The Universe Hates Me
by Andrew Passey
Chapter 3
Alex was my rock. As I said before, he was my shield against the world. The only one apart from my Dad who could calm me down when my brain was starting to overload. I loved him and I loved his family.
His Mum was a Spanish teacher but thankfully she didn't teach at our school. That would have been too fucking weird. She was called Catherine and I loved her, my own Mum died when I was very young and there was always a mum shaped hole in my life. Catherine helped fill some of that hole although it was a hole that could never quite be fully filled in. However Catherine definitely did her best to fill it as much as she could. Alex's Dad worked in local government, Alex didn't seem to know what he did but our experience of the working world was non-existent so no surprise really. His name was Bill and he was also nice but I already had one Dad. It was the Mum bit I really missed.
On the Saturday morning after the swimming pool incident I stood in front of the mirror naked, my dick was only 2 and a bit inches or so long and I had a light dusting of hair. I wasn't the smallest in the year but neither was I the biggest. I guess you could say I was average. At best. Didn't mean I couldn't pretend though. I imagined I was much bigger dick wise walking into a room full of sexy naked boys.
"So...think you can handle this monster?" I said to my reflection provocatively gyrating my hips
"What is it about you and monsters Freddie?!"
I yelped and covered myself as I turned to see Dad standing at the door grinning at me.
"Dad! You're supposed to knock!" I squeaked, turning bright red.
"And you're supposed to have your door shut if you're doing "Boy stuff" rather than leaving it wide open. I came to say I'm going out and not to get yourself into too much trouble but I think we both know what you're going to be doing as soon as I'm gone! Don't worry, as I said before it's totally natural and we all do it."
"Oh god Dad, TMI, TM fucking I!"
"Watch your language!" He said but with a smile. He shut the door leaving me able to uncover myself but still feeling really embarrassed about him not only seeing me naked but me making thrusting movements at the mirror. Still, now he was gone I could continue with my fantasy. I fondled my dick until it got hard and then wiggled my hips provocatively at the mirror.
"So you think you can handle this monster?!" I said for the second time.
"Hey you in there Freddie? Your Dad let me in and said you were in your bedroom and to come straight up!" Alex's voice came through my door almost giving me a heart attack. Why would Dad send him up knowing what I was doing? Honestly sometimes it was like he wanted to ruin my life! Thankfully Alex hadn't just burst in
"YES!" I squeaked loudly, "Just um...getting changed, give me a moment."
I threw a t- shirt on and some jogging bottoms as quickly as I could and then opened the door.
"Oh hi Alex, didn't expect to see you today!" I said breezily hoping he hadn't guessed what was going on.
He looked at me and giggled, "If you're going to try and convince me you weren't wanking Freddie then you should have tucked it into your waistband. You're tenting pretty badly! If I didn't know better I'd swear you were trying to seduce me!"
I blushed at that and mumbled something unintelligible before I just said, "You shouldn't be looking you perve!"
"It's hard not to when it's sticking out like that! Anyway, I came to see if you wanted to come to the park. It's a sunny day and we can hang out, talk shit, that sort of thing. And my Mum has been baking flapjacks especially for you which she insisted I take with us."
Well I couldn't say no to flapjacks so half an hour later we were lying side by side on the warm grass staring up at the cloudless blue sky giggling away as I tried not to eat all the flapjacks. Spending time with Alex was my favourite thing to do in the world. Actually let me reword that, my favourite thing to do that wasn't something I did with my hand alone in my bedroom! He just knew how to make me laugh and how to take my mind off whatever anxious thoughts I might be having. The fact his mum made the world's best flapjacks was just an added bonus!
Alex had always been there since our first day together at primary school where everybody was too noisy for me and I just sat on my own in the corner rocking slightly. He came over, said hello and asked if I liked dinosaurs. Luckily I did and we bonded over the destructive power of the T Rex. After that moment he always had my back. He was a gentle boy but he'd stand up for me and had used his fists for me on more than one occasion.
Like the time in our first year at secondary school in the swimming pool changing room when some of the boys dragged me naked in front of the connecting door that led to the girls changing room so the girls could all see me naked. He'd stepped in, thrown a punch or two and ended up in detention with those boys. Or the time another boy pulled my shorts and pants down on a school trip in front of everyone. The sort of shit that only seemed to happen to me. Things had calmed down in the past year, a few detentions and bollockings got most of the bullies off my back. Also Alex was a very very popular boy and everyone wanted to be his friend. Bullying his best friend was becoming a bit socially unacceptable even if everyone seemed to like to think he was only friends with me because he felt sorry for me.
Still, it had always been hard for me with my ND and as a result often hard for Alex. I got lost in my own world sometimes that I probably didn't notice what was going on with him or if he had any problems. It's not like I was selfish or wanted not to know. It was just my brain was full of a million thoughts a minute and it took me off into some very strange directions.
Like one minute I'd be on the internet looking up flags of the world for a school project and then before I knew it I'd be knee deep in an article about the mating habits of Pandas or the internal workings of some random political party in Peru. I never quite knew what direction my brain would go in and to be fair to Alex he never laughed when I blurted out crazy shit.
"Are you happy Freddie?" He asked as we lay shoulder to shoulder, I was enjoying the warmth of the sun but also just being close to Alex's body, it felt comforting.
"Um...sometimes. I mean my life is shit when I get random erections in public or inconvenient times. Everyone hates me apart from your family and Dad. My brain is wired wrong so I say stupid shit. I'm gay so my potential dating pool is vastly reduced, not that anyone would want to date me anyway. My Mum's dead. But I have Dad and I have you so I guess that's enough. Why do you ask?"
"It's er....I just want you to be happy Freddie. People don't hate you, you aren't wired wrong, I like the way your brain is wired. We're all wired differently. Don't let that worry you, you're perfect the way you are."
For some reason hearing those words made me blush and feel warm inside, then I had a panicked thought, maybe Alex was fishing for me to ask if he was happy? Oh god, what if something was wrong with him?! Maybe he had cancer and he would die. SHIT! I'd have to step up and support him. I could do this, I could be strong enough for both of us!
"We'll get through this together Alex!" I said reaching over to squeeze his hand.
He raised himself on one elbow and looked at me with a smile, "I'm guessing your brain has convinced you I'm ill or something?"
"How did you know?!"
"I know how you think, well a bit anyway. I'm fine, I'm not sick or anything! I just worry about you and want you to be happy."
"Are you happy Alex?" I felt pretty proud of myself that I'd managed to ask that question given how I usually forget to do that sort of thing.
Alex sighed, letting out a loud breath slowly as if he was really trying to think about what words he wanted to say," Well....yeah I sort of am. It's confusing and tough being a teenager at times.. I think I could be happier than I am, but that involves taking a massive risk. If it all went wrong then I'd be really really unhappy. I might end up hurting someone I would never ever want to. Maybe just being a bit happy is enough."
I took a bit of umbrage at this, Alex was the most amazing person in the world and I wanted him to be more than a "bit happy".
"No! You deserve to be really happy! The happiest person in the world. Tell me what is the massive risk? Oh fuck....you don't...you aren't thinking of robbing a bank or something like that. Money doesn't make you happy Alex, it just gives you more opportunities!"
Alex started giggling, "No Freddie. It's nothing illegal. It's just..... look just forget I said anything. Hmm how about another flapjack? Also I think I saw online that Nintendo are releasing a sequel to Breath Of The Wild, do you know anything about it?!"
Alex was talking my language and I launched into a very detailed update about everything I knew and quite a lot that I'd guessed or maybe even made up. It was only later when I was lying in bed I realised Alex had very cunningly diverted me from talking about what would make him happy. Maybe there was a girl he fancied at school? For some reason the thought of that made me feel a bit strange. I should want him to be happy so why would the thought of him being happy with a girlfriend not do that? Ah, I guess I would just worry that he wouldn't spend all his time with me. However I wanted to be a good friend so if he needed help finding a girlfriend I'd do that for him. Although I'd then need a boyfriend as well, maybe Alex could help me with that?
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