Mervyn
by c m
Chapter 3
Lunch is excellent. My Mum's a good cook and the roast chicken, roast potatoes, fresh veg, gravy and bread sauce are delicious, all followed by her special raspberry and chocolate trifle. Dunc has seconds of both. He answers my parents' almost endless stream of questions patiently and with good humour. I can see my Mum sizing him up as boyfriend material – whatever I might have told her. Though given what's just happened, I suppose there's a real chance that he might become just that. I realise I haven't even thought about it. The sheer joy of what we've done means my focus is still on continuing my exploration of another boy's body - and of enjoying his exploration of mine. The bigger picture simply hasn't had room to enter my consciousness. It does now – and I feel overwhelmed.
We offer to wash up, but my parents won't hear of it.
'He's our guest, darling, and guests don't wash up – well, not on their first visit anyway. I'm sure you're keen to get back to your Beanos.'
Dunc and I go back up to my room.
'Thanks for lunch, that was great. Do they always ask that many questions?'
I smile.
'Sorry. Yes, pretty much. Especially my Mum. She thinks any boy who comes over might be my boyfriend so she tends to give them the third degree.'
He goes very quiet.
'What's up, Dunc?'
'Just the mention of 'boyfriend'…it's just…well…I've never, ever thought of myself as ending up having a boyfriend. It's always been a girlfriend. But I suppose what we did means that I need to rethink all that.'
'Maybe. Maybe not. I can't pretend that I wouldn't like it, but this is way too soon to be talking about anything like that. We are two boys who have had some fun together and enjoyed ourselves. Yes, you have some thinking to do, but one step at a time, OK? I enjoy your company; I love what we did; I hope we can do it again…but we hardly know each other and we don't have to use words like 'boyfriend'. Certainly not yet. Now, how about we spend some time doing what we originally were going to get together to do.'
He smiles at me.
'Thanks, Merv. Thanks a lot. Yes, let's take a look at some of those early issues.'
And that's what we do. We have fun looking through some of the story lines, and the times that they must reflect. Some of the language seems almost weird in comparison with today. We sit tight against one another, enjoying our closeness as friends. We are both relaxed and totally at ease with one another. A couple of hours pass. Then, out of the blue, he leans across and kisses me.
'Thanks for being so understanding and not…you know…putting any pressure on me. I really like you, Merv, and I love every little bit of what we've done today, but I've got some heavy stuff in my head to work through. And if I am gay, I can't come out, Merv. My dad simply won't understand - and the idea of going to work with all the other guys… shit, it frightens me, Merv.'
I put an arm round him.
'One step at a time. And no-one says you have to come out if you don't want to.'
He looks at me and then looks away. He starts to say something and then stops. I can see tears welling up in his eyes.
'What's up, Dunc? You can tell me.'
'I don't know how to say this…I'm going to offend you terribly, I know it.'
My stomach lurches; please, please God, don't let him walk away from me now.
His beautiful blue eyes are misty with tears.
'It's just…you're out, Merv. People know you're gay. How can I avoid being out if we're together all the time ? Everyone will assume that I must be gay too. I may not actively come out, but I'll have outed myself, won't I?'
'Look, Dunc, gay boys have straight friends. We have a shared interest too. Sure, we'll need to be a bit careful but if we really like each other is that too high a price to pay?'
He wipes a hand across his eyes.
'I'm being stupid, aren't I?'
'Not in the least. It must be scary. Look, this is the first time we've spent any time together. We've got all the time in the world. Shit, you may decide you never want to see me again in a month or so. One step at a time, yes?'
He smiles and hugs me.
'OK. One step at a time.'
I feel him relax. And then his finger is tracing a line down my back. His hand slips under the back of my shirt. He strokes the skin above the waistband of my shorts.
'Can I ask you something?' he says.
'Sure.'
'Have you been thinking about me when you have a wank?'
'All the time since I met you.'
'Cool. I like the thought of that. Was the real thing better?'
'Nah, not really,' I say.
His head snaps up. Then he realises.
'Of course it was better, you idiot. It was…unbelievable. You are so sexy, Dunc. The best-looking boy I've ever met.'
He smiles and runs his hand up and down my spine.
'Are you feeling as horny again as I am?'
I take his hand and put it against the rigid lump in my shorts.
'Fuck. Me too. Is it too risky?'
'My parents are unlikely to disturb us, but it's not 100%.'
'In the bathroom, maybe?'
'We could,' I say, 'but maybe we should leave it until we can relax and be comfortable. I want us to enjoy one another properly. Take our time.'
'I want that too…but right now I also want to jack off with you very badly indeed.'
'OK you silver-tongued cavalier, you've talked me into it.'
He giggles and we almost run to the bathroom. We strip off our shirts and shorts. We embrace, our erections hot and hard against one another.
'My turn to do you first,' he says.
I sit on the loo seat and he kneels between my legs. He wraps his hand round me and gets to work. His concentration is almost funny; the tip of his tongue pokes out from between his lips as he works me up and down. It's our third time today, and it takes a little longer. And when I come, it's not much more than a couple of half-hearted pulses. But it feels magnificent.
We swap places.
The dark skin on his cock is in contrast to the pale band of flesh that runs round his waist where his skin has been protected from the sun. The shaft is entirely hairless and fits perfectly into my hand. I shiver with the sheer pleasure that holding him excites in me. The skin moves smoothly up and down, alternately revealing and then hiding the pinky-purple head. He, too, takes longer this time, and when he comes it is more of an ooze that flows down the shaft and over my fingers. He sighs with pleasure at the release. I lick his seed off my hand. He looks at me in wonder.
'Just tastes of you,' I say, 'and like you, it's totally yummy.'
He smiles.
We clean up and put our clothes back on.
'I think we could be doing a lot of this,' he says.
'I surely hope so,' I say, 'and there's other stuff to explore too – if you want to.'
'Sounds like a plan,' he says, 'just give me some time.'
'All the time in the world.'
We go and sit on the bed.
'Much as I don't want to, I think it's probably time for me to go,' he says.
'Really?'
'Work day tomorrow….but thanks for a wonderful day. Somewhat…unexpected…but totally wonderful.'
'It's been amazing. And remember…no pressure…just…'
With a grin he joins in,
'…yeah, I know, one step at a time.'
We go downstairs and he says goodbye to my parents.
'Lovely to have met you, Duncan; you're welcome here any time.'
'Thanks you Mrs…Harriet.'
Mum smiles at him and looks across at me. She can see that I am smiling too.
We go out through the front door, and retrieve his bike and helmet from the garage. He takes a quick look around before giving me a final hug.
'When can we see each other again?' he says
I can't believe I've forgotten to ask the same thing.
'God, yes…umm…when are you next free?'
'Could maybe do one evening, else it will have to be next Sunday. Trouble is, I'm never quite sure what time we'll be back from work.'
'Guess I'll just have to hold on 'til Sunday, then. Do you want to come here again?'
'Would that be OK? It's just….'
'I know. I'm gay and it might be difficult for you to explain me to your parents.'
There's a flicker across his face – but I think nothing of it.
'I'm so sorry, Merv…it's like I'm ashamed of you - and I'm really not.'
'It's OK, Dunc, I understand. Honestly. Please don't feel guilty. All that matters is that we can be relaxed when we're together. And you'll be more than welcome here.'
'Thanks. Look forward to next Sunday. Same time?'
'Come earlier if you want – I'm sure we'll find something to fill the time.'
He grins.
'Yeah…I just bet we will. Thanks again Merv...today has been…I don't even know the word…a miracle?'
'Revelation, maybe?'
'Yeah. Revelation. And let's keep…revelating.'
We both laugh.
'Yeah, let's. Take care. Can't wait to see you again.'
'Me either. Bye for now.'
And with that, he cycles off down the road. And I realise that I still don't even know where he lives.
Back inside Mum intercepts me as I'm walking through the kitchen.
'Duncan seems very nice.'
'Yes, Mum, he is.'
'Was he impressed with your collection?'
I nod.
'Yeah…it was nice to be able to look through some of the issues with someone else who's interested. It was nice to have someone to swim with as well.'
'He's a very good-looking boy.'
'I certainly think so.'
'Do you mind my asking if he's gay as well, darling?'
'I don't mind you asking and the answer is I'm not sure. Actually I'm not sure if he knows either. Please don't say or do anything that will embarrass either him or me, Mum. I really like him. Gay would be a bonus – but he's a lovely friend either way.'
'Of course I won't say anything. But it's helpful to know.'
'OK…and is it OK if he comes over again next Sunday?'
'That would be lovely. And…it's nice to see you so happy.'
'Thanks. And yes, he does make me happy.'
I go up to my room and lie on the bed. I am, indeed, at once wonderfully happy and yet fearful to the pit of my stomach that he'll decide that today was all a ghastly mistake and that I'll never see him again. I don't think I could bear that. I realise that I've fallen for him in a big way – and in a way that he may find himself unable to reciprocate.
It's hot - and the swimming and the sex and the big lunch mean that I eventually start to doze. My head is full of Dunc as I do so. His hair, his smile, his skin, the feel of his cock. Please don't let it end here.
I come to because my phone is buzzing. I fumble for it in a sleepy sort of way, but I am instantly awake as Dunc's face appears.
'Dunc! What a lovely surprise.'
'Hi. Sorry, couldn't stop myself. Just wanted to say thank you again. The lunch and the comics were great, but it's the other stuff that I'm talking about. I've done nothing but think about it since I left you. And there's something I have to tell you. That I need to tell you. That I need to hear myself say. I'm gay Merv. Or at least I'm pretty sure I am. I've never felt like I felt when I was with you today. And the sex wasn't just a release, it touched something much deeper inside me. I know I have a way to go, and I'm far from ready to come out, but I wanted to tell you. I wanted to say 'I'm gay' to the boy who's showed me that I am. It's so scary…but thank you. That's it really. Hope you didn't mind me calling.'
'Mind? Fuck. Of course I don't mind. It's wonderful. You're wonderful. But look, we said we had all the time in the world. That we'd take things one step at a time. You seem to be going at a million miles an hour.'
'I know, I know…but sometimes things just click into place. You can't control how or when or where it happens – but you know when it does. And this hasn't just clicked, it's locked into place. In my own head I know I'm OK with being gay, Merv. Still not ready to tell anyone – except you, of course. And scared as shit. But I know.'
'Then that's wonderful, Dunc.'
'Yeah. But there's more. When I got home, Dad asked about our day and I told him all about it – well, not about THAT stuff, obviously – and when I'd finished he said that he'd never seen me so happy. And he wants to meet my new friend who's had this effect on me. I told him it was you – the guy from the hotel who made us tea. And he said 'I thought you said he was gay', and I said 'yes he is, but it's OK for a straight boy to have a gay friend isn't it? And vice versa?' and he said 'I suppose so' and then there was a pause and he said 'You're not gay are you?' and all I said was 'Daaaaaad!', you know in that sort of voice. And he smiled. Was that wrong, Merv? I couldn't tell him…but I feel like I've let you down. But at least he knows we're friends and is OK with it, so that must be good, right?'
'It's brilliant, Dunc. You did exactly the right thing. And you didn't actually lie anyway, did you? And if it would be helpful for me to come round so he can see that being gay doesn't fit into his stereotype of whatever he thinks gays are like, then that's fine. I can take his disapproval if that's necessary. It would be good for him to think that you and me being friends isn't a problem – and he'll never have to know it's more than that unless you want him to. Assuming you do want it to be more than that.'
'Of course I bloody want it to be more than that! Or do you think I was putting some kind of an act when we were doing what we did?'
I can hear the tension in his voice. I meant it as a throwaway remark, but I should have thought. He must be under terrible pressure right now, scared, excited…dammit, he's just come out to me and all I've done is virtually throw it back at him.
'Dunc, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Of course I don't think it was an act, and of course I want it to be more. I love you, Dunc. It's that simple. And you've done an amazing thing by coming out to me. Please forgive me.'
It all goes quiet and I wonder if I've spoiled things. Then his voice comes back on and it's a bit quavery.
'Did you just say you loved me?'
'Yes…I did…I do…is that OK?'
There's a long pause.
'No-one's told me that since my Mum died.'
Another piece of the jigsaw that I didn't know existed. No wonder that shadow flickered over his face that time I mentioned his parents. I'm still wondering how to respond when he continues,
'Do you really?'
'Yes, Dunc, I love you.'
'I wish you were here to tell me that. To hold me. I've never felt so happy and I've never felt so alone.'
I am truly, genuinely and literally lost for words. I do the only thing I can. I put my hand against the screen. His hand comes up to meet it. He has started to cry ever so softly. And that sets me off.
'I'm here for you, Dunc. I'm so sorry I can't be there for you. Please don't cry. Today should be a happy day.'
He looks up.
'I know. And I am happy. Truly. It's just when you said you loved me….'
Those teary eyes. What can I do to help?
'Do you want to meet up again before Sunday? If you call me when you're back from work tomorrow, maybe we could find somewhere halfway between us to meet?'
'Maybe. Let's see how tomorrow goes. It's OK…I know I'm just being silly….'
'No you're not. It's good to let your emotions out. Even if they all get mixed up. You're happy and sad; I'm happy and scared.'
'Scared? What about?'
'Ever since you left, I've been thinking you'll decide today was a horrible mistake and that you'll never want to see me again.'
'Now that really IS stupid,' he says with a half laugh.
'I know that now. So let's both celebrate the good, and let the rest go hang – at least for the moment.'
He nods and smiles. And I know the worst has passed.
'Thanks, Merv. You seem to know the right things to say.'
'Til tomorrow – if it works out…and if not, until Sunday.'
'Sure. But maybe we can call each other in the meantime?'
'Just try to stop me.'
'Thanks, Merv – for everything.'
I blow him a kiss – which he returns. And then the line clicks out.
As it turns out, we don't meet up the next day, but that's OK because in the morning there's a message waiting on my phone.
'Hi Merv. Sorry about getting upset last night. All looks better this morning. You saying that you loved me makes me feel on top of the world. We are working quite a way away today so won't be back until late. See you Sunday. x.'
A kiss. Now it's my turn to feel on top of the world. I send a quick reply.
'Things always seem to look better in the morning. 😊 . See you Sunday. x.'
I resist the temptation to call him during the rest of the week. I don't want to look desperate. Is that stupid?
And now it's Sunday. And better still my parents have had a last-minute invitation to lunch with some old friends who live an hour or so away. Thank God the invite didn't include me. They've left me some easy stuff to do for lunch. They'll be back about six. I haven't told Dunc – I want to surprise him.
It's cooler today, so when he arrives – at just after 10 – he's looking fresh as a daisy in a dark blue polo shirt and a pair of chinos. We put his bike in the garage and go into the house through the back door.
'Your parents still in bed?' he asks.
'Better than that,' I say, 'they've gone out to lunch with some old friends and they won't be back until this evening. We've got the place to ourselves.'
A big grin slowly spreads its way across Dunc's face.
'You mean….?'
I nod.
'Fuck. I can't wait.'
We almost run upstairs to my room. Clothes fly everywhere and then we're lying on the bed facing each other. We kiss, face to face and then I roll over onto my back, spread my legs and pull him on top of me. Chest to chest. Stomach to stomach. Groin to groin. He's wearing some kind of cologne that fills my head with scents of cedar, bergamot and rosemary.
'Oh my God,' he says, 'I've been wanting this all week.'
'Makes two of us,' I say, running my hands down his back to his perfect bum.
He rolls off me and I can see he's already fully hard – and leaking. I've never performed oral sex before, but I reckon this is as good a time to start as any. I kneel up between his legs.
'Oh my God…are you going to…?'
'I'd like to try if that's OK with you.'
'God yes….be my guest…'
I've read and watched enough porn to know the basics. I give the tip an exploratory lick. I can hear his sharp intake of breath. Time to go for it.
I'm sure I'll improve with practice, but Dunc seems to enjoy my ministrations. I certainly have the time of my life. I had no idea that I'd experience the pleasure I do by being on the giving end; you sort of assume that's the province of the receiver. But that certainly isn't true for me. He tells me just before he's about to hit his climax – not that I need telling; the way his balls tighten and his cock seems to swell tells me what's coming (pun intended). I've already decided that I'm going to swallow; the idea of having 'essence of Dunc' trickling down my throat and into my stomach is frankly highly erotic. And I certainly get my money's worth. I almost choke on the first spurt, but get back in control just in time for the rest. I give him a final lick once he's finished.
As I come back up, his eyes are just fixed on the ceiling. I wave my hand across them.
'Earth to Dunc…'
His eyes refocus.
'Oh…my…fucking…God…'
I smile.
'Good?'
'Un-bloody-believable. Fuck. Where did you learn to do that?'
'Watching porn. I'll get better with practice.'
'That already felt perfect. But feel free to keep practicing….' He laughs. 'Yeah…as much practice as you want.'
He reaches into my groin and takes hold of me.
'Want me to do the same for you?'
'Only if you want to. Only if you're ready. I'd be perfectly happy with your very expert hand.'
'Guess there'd be no harm in trying.'
And a very good job he does too. His lips and tongue are even better than his hand. But when I tell him I'm about to come, he pulls off and just watches as my seed splatters over my chest and stomach. But he then runs a finger through the pearly white streaks and blobs before lifting it tentatively to his lips. He tastes it almost nervously with just the tip of his tongue. He smiles…and runs all five of his fingers across my chest. He sucks each one in turn. I just watch.
'Better than you thought?'
'Much. Next time I'll try it on draught….'
We both laugh.
With our immediate urgency satisfied, we lie back beside one another. He uses a handkerchief to clear up the remains of my seed.
'So how was your week?' I ask.
'It was fine. Two days of erecting and three days of dismantling in various places. Better now it's not so hot – during the peak, the poles got so hot we had to use gloves to handle them.'
I am about to say something entirely different, but I suddenly know, with absolute certainty, what I need to say next. I don't know how or why, but I just know.
'Do you want to tell me about your Mum,' I ask quietly, 'it's fine if you don't.'
He props himself up on one elbow and runs a hand over my chest.
'No…I'd like to tell you. She died of cancer four years ago. I was just thirteen. Just hit puberty properly. She'd been treated for breast cancer three years earlier and seemed to be in full remission and then one day…wham…the lumps were back. The tests said it had already spread. Inoperable. Six months and she was gone.' He sighs. 'Losing her hurt, Merv. It still does. We were close. And my Dad took it very badly. Closed in on himself. Didn't really have time for me. That's got better since I started working with him but….'
His hand has been tracing circles over my skin while he's been talking.
'Maybe that's why I never even considered I might be gay. I wanted to be the son my father wanted. I wanted him to love me. That's why the feelings I felt that first time we met were so confusing. It's why last Sunday was so…revelatory…'
We smile at each other as uses that word.
'…that's why when you told me you loved me I just couldn't hold onto it any more.'
I lift an arm and he lowers his head onto my chest. I stroke his hair. His gorgeous blond hair. I feel his hand drift almost unconsciously down into my groin.
'Is it hard being gay?' he asks.
'Sometimes,' I say, 'but mostly not. Most people are fine with it. Some just about tolerate it. Then there are mindless idiots and the religious zealots – but I've been fortunate not to come across much of that.'
I tell him the story of how Tom dealt with the two bullies while I was doing work experience.
Dunc nods – then laughs.
'That time he was there in the background when we talked on the phone, I thought he was nice and he was pretty good-looking too. I was sure you two were a couple – especially when you said you were sharing a room. And then when I came off the phone, I wondered why it mattered to me and why I was so relieved when you said that you weren't. I suppose that was the second clue that I should have picked up on.'
He's been playing almost absent-mindedly with my cock – but the inevitable has happened. He realises and gives it a squeeze.
'Guess this is one pole I'll never need gloves to handle. I love the feel of it. Is it OK if I just keep going?'
'It's fine by me, I say.'
He masturbates me gently, and I feel him, in turn, lengthening and hardening against my thigh. I take hold of him and we take our time, eventually bringing one another to a slow, enjoyable climax. His seed spreads wet and sticky on my thigh.
'I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday morning,' he says.
'I agree. I suppose we ought to get up and do something at some point.'
'Why? I just love lying here naked beside you. Can't we just stay like this for a bit? We don't have to do anything sexual…not for a bit, anyway.'
He looks up at me and smiles. God he's so beautiful.
'Suits me.'
I run my fingers through his hair.
'Do you want to be a scaffolder for the rest of your life? It's not a criticism…it's given you a great body and I'm certainly not complaining.'
'I don't think I've ever thought about it, Merv. It's just…what was expected…what happened. I haven't had anyone to talk to about doing anything different. Mum might have had a view, but Dad has always been happy doing what he does. It's his company and it's doing alright. I guess he expects me to take over one day. There's worse prospects.'
'I'd forgotten it was his company. Guess that makes a difference - provided you're happy.'
'I am mostly. It pays OK. I like being in the fresh air – well mostly. I don't think I could stand being in an office every day. And like you say, it keeps me fit. What do you want to do with your life?'
'You mean apart from spend it with you?'
He gives me a little slap.
'Well, that would be nice but it wouldn't put any food on the table, would it?'
'Maybe I'll leave that all up to you. Be a man of leisure.'
'You don't mean that do you?'
'Of course not. I'd be embarrassed apart from anything else. And it would be a dead waste of my passions and abilities – such as they are. I loved my work experience. I want to work in the hotel business. I want to run a place like Sunnybanks – that would be my dream.'
'I love that you're passionate. In every way.'
And he kisses me.
We lie there in silence for a little while.
'Can I ask you something?' he says eventually.
'Sure.'
'Look, I love what we've done together so far…you know, the sex stuff…but how do you feel about...you know…the next step. I'm not sure I want anything…anyone…'
'You mean full-blown sex?'
He nods.
'Well, first, there's no rush. Second, the only rule is that we both only ever do what we're comfortable with. Third, I don't see myself running out of enthusiasm for what we're doing right now anytime soon. And fourth…well, I suppose eventually, at some point, I'd like to know what it's like. Or at least to be on the receiving end. But you don't ever have to do that if you don't want to.'
'Don't you think it must hurt?'
'Well, if it does, I guess millions of gay couples wouldn't be doing it all the time.'
He looks at me and giggles.
'I'm being silly again, aren't I?'
'Not at all. I've read stuff and I've watched stuff. Maybe you should too, now. And if and when we decide to go there, it will be a voyage of discovery for both of us. Personally, I find the idea of having you buried deep inside me is a bit of a turn on – at least as a concept.'
'And you don't want to do the same thing to me?'
'Only if you want me to.'
'You're so nice, Merv.'
'I told you; I love you. Why would I do anything you didn't want me to? And anyway, we have at least one more step to take before that.'
'What?'
'Well, I've sucked you and you've sucked me. I'd quite like us to do it to each other at the same time…you know, 69.'
'Sounds very good to me.'
'Maybe a little later…after we've had some lunch?'
'Ooh...are you cooking then?'
'Looks that way.'
'CAN you cook?'
'Guess we're going to find out.'
This is not the whole truth. I've picked up a few skills and some knowledge from my mother along the way. And burger and chips is hardly haute cuisine.
'Oh well, another new experience awaits.'
'Come on. Let's get cleaned up and presentable and go and prepare what Mum's left for us.'
'No-one's here. Do we have to wear clothes?'
'Not if you don't want to.'
'Let's not.'
Guess it brings a whole new meaning to the Naked Chef, I think to myself, as we make our way downstairs.
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