Where Do I Fit In?
by Andrew Foote
Chapter 15
Throughout this story real organisations and real people are mentioned by name. Their place in the tale is in the author's imagination. No thoughts, words or deeds attributed to those people or organisations are real, nor have they ever happened. This is a story! It's fiction. The people and organisations, even when they interact with the characters, are presented in an entirely imagined and fictitious manner, and no discourtesy is intended to them by the author nor by the web site.
That evening, again with no training to wear us out, we snuggled up in bed together. The only topic of conversation was that interview and how it might affect us if it were broadcast.
They had intimated that it would go out sooner rather than later as it had come directly off the back of the gala and if it were left for any amount of time then the newsworthiness would disappear.
I have to admit I had mixed feelings about it all. A part of me wished we'd not agreed to do it but then Liam was probably right, we had to start somewhere and as our performance would undoubtedly be covered by the newspapers, this was the best place to begin. It was odd though because the thought that I'd just come out and declared my love for Lucas and his for me really didn't bother me or for that matter, him but the more I thought about it, the more nervous I became. There's one thing coming out to my parents, friends at school or our coaching team but I'd just outed us to the entire population of the UK and possibly beyond.
Lucas on the other hand, didn't seem at all bothered.
"We said we were ready to be open with everyone so what a way to do it! Lights, camera and action!"
"Yes I know but…….."
"But what? Listen. You get a room full of people, statistically one out of every eight of them, whether in our out of the closet is either gay, lesbian or bi so it stands to reason that in our school which numbers what, a thousand kids? That means, all assuming my crappy maths is okay, there is a distinct possibility that there are 125 gay, lesbian or bi kids there and none of them except us are out. Now multiply that by the tens of thousands of schools up and down the country, that's a lot of very scared and nervous kids!
Liam's right, don't you see it? We really can do some good here! If we can give at least some of them the courage to face themselves, admit to what they are and how they feel, how good is that?"
"Yes I know you're right. It's just this is all very new to me. Can we drop it for tonight please?"
I was spooning into his back and now I wasn't being distracted by our conversation my dick began to inflate rapidly. I kissed the nape of his neck and pulled him closer to me, my cock now wedged firmly between the tops of his legs.
"That's not where I want it to be Andy, lovely though it is. Make love to me tonight. I need to feel right about this, dispel all those nightmares of Texas, and make me truly understand just how beautiful it can be between us."
I reached over and finding the bottle of lotion, fingered a copious amount up inside him until I was as satisfied as I could be that he'd be as comfortable as possible.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I took aim at his ring, placed the tip of my rod against it and pushed.
Lucas was pliant and relaxed and I entered him with little effort. He exhaled and asked me to pause for a moment.
"You feel wonderful but it's been a while so just let me get used to you."
I didn't have to ask him if he was ready because he then pushed back on me and I slid inside him up to the hilt.
"Oh Jesus Lucas? You feel so good! Oh please can we stay like this forever?"
"No but you can have me anytime you want! Oh damn Andy? Give it to me hard!"
I did but I also needed him to feel loved but I guess the roughness was what he'd become used to so I alternated between being pretty savage then gentle and caring smothering him with kisses and seeking out his G spot which after a while I managed to find.
He went ballistic and almost threw me off him!
"Oh yessss Andy! Fuck me harder!"
I didn't but took the cue from the previous evening when he'd toyed with me switching from total stimulation to deep penetration and oh boy did it work!
Lucas was in near hysterics as he shot his load, screaming out fit to wake most of London but that inevitably took me with him.
I'd never experienced a cum quite like it. Last nights was massive but for a different reason. Tonight my dick was being massaged in a velvet tunnel and it totally overwhelmed me until we both collapsed in a heap, completely sated.
Lucas turned over and cuddled me once I'd slipped out from inside him, tears cascading down his face.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I knew it could be good but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it could be like that! I know now what love is and how it feels to be made love to by the single most precious person in the world. I just want you to know, I'm yours now. Nothing and I mean nothing can take you away from me! I love you beyond vocabulary, I haven't the words to describe my feelings towards you, I just love you completely Andy."
I had the vocabulary but I didn't have a voice as my own tears mingled with those of Lucas. We clung to each other like drowning men and slowly drifted off to sleep.
The following morning at 7am we were woken by a knock on the door.
"Are you boys awake? The edited interview has been delivered and we need to go through it before we head home so if you could get your skates on please, we meet in twenty minutes at the main pool."
We struggled to get out of bed and before we dressed, we hugged each other for a few minutes, the others could wait as we had unfinished business.
"I love you Lucas, you do understand that don't you? We're on our way now, no turning back, it's you and me for ever."
"I know you do and I love you too, I always have. You're right. Nothing can break this bond between us and no matter where it leads, no matter what happens in the future, we will always have each other. I guess we ought to get going although I'd much prefer to go back to bed with you."
"We've got tonight, I don't think they'll expect us to train this evening, not after the journey home so we can grab an early night together. C'mon, we'd better not keep them waiting any longer."
The footage was much the same as the interview but Lucas's shot at the camera man had been edited out and as it was explained to us, it made sense. He was just the guy filming, not a part of the intrusive questioning so he was in no way to blame, the rest of it was an honest reflection of what had occurred so we gave it our blessing.
It was aired that morning almost as soon as was practically possible, 7.45am on BBC Breakfast so we went back to our room to watch it. Pretty good we thought, one of the anchors turned to the camera following the interview and said "Remarkable boys don't you think? Not just for their obvious skills but also very brave and honest in the way that they don't take prisoners! Don't you just love their attitude! We'll be keeping a close eye on their progress and you can be sure we'll keep you updated."
On the trip home, Liam confirmed that he was putting training that evening on ice. Not only had we done what was required of us in the pool but also the interview was another reason to keep our heads down for twenty four hours and when we walked into the house, both sets of parents were there to greet us. My father, totally out of character, gave me a massive hug!
"So well done! You didn't put a foot wrong! I'm somewhat disturbed about the TV thing though. We already know about the feelings you and Lucas have for each other and that's fine, we're happy for you both but now you're out to the world and God only knows where that'll lead?"
"We're ready Dad. Especially me, I was scared and uncertain but not anymore. I have Lucas, we both have yours and Mr and Mrs Carmichaels blessing, Jo and Simon are onside not to mention our mates at school or our coaches so we don't see a problem."
"Well then, neither do we! Why don't you both go and get freshened up, we're eating out tonight at the Thai Garden. All your team are joining us together with Lorain, Paul, Jo and Simon so let's go and party!"
A great evening, great company and great food! At first Lucas was dubious about the latter as unless you went seriously up market, Thai or Chinese food in Texas was more like dining out on damp cardboard. Well we definitely educated him that night and also we had our first taste of what was to become an inevitable part of our lives, public recognition.
Two young kids of about eight or nine approached us for our autographs! It was rather weird actually, I mean who on earth would want our autographs? Well they did so we asked them what their names were, jotted a short message and signed it. We drew the attention of other diners which was rather embarrassing but as Liam told us, it was something we had to grow accustomed to following our appearance on TV that morning.
The other thing was, both Lucas and I wouldn't have minded so much if the attention we were receiving was just because of our sport but we knew that mostly it was due to our outburst when quizzed about our true relationship but we hoped that it might change if and when we met with success in the pool but all the adults were sceptical about that.
"Unfortunately most people will concentrate on the sensational. Yes of course your success when it happens will divert some of that but the tabloids will still want to run gutter headlines like 'Our gay boys win……', they're bound to if only to gain circulation. It sells more copy than say 'Our young boys win…..'"
Lauren had her own views on this and what she had to say actually made perfect sense.
"It isn't just because you came out or for that matter, the rather dramatic was you did it, it's more because of your ages. Had you been seventeen or eighteen then there still would've been a degree of controversy but for two twelve soon to be thirteen year-olds to do it, is unusual to say the least, thought provoking and slightly scandalous!" Tabloids thrive on scandal and they'll milk this for all its worth so best be prepared. What you mustn't do is to go accepting friend requests on Facebook from people you don't know or have never heard of. There are plenty of perverts out there who will set themselves up as kids who are keen to follow you and if you have any concerns that this is occurring then you must tell us so we can take the necessary steps to put a stop to it, maybe even police action if that's deemed appropriate.
Even before this morning, our publicity people have been thinking of ways to use social media in a way which will allow those genuine kids and adults to follow your progress but without exposing you to undue risks. The documentary we spoke of it almost complete, just a couple of interviews with the pair of you will see it finished and provided you're happy with the end result, Channel Four want to broadcast it at the earliest opportunity as it will come off the back of the Breakfast piece."
"When is that likely to happen, the interviews I mean?"
"As soon as we can organise it Lucas and definitely before you fly to Guam."
"Good!"
"I'll try and get an update for you by tomorrow evening."
True to her word, Lauren managed to tie the production company down and provide a date when the interviews would take place.
"This will be nothing like the Breakfast interview, it'll be well managed and of course you have the opportunity to see all the questions before the actual filming starts, that way you can decide how to answer them or indeed not to answer then as the case maybe."
I was unsure about this.
"We never rehearse what we say or even which one of us answers, it just happens naturally. Can't we go along the same lines?"
"If that's the way you want to play it then I can't think of any reason why not. As it isn't a live broadcast, you have the right not to answer, even suggest your own questions. It will all be carefully edited and only when you're 100% happy will it go for airing."
"When then."
"Tomorrow. We've talked with your Head Teacher and he's happy for us to take some footage of you in school working as all kids do, your interaction with your friends and also we hope that some of them will say a few words if that's okay with you."
"I'm sure Lorain and Paul will given they train alongside us, probably some of the others will as well so we don't mind."
"Great! Then we switch venues and go to the gym where we would like to see you in action, maybe a quick floor routine before joining the interviewer for the main discussion. Once that's done we'll ask you to perform your now famous swallow dive. This will be used right at the end of the film and will be shown first at the normal speed then in slow motion as a backdrop to the credits. Happy enough with that?"
Lucas was grinning from ear to ear!
"More than! It sounds really good!"
The following morning at the school assembly, Mr Fairbairn spoke to all of us.
"Today we will have a television production crew on the premises who will be filming a documentary about our divers Andy Pope and Lucas Carmichael. All of us have been very gratified with the way all of you have allowed these boys the space to continue their schooling in a normal environment so this morning I'm asking all of you to go the extra mile and where possible, try and ignore the film crew, no skylarking around, no silliness please and unless you are asked to participate, keep out of the way. I ask you to please be on your best behaviour in order to show our school in the best possible light. School dismissed and thank you all for your co-operation."
The day was like any other school day. Clips of us in class were shot together with us playing footie with our friends during the morning break and then just sitting around talking and laughing. Lunchtime, the one time we thought we might get more attention was also normal with the same kids as usual sitting with us during the meal time and it appeared to us that none of them could see the cameras that were pointed their way somehow but of course this wasn't the case, they were just doing what Mr Fairbairn had asked of them.
Following that, more footage of the school at play, not just us but loads of the others were captured on film as well.
We were pretty much left alone during the afternoon but later we learned that interviews were conducted with Tony and Mr Fairbairn before switching their attention to our respective parents.
That changed after the normal school day as again they filmed our study club in the disused chemistry lab then once we'd all done for the day, various of the assembled were picked at random so they could say a few words. I say 'at random' but actually we reckoned they had a good idea who they wanted to talk to.
Lorain and Paul (obviously), Alan, Kerry and lastly our youngest and most diminutive member, eleven year-old Benny, an adorably cute kid who had an obvious crush on Lucas but despite his nerves, he gave thoughtful answers speaking clearly and concisely, all the time looking directly into the camera fit to melt your heart.
We were followed part the way home as we jogged with Lorain and Paul and kind of embarrassingly, they took footage of the four of us exchanging hugs before the others carried on towards their respective homes then we were left alone while we ate our tea then once again the crew rejoined the four of us as we jogged down to Christchurch.
There was no real training that night, just the floor exercises they wanted to record then an impromptu game of Basketball which naturally we lost hopelessly! Then came the main interview.
The guy who did the interviewing as fantastic! He completely put us at ease from the word go. He told us that he was well used to interviewing children, indeed he had three kids of his own so we were told just to relax and enjoy ourselves. If we fluffed anything then we could go back and revisit whatever question we liked, there was no rush to get away as the TV Company were paying the pool staff overtime in order to get the best results possible so off we went.
Most of the questions revolved around our training regime, schooling and social life so nothing controversial. They then asked Paul and Lorain to join us and then the questions turned to our friendship and the history behind their participation, again nothing controversial except he did ask if they were an item to which they replied that they were.
'That's it' I thought. 'Now it's our turn!' but he never broached the subject.
Lucas and I looked at each other before he spoke up.
"Can we take five here please?"
"Oh yes. Sure we can. Cut the cameras for a bit boys."
"It's just that following that Breakfast TV stunt, we wondered if you were also intending to kinda go there as well?"
"Well no I wasn't. I mean that sort of thing is no business of anybody's except you. Private you know?"
"Yeah we know. Controversial as well but we sort of made it everybody's business didn't we? Look. We were caught on the hop back then, now we're prepared to talk about it. You're a good guy and so if you think its appropriate then go ahead and just so long as you don't get too personal, we're happy enough to field your questions."
"Okay. What about Lorain and Paul? Would you rather they weren't here for that?"
"God no! They're our best friends, they were perhaps the first to know about us so we'd like them to stick around."
"Well look. Thank you! Let's go find a cup of tea while I put something together then."
Thirty minutes later and the cameras were rolling again.
"Now I'm pleased to say that both Andy and Lucas have agreed to speak candidly about their personal life and their relationship with each other.
As we already know, they spend 95% of their time together and under most circumstances, this degree of time spent in such close proximity with each other would place an enormous strain on all but the closest of relationships but seemingly not theirs so firstly I'd like to ask about that interview you did for BBC's Breakfast TV program.
How did you feel about it and what was your reaction to that line of questioning?"
I answered.
"Surprised, shocked and I suppose slightly angry. The lady asking the question got nine parts of the way to asking outright if we were gay but then I think she realised that it was a step to far and clammed up on us but the point was, because she's 'almost' asked us, the seed of suspicion had already been planted and as a result there would've been mass speculation which would follow us around like a bad smell."
"So you took the initiative and basically told her what the unasked question was and subsequently the answer."
"Yes. Look we don't blame her for broaching the subject, she has a job to do but it was more the way that she decided to leave the entire thing dangling in mid- air that upset us rather than the question itself."
"So you're happy now it's all out in the open then?"
"Sort of! I think we'd rather it had been managed better but you can only work with the tools you have to hand so all in all, yeah, why not!"
"However there will be many people who take a different attitude. Doesn't that bother you?"
I looked at Lucas who carried on the conversation.
"To be perfectly honest, no we're not at all bothered. We don't have a problem with being gay, our folks support us as do our friends, our school and our coaching team. If anyone has a problem with it then that's something they have to deal with, not us. We've enough on our plate without losing sleep over other people's bigotry."
"Powerful sentiments."
He then turned his attention to Paul and Lorain.
"You obviously both support them?"
Lor spoke up.
"Yes of course we do and so do just about everyone else at school. So they're gay, so what? They're really great guys, the best friends anyone could wish for, great athletes and of course there's one other thing.
There are tens of thousands of young gay and lesbian kids out there and most of them are scared to death of being found out. They are desperate for a role model, someone who will give them the strength and courage to be themselves, to be honest not only with themselves but everyone around them, to be proud of what they are so they are able to live their lives according to their beliefs and their sexuality, free from bullying and mental anguish so here they are. Two of the finest role models possible so follow their lead guys. Be happy with who you are! Come out and declare yourselves to the world!"
I knew Lor was pretty eloquent but that really did stun everyone in the room into silence. Even the interviewer looked lost for words.
"Okay boys. Kill the cameras. Oh my God, I think we have more than enough material to turn this into a fabulous piece of television! Thank you, all of you. Absolutely fantastic interview! That just leaves us with the business of filming your dive. Do you need to take a break first?"
"Ten minutes would be good if that's okay."
"No worries Lucas. Take as long as you want."
We went over to where Paul and Lorain were standing. I looked at her, she was visibly upset as Paul tried to calm her down.
"I'm sorry Andy. I couldn't help myself! I don't even know where it came from, it just fell from my mouth!"
"You were nothing short of brilliant so why the tears?"
"Good old fashioned adrenalin rush I guess! I'm not really upset, I meant every word. I'll be fine in a minute. Paul's with me and he always manages to make me see sense bless him!"
We returned and spoke to the interviewer.
"Ready whenever you are. Lorain's fine now, she was our only concern."
We walked to the poolside, stripped out of our tracksuits and made our way up to the ten metre table, walked to the edge, linked fingers, counted and dived without a hitch.
We had been asked to repeat it three times so the cameras could capture it from different angles and once we'd finished, we went through, had a shower, got changed and the four of us jogged home for supper.
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