerly when we're at the table eating.
Back home, there are barely six weeks left before Robbie and I are off to Uni. I want to spend all the time with him that I can, but he seems distracted. Even when we're having sex there seems to be a part of him that's not there. I ask him what's wrong.
'I'm sorry Jase, it's just I hate the thought of not being with you, not seeing you for nearly three months. I know that means we should be enjoying all the time we have together but I can't get it out of my mind.'
'I know it's not going to be easy, Robbie but we'll cope.'
I kiss him and slowly feel him relax – and the sex is suddenly as good as it's always been.
But Robbie is not the only one who seems down. Kai is not himself either. I go and knock on his door.
'Oh, hi Jase, come in.'
He clears some books off a chair and beckons me to it.
'Sit down. What's up?'
'That's what I was going to ask you. Where's happy-go-lucky Kai gone?'
He smiles – and his face lights up as he does so. It's a fact that, now sixteen and a half, Kai's looks have continued to change in all the right ways. He is now not just decidedly handsome…but sexy. The modelling work he's doing has given him an extra confidence in himself as well. Which makes his current depression – if that's what it is - even more out of character.
'Oh, well…it's just…you know we talked about how I'd feel about having a holiday fling – just sex – afterwards? It turns out I don't feel so good about it. I mean not that I didn't enjoy it at the time. Dillon was super nice and we had a great time in bed but….now there's nothing there. And if I have the same sort of non-relationship again I know it just won't cut it for me. I want – I need – what you and Robbie have. And living right alongside what you have - every day - just rubs it in.'
I get up, go over, and put an arm round him. He rests his head on my shoulder.
'Just be patient, Kai. Look at you; handsome, sexy, successful model, bright…the right person will come along.'
'I hope so, Jase. I so want it to be someone like you, though. Kind, nice, caring – not to mention super-sexy.'
He says this with a smile on his face. I give him a squeeze. There's a pause, then he says:
'Umm…things are still good between you and Robbie aren't they?'
I'm slightly taken aback.
'Err, yes…what makes you think they aren't?'
'I don't know. I may be seeing things that aren't there. He just seems…distracted.'
I smile.
'That's exactly the word I used to him, Kai. But don't worry, it's just he's having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that we're going to be apart for three months.'
'Oh, OK. Good. If you say so. And thanks for asking what was wrong. It was good of you to notice – and kind of you to come and talk.'
He turns his face up to mine and gives me a kiss.
'You're so lovely, Jase.'
I give him a kiss back.
'And you're my favourite brother in law.'
I get up and leave. The fact that Kai has picked up on the same feeling I had about Robbie is interesting. Guess he and I have similar instincts.
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